To ask if anyone has discovered they are gay later in life?

[CardoMondo]

I have come to the conclusion that I am probably bisexual. I say “probably” as I’ve never had a same sex experience but I do have a ridiculous crush on a woman right now ... and thinking about it I’ve had crushes on women since I was 13 years old, at least 50/50 between male and female.

I’m married now. To a man. AIBU to really wish I could at least experience it, just the once? I’m finding myself obsessing about it

Bump

Yes, same as you really, but I have a history of trauma and do think that my mistrust of men also plays into it.

This is really, really normal. Lots of bisexual women don’t realise they’re bi until later in life because compulsory heteronormativity trains them to only key in to their attraction to men.

It’s worth remembering that even if you are now in a committed heterosexual relationship, it doesn’t make your sexuality less valid or mean you can’t belong to the LGBT community.

Yes! Same here, although I am single.

Yes l was with a man for many years. Had two kids. We split up l was alone for a few years then met a woman at work. I was so confused that l had an instant attraction to her.
To cut a long story short 5years down the line we live together and are very happy. She was always a lesbian l guess it took my some to realise l liked woman.
My grown kids and even my 70 something parents very happy that I'm happy. Was a bloody confusing time for me though.

I’ve always know I was bi. Had a threesome once and enjoyed it more with the woman. Am married to a man but fantasize about women all the time. Wouldn’t have a clue where to meet another bi woman or chat one up though if I were single.

I am coming to that conclusion myself although I am single. It scares the bejeesus out of me as I don't know what to do about or how to move forward...

I’m glad I’m not alone. But how to move forward? I can’t exactly ask DH if he minds me having one affair just to see what it’s like 😩

The times I've ever watched porn it's always women and never men. I have found women sexually attractive my whole adult life, even though I've always gone out with men. I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a woman though so maybe it's just a sexual fantasy thing? I've felt confused about it for years too.

Being bisexual doesn’t mean you can cheat on your husband, and more than if you met another man you really fancied. Stop giving bisexuals a bad name.

" Diva community " on Facebook is good for general chat / friends/ figuring your stuff out with other people

@HermioneWeasley

Being bisexual doesn’t mean you can cheat on your husband, and more than if you met another man you really fancied. Stop giving bisexuals a bad name.

Oh give over professionally offended one - I never suggested such a thing

@nextdoorshush thanks for that reccomendation

I think your main issue here is your marriage - you want something that your husband can't give you. Bisexuality is a red herring - your sexuality isn't defined by your experiences - your real issue is that you want a bit of strange, not that you want it to be a woman.

Hmm, do you have the direct link please?

Don't ruin your marriage just so you can experiment with a woman. Most one night stands are shit and in my experience this is even more true when it's with another woman. It's not worth it unless there's an emotional connection... & in that case your marriage would be over.

Would you consider including your DH, i.e. a threesome with another woman? He might be interested. And you might see if you're actually keen.

(No idea how people find someone to have a threesome with though)

NM - Got it :-)

I don’t think it’s wildly unusual either. I can think of two friends —one male, one female — who were in opposite-sex marriages, divorced in their late 40s/early 50s without anyone else involved, and within a year or two had formed same-sex relationships.

I didn't realise I was bi for many years. I used to say "I'm straight but I can appreciate and love beautiful women" and one day, my friend, who is gay himself, just said to me "there's a word for that and its bisexuality". And it clicked. I had just "assumed" as I was attracted to men in some capacity that straight was the word for it but no, I am unapologetically bisexual

"AIBU to really wish I could at least experience it, just the once? "

To fantasise, no. But to actually go ahead and experience 'it' / cheat, yes. YABU.

Have a look at 'late blooming lesbians' - there's a FB group but I'm not sure if it's visible. Reddit has some information IIRC

This reminds me of Philip Schofield coming out as gay. I thought it was a sort of irrelevant and strange thing to broadcast, if he’s staying married. If he’d been with other men or wanted to, then he should have been coming out as a cheater first and foremost, and gay secondary.

I’m sure most people fancy someone other than their partner at times.

If you fancied another man, how would you ‘move forward’ and why would it be different if it was a woman?

It isn’t different, I’d never cheat on my DH but I kind of wish he was open to “other stuff”. I’d quite happily tell him to go off and shag someone else to experience whatever he wants to experience but he’d never agree to it

@CardoMondo

It isn’t different, I’d never cheat on my DH but I kind of wish he was open to “other stuff”. I’d quite happily tell him to go off and shag someone else to experience whatever he wants to experience but he’d never agree to it

That's probably because he doesn't want ro have sex with anyone but you. Generally speaking when you start wanting to have sex with people other than your spouse, your marriage is over, regardless of whether you're lusting after cock or cunt.