To ask if anyone has discovered they are gay later in life?

[CardoMondo]

I have come to the conclusion that I am probably bisexual. I say “probably” as I’ve never had a same sex experience but I do have a ridiculous crush on a woman right now ... and thinking about it I’ve had crushes on women since I was 13 years old, at least 50/50 between male and female.

I’m married now. To a man. AIBU to really wish I could at least experience it, just the once? I’m finding myself obsessing about it

@BaubleBubble

This reminds me of Philip Schofield coming out as gay. I thought it was a sort of irrelevant and strange thing to broadcast, if he’s staying married. If he’d been with other men or wanted to, then he should have been coming out as a cheater first and foremost, and gay secondary.

I’m sure most people fancy someone other than their partner at times.

If you fancied another man, how would you ‘move forward’ and why would it be different if it was a woman?

I thought it was fairly widely-accepted that PS came out to deflect an exposé?

I think that, unless they live in a very liberal or alternative place, a lot of bi women (and bi is the correct word - not gay or lesbian), tend to date men and even think of themselves as straight (albeit bicurious) for most of their life because it's easier - both in terms of finding a partner and being accepted by family and society. This can change for a number of reasons - eg they are bored in their marriage, are seeking a change in their life or they just meet a woman that they fall for.

So I think what you are experiencing is very common for bi women (I'm a lesbian btw) but I guess the question is what do you want to do about it - and what impact will that have on the people around you?

That's probably because he doesn't want ro have sex with anyone but you. Generally speaking when you start wanting to have sex with people other than your spouse, your marriage is over, regardless of whether you're lusting after cock or cunt.

What a beautiful way with words 🤢

@CardoMondo. This is fairly common - I work with 3 people and have 2 friends in this position - some with grown up kids who felt they had to fit in with their parents wishes in the 70s and 80s and later regretted it (they are all btw fantastic parents).

This is a complex subject but one that ultimately shows people must be led by their true feelings and should not do things to please others - it’s 2020.

Yes I can relate to this, I've only fell head over heels with about 3 women but I know I'm bi. I'm also married to a man who I love very much. If he left me I'd love to have the second half of my life with a woman.

This is why it’s such a shame that our culture is so focussed on heterosexuality. If things were more even then a lot of people wouldn’t find themselves feeing so confused later in life.

Really? Have you honestly never had a sexual thought about anyone else other than your spouse or partner?

I have sexual feelings towards plenty of people, in real life and celebrities etc. I am capable of being physically attracted to someone and not being an arsehole by acting on it.

@SockDrawer

This is why it’s such a shame that our culture is so focussed on heterosexuality. If things were more even then a lot of people wouldn’t find themselves feeing so confused later in life.

It is a shame. I wish I'd have known I was bisexual earlier. Not because I would change who I'm married to - I adore my husband and wouldn't want to be with anyone else - but I think I'd have felt less confused and more at peace with myself. I hope things change a bit for the next generation

I thought it was fairly widely-accepted that PS came out to deflect an exposé?

So why was the whole narrative not ‘I cheated on my wife’ but instead focussed on sexuality, as if that makes cheating more acceptable?

The next generation definitely has things different. My daughter is a teenager and is exploring her sexuality, she hasn't decided if shes bi or lesbian yet. Looking at things on Pinterest when trying to be up to date with all things gay for gen Z, has really made me see how much more acceptable it is to question what is normal. For me I think in an ideal world I would be with my husband for parenting but spend my life with a beautiful woman.

Oh and I'm really excited for my daughter!

I work with someone who has discovered this, previously two men I worked with in a former job, and the late Graham Chapman described himself as heterosexual before he met his long-term male partner.

@justanotherneighinparadise

That's probably because he doesn't want ro have sex with anyone but you. Generally speaking when you start wanting to have sex with people other than your spouse, your marriage is over, regardless of whether you're lusting after cock or cunt.

What a beautiful way with words 🤢

Apologies if i offended - I'll rephrase. If you want to sleep with someone other than your spouse, it doesn't matter if you want a man or a woman, your marriage is over.

I think I'm probably bi. When I was going through puberty I'd often think about females, not males. That continues to today. I thought everyone was like that secretly. I grew up in a Catholic family, and still would feel it was difficult to openly date another woman.

It's tricky though, my relationships with men have always failed for one reason or another, and I've thought about it a lot recently. I don't know if it's because I'm not totally compatible with men, or if it's just difficulties with relationships in general! I don't want to presume that because one thing doesn't work, I must be meant to be another thing.

An old school friend of mine recently came out, and I think she's been really relieved by it. She said she was bi for years before though.

no im straight but I know people who have, just want you to know don't ever feel ashamed, wrong etc for this. There is no issue being gay or exploring your sexuality at 18 or 60.

I'm the same as you OP. I wish I hadn't grown up in such a homophobic environment (not my parents, my school) as I think I just suppressed it all. I also thought it was normal to have mini-crushes on other girls so never really questioned it much. It's only now I'm in my thirties that it's clicked.

Not me but a relative of mine was married to a women for 30 years or there about. That relative has now passed and his wife is in a relationship with another women. I've often wondered had she always known deep down so she got married to try and suppress it. 30 years being was still quite frowned upon wasn't it or Did she just see this women and feelings that she never knew where there just sufaced.

Hmmm, you are bi, and you wouldn't mind having an open marriage, you would like to experience sex outside the marriage ... sounds like you have some issues in your marriage to sort out.

Yeah, I thought I was asexual for a long time (and I still get periods like that) then think i developed into homosexuality in my mid 20s (I really dont think it was always there although ive always been a proper man in the way I act I suppose)

PP is also right, one night stands especially with other women are total shit. This was part of the confusion. You have to know the person well for it to be worthwhile.

I wouldn't call myself bi but I definitely had/still have obsessions with women. I appreciate another womans looks and body shape/curves etc..

When I was in my late teens I had a couple of experiences with girls but never sex which is a shame as I would have liked too. I would definitely not be able to commit myself to a woman and I am happily married to a man now.