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AIBU?

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Original poster

Declarations about not giving cards out

75 replies

Charideenocardz · 17/12/2020 13:50

Prepared to be told I'm BU but am I?

Why do people feel the need to announce they're donating to charity instead of giving cards?

I'm not talking about people who will be saving a fortune on postage, this includes neighbours. Is it to explain why you won't receive a card from them? Xmas HmmAIBU to find it annoying?

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/12/2020 15:25

It's absolutely fine to declare that you are not sending cards for whatever reason and say you just eanted people to know so they don't feel left out.
It's wholly unnecessary to do "donating to charity instead" bit.

Newkitchen123 · 17/12/2020 15:26

I donate to charity. I also let people know. This has three reasons 1 so people don't think I just can't be bothered 2 so they don't feel obliged to send a card 3 it also encourages others to donate. Just after I posted mine, a friend donated via the link on my post. It's a charity very close to my heart and one I often do two collections a year for in shop doorways as well as doing my own fundraiser. This year that's not been possible so if my link on my post went a small way to the charity getting a bit more money when they've lost so much this year then I'm all for it. An average two hour collection raises about £80. My fundraiser raises about £400. I'm not virtue signalling FFS! I'm trying to help a charity.
It didn't enter my head that anyone would think otherwise! There really are some nasty people out there! I wouldn't want them as friends.

We saw a post about donating to the food bank. It saddened me how many people rely on these. So when we went to the supermarket we bought 4 bags of shopping and dropped it off. Of course we know these food banks exist, of course we know it's a problem but seeing the post on social media made me think about it more. So were they virtue signalling in the first place? No! They were raising awareness.

So go ahead and feel smug calling them virtue signallers. Or actually get out and raise some money!

emmathedilemma · 17/12/2020 15:30

I'm with @LindaEllen on this one. It's the first time I've done it but just totally failed to buy cards in time to write and post them. Also I'm aware that the charities are suffering from a large loss of funding this year so it made more sense to donate the cost of cards & postage directly to them as the amount they get from a pack of cards is very little. It was in no way virtue signaling, more to wish distant friends a very happy Christmas because I haven't seen them for months (or at all this year) and don't know when we'll see each other again. I have found a couple left from last year which I'll post to elderly relatives.

Vivarium · 17/12/2020 15:31

Charideenocardz I would always assume that someone who doesn't send cards does not expect cards.

However, I did find that several people CONTINUED to send us cards, even when they knew we weren't doing them... so in subsequent years I tried adding a P. S. to make it absolutely clear that we didn't expect this. There are still a hardcore few who have made it clear that they still want to send us cards - I can only assume they really enjoy writing them!

I still do send some paper cards, by the way - to elderly family members and to others whom we don't necessarily keep in contact with otherwise. And I write little notes about what we've been doing, and put in a photo to show how the kids have grown. I class these as "meaningful" cards. There is some genuine communication going on there.

But I don't want to do the meaningless cards - the people I will normally see to wish Happy Christmas to in person, or whom I'm going to be messaging back and forth with online anyway during the holiday. To me those are just a waste of paper and time, and most people only do it because they feel they ought to. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely fond of many of the people I don't send a card to (they're often closer friends than the ones I do send a card to). But writing "Dear X, love from Y" so that I can tick it off a list does not really feel like the way to show it.

Laiste · 17/12/2020 15:38

Why do people feel the need to announce they're donating to charity instead of giving cards? ... Is it to explain why you won't receive a card from them?

Yes i imagine so.

does that mean if they announce no cards that they also don't want them?

I would assume that yes.

Why is it annoying? What has it got to do with anyone else if or how much they really do give to charity? Confused

RichardMarxisinnocent · 17/12/2020 15:46

@Hardbackwriter

I also think.that it's so that no one says 'they didn't even bother getting me a card!' but at the same time... they didn't even bother getting them a card! I never really understand why it's seen as virtuous to give to charity money that you would otherwise have spent on other people (see also, those Oxfam goats) - surely if you cared so much you'd forgo something you wanted?!
Presumably then it's ok for me to give an Oxfam goat to a friend if I've asked her to get me a goat? We both agreed we would get each other charity presents.
Almostslimjim · 17/12/2020 15:48

Is it to explain why you won't receive a card from them?

This is why I do it. So I don't get anuty Barbara saying in the new year "card must of got lost in the post" (we are friends on FB).

And yes, I always make the donation, roughly the same as I would spend on cards and stamps. In addition to my usual food bank donation.

Almostslimjim · 17/12/2020 15:50

does that mean if they announce no cards that they also don't want them?

If people want to send them, that's up to them. But they seem environmentally unnecessary and a bit of a waste. I'd rather they didn't.

Fluffybutter · 17/12/2020 15:53

I reckon a large majority of people who say this don’t give to charity , they just can’t be arsed to send cards .
If that’s the case just be honest and say “I’m not sending cards this year” don’t add a lie on .

Vivarium · 17/12/2020 16:07

Can't believe how many people seem to believe that their friends would lie about donating money to charity!

Seriously, get better friends. Or at least cross them off your own Christmas card list, if your opinion of them is that low Grin

TheMamaYo · 17/12/2020 16:22

I was surprised today to see a Facebook post from an acquaintance, asking for donations to a charity in lieu of her sending Christmas cards.

That was a new one to me.

I've wriggled out of Christmas cards almost entirely now, and do donate to charity, but never state it on social media. Each to their own, I guess,

ClaireP20 · 17/12/2020 16:24

I agree OP, and as if they'll really donate to charity...

Newkitchen123 · 17/12/2020 16:29

@ClaireP20

I agree OP, and as if they'll really donate to charity...
Do you say this to any of your friends who post that they donate to charity?

Not only do I donate to charity, i donate more than I would spend on cards and stamps

Hardbackwriter · 17/12/2020 16:32

@RichardMarxisinnocent I'm not the arbiter of what is and isn't ok! But I do think that's much better than unilaterally deciding on other people's behalf that they should get a charity donation rather than a present, and is a nice thing to do as a mutual decision

Laiste · 17/12/2020 16:33

I don't understand why any of this bothers anyone?

If anyone is lying about donating then it's probably because they feel that some of their former recipients will be all cats bum faced about not getting a card and announcing the charity aspect will make jumping off the card bandwagon a bit easier.

SantasBritchesSpelleas · 17/12/2020 16:36

They can't be arsed to write cards out, but that makes them sound bad so they invent some utter hogwash about donating to charity or being concerned about the environment.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/12/2020 16:38

My friends and I share our charities throughout the year. For example friend whose daughter had serious burn shares about the charity which helped them. I share about my chosen local one and so on.
It's good to bring something like this to people's attention, why not?
It's shit to do it by "Not spending money on you, give it to charity instead". Luckily none of my contacts on sm do this type of thing. I do know people in real life who are like that and funnily usually don't mention the name of the charity unless prompted few times.

Original poster
Charideenocardz · 17/12/2020 16:39

@Brefugee

2nd thread about this already?

If they are your friends on SM and you are seeing it on fb or whatever are you aware that the "i bet they don't even contribute" kind of comments amount to calling your friends liars?

Just unfriend and move on. People can do what they like.

I haven't seen the other thread, could you link it here please?

I'm not calling my friends liars, I don't doubt they are donating to charity.

OP posts:
IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 16:44

I never really understand why it's seen as virtuous to give to charity money that you would otherwise have spent on other people (see also, those Oxfam goats) - surely if you cared so much you'd forgo something you wanted?

Because cards are also not great for the environment and aren't obligatory. Also as a lot of threads on MN show plenty of people don't even keep the cards or care about them (or in some cases bitch about which type of card you've sent) so it seems a good place to divert funds to charity.

As for giving charity gifts I love getting these - especially when someone picks a cause which means a lot to me. I can't stand getting more clutter for my home. That said I wouldn't buy a charity gift for someone who I wasn't convinced would appreciate it and if I did I'd choose a cause which I knew was meaningful to them not me.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/12/2020 16:51

I can send cards😂 I have enviroment credit with me being childfree

EmpressSuiko · 17/12/2020 16:55

I’ve written Facebook announcements to inform my family that I’m not sending them cards and to wish them all a merry Christmas. I also don’t ever expect cards from anyone, l see them as so wasteful and expensive.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 16:58

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I think that's fine - surely people can do different things to help the environment? I don't see anyone berating you for sending cards - merely deciding that they're going to personally help the environment by not sending them. What's the problem?

Ladyface · 17/12/2020 17:00

I used to work for a small business and the owner has done this. She’s made a big announcement that there would be no cards for customers and no gifts for the staff. The money is going to the local food bank. I feel for my ex-colleagues as they have worked tirelessly during the pandemic (key worker type role) and earn just above minimum wage. Obviously no one begrudges the food bank but the boss could’ve just paid out of her pocket.

TheDizzyRascal · 17/12/2020 17:01

The best one I saw last year was "Joe and I won't be sending Christmas Cards this year, instead we're going to have a Chinese" Grin

Katgolde · 17/12/2020 17:04

I never really understand why it's seen as virtuous to give to charity money that you would otherwise have spent on other people (see also, those Oxfam goats) - surely if you cared so much you'd forgo something you wanted?!

Yes, this. Why proclaim you're giving up someone else's card or gift, instead of something of your own?

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