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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people deal with lack of sleep better than others?

93 replies

FortunesFave · 17/12/2020 08:06

I'm just TERRIBLE at it! If I'm woken in the middle of the night or if I get much less than 7 hours sleep, I can barely function.

I hear people say things like "Oh I slept terribly...only got about 4 hours" and yet they seem quite alert and capable.

I'm clumsy, grumpy and feel very unwell with lack of sleep.

Or are those other people being brave? DH started a new job today and he woke me up at 5.30 am...he suffers from anxiety so I don't resent him for it...he'd never do it usually but he badly needed company so I got up and spent half an hour with him to boost him up.

Well I didn't go to bed till gone midnight so all day I've been useless! We're in Australia by the way...it's 6.30pm now and all I can think of is bed!

I never have trouble falling asleep....I just can't cope with lack of it!
AIBU to say some people cope better than others?

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 17/12/2020 08:11

Your reaction does seem quite extreme. Are you lacking in sleep generally and a bad night can push you over the edge? Or does it happen just with one night bad sleep?

I can cope with a few bad nights easily enough, but not as well as I could when I was younger. I don’t think I could go back to the sleep deprived baby stage.

My DH is a nightmare with lack of sleep. He can function, but he is a grumpy git.

Perhaps some vitamin and mineral supplements might help you? Magnesium, vit b12 and perhaps iron are the ones that come to mind.

Wellthisismorethanabitgrim · 17/12/2020 08:12

DH often wakes up at 4am and can't get back to sleep, typically he will have had about 4-5 hours by then. He is tired but I think he's kind of got used to functioning like that, he just carries on as normal. I only need to have one night with less than 6ish hours and I'm exhausted and have to have an early night the next night!!

Mol1628 · 17/12/2020 08:13

I’m the same. Slightly broken sleep and I just feel dreadful. I was so miserable when my babies were little. My OH gets a bit irritable but he can function fine.

TeenPlusTwenties · 17/12/2020 08:13

I agree. I don't function at all well when I haven't slept properly.

It would be weird if everyone dealt with lack of sleep the same way, so almost by definition some will cope better than others.

DisgruntledPelican · 17/12/2020 08:16

Yanbu at all. I have had a combination of general insomnia, strange work patterns, pregnancy and a young baby over the past few years and can easily cope on 3-4 hours a night. I only struggled at peak newborn time when I only got an hour or so between feeds and then baby would sleep on me.

I hope my coping lasts because it’s useful to not be tired. I do keep a good handle on my health in other areas though because sleep is an important component of general health.

rooty123 · 17/12/2020 08:17

I agree, some people find it easier than others. I'm generally ok, usually about 6 hours a night but can function on less. However, I cannot deal with anything when hungry!

zippityzip · 17/12/2020 08:17

I think there is a stage where you just get used to it. Although it's terrible for your health living in a constant sleep deficit.

It's actually true that during daylight saving time when we "lose" an hour - there are more deaths on cardiac wards.

I used to do night shifts and regularly ended up awake for 30+ hours with a four hour sleep in between or frequent nights with only 3 hours broken sleep with babies who were terrible sleepers.

I did just get used to a level of normal functioning whilst tired. Although I'm certain during that period of my life I was low level depressed, often ill with colds/virus', terrible temper and heart palpitations from vast quantities of caffeine. It becomes your "normal".

ForestNymph · 17/12/2020 08:18

I'm the same. Less than 9 hours sleep and I feel horrible all day and cant function. Its horrendous.

Bookworming · 17/12/2020 08:19

I'm the same, I'm a total bitch if I don't get my sleep!

museumum · 17/12/2020 08:20

I am awful on low sleep too. When ds was tiny I had around 10 months of only 4hrs or so per night and i functioned but my head was always fuzzy and I had floaters in my eyes and fuzzy vision.

I really wish I needed less sleep

Original poster
FortunesFave · 17/12/2020 08:21

Zippity God! You'd think the staff would compensate by gradually changing waking hours

Mol me too! When my DDs were babies I was like a zombie! When they hit three, I just stopped waking up Blush They used to call DH and that was that!

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 17/12/2020 08:21

Absolutely some people cope better with lack of sleep (and many other things) better than others. It's pretty impossible to know how much of that is a natural, inherent ability and how much is resilience or stoicism though. They may feel physically just the same as you but deal with it better, or they may genuinely feel ok. I have phases of not sleeping very well, but if it's just a night or two I'm fine really.

BakewellGin1 · 17/12/2020 08:23

I love 8 hours sleep - a luxury I don't often have undisturbed whilst DS is small Grin

However I can cope on significantly less.. When oldest was a baby he woke up at least hourly as he suffered colic, reflux and was generally unsettled. Worked full time hours at that point too as I went back to work when he was 4 months.

Don't get me wrong I wake up like the walking dead but couple cups of coffee and I pull round.

Otocinclus · 17/12/2020 08:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Metalhead · 17/12/2020 08:26

I can survive a day if I’ve only had 4 hours sleep, but it’ll catch up with me the next day. And generally speaking, yes, I’m very grumpy and snappy if I’m tired.

Witchend · 17/12/2020 08:27

I used to be someone who could get by on 4 hours sleep as long as I has a good lie in every now and then.
Then I had glandular fever and since then can't do that. I feel actually ill if I have less than 6 hours, and really need 7.
Dh otoh does about 5 hours most nights with a longer sleep at the weekends.

Gardeniaofdelights · 17/12/2020 08:28

I think you get used to a new normal. I used to feel one bad night’s sleep, now I have a new baby and sleep is a distant memory I’m realising I can function on significantly less than I once thought!

BuffaloMozzerella · 17/12/2020 08:28

I can get by on 5 or so hours, but my ability to work efficiently is compromised. I'm so used to being tired that on the days I'm not I can't believe how alert and productive I am!!

TheFrogsNeedFeeding · 17/12/2020 08:30

I'm not sure, I used to be the same as you before I had children, needed a good 8 hours to cope. Now I have 2 kids who dont sleep, I'm shocked at little sleep I get. I think you can get used to feeling rough and have to get on with it.

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 17/12/2020 08:34

I think some people manage better than others on a lack of sleep, definitely. But then you can apply this to a lot of things.

I can manage feeling hungry without getting hangry, some can’t. I don’t cope all that well when in pain but some can. We’re all just different.

goldeline · 17/12/2020 08:39

I do think some people cope better than others, but I also think that you can get used to consistent lack of sleep.

DH is a bloody nightmare if he has an unsettled night - grumpy, irritable. I get up with DC early and deal with a vast majority of night wakings as I'd rather be tired myself than cope with tired DH.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 17/12/2020 08:40

Frogs Well I never got used to it! My children are 16 and 12 now and I was just the same about it when they were little.

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 17/12/2020 08:41

I think there are also different kinds of 'bad' sleep, and people cope differently with them. I always thought I coped well with little sleep because I was fine on about 5/6 hours, and could get by on 4 (I used to regularly work late into the night because I liked writing then) but when I had DS I learned that I really, really needed that to be unbroken sleep - I suspect that's why I need less, that I go into deep sleep quickly. I went absolutely insane with the sleep deprivation of being woken up a lot despite probably getting more hours of sleep than I had before I had him. I'd rather have four solid hours than eight broken ones, especially if the break is something external (e.g. crying baby!) rather than my body waking itself up.

thepeopleversuswork · 17/12/2020 08:43

Definitely. At risk of sounding like an arse I can cope fairly well without sleep and so can my DD. I can function perfectly well on four-five hours. I come unstuck if I have to do this more than one night on the trot but one night of it is fine.

I have to say I'm always a bit sceptical of people who insist that they have to have a full eight hours to function. I have a friend who always (pre-COVID) used to leave drinks and dinners absurdly early because she claimed her life would fall apart if she didn't get eight hours sleep and I was a bit Hmm.

Don't think I've had a full eight hours in a decade. You just have to crack on sometimes.

Googlebrained · 17/12/2020 08:45

I'm like you OP, I really struggle with lack of sleep: my memory deteriorates, I am much less capable of doing even simple tasks well and it depresses my mood.

I used to be able to power through with caffeine and extra calories but these days that doesn't work. I have to take naps!