Aibu to be annoyed with the school?

[avond]

My DS is 15. His dad passed away when he was 12 but when he started getting ill he gave son his chain and it's got a dog tag on. Since DS was about 13 he's worn it and he wears it to school (they're fine with it as long as it's under his shirt and he takes it off for pe). Son is fine with this and he always gives it to his form tutor when he has pe. Last Friday his form tutor wasn't in and he didn't want to give it to another teacher so he refused to take it off. He was told he had to or he'd be sent to isolation. DS did in the end but he put it in his bag. anyway when DS went to get changed the chain wasn't in his bag and at first he thought someone was messing around but they wasn't. DS told the pe teacher but they told him he shouldn't have taken it to school.

In his next lesson he told the teacher but the teacher told him to just sit down (he was late as he was talking to the pe teacher) and then one of sons friends told the teacher DS was crying and the teacher said ' just ignore him, he's only crying about the stupid chain'.

When DS got home he was extremely upset and I called the school but they told me to ring on Monday so I did but they said they can't help me as he shouldn't have had it at school and it's his responsibility. DS is still upset and tomorrow is his last day before Christmas so it looks like he's going to be upset over Christmas and this time of year is already hard enough for him

Aibu to be annoyed? Most of the teachers know about it being his dads.

It’s a horrible lesson for your son to have learned but he really shouldn’t have left it in his bag. He must have known it would be safer with another teacher?

I understand why the school aren’t accepting responsibility when it’s not something he should have had in school, but given they knew he had it and were ok with it I think they should be assisting you in investigating now.

I’m sorry for you and your son’s loss, it’s a hard thing to be dealing with at Christmas especially

You are right to be annoyed. The complete lack of sympathy by the teacher who referred to the chain as “stupid” and the school is horrible. They should be investigating this thoroughly. Of course it is not his fault that his chain was stolen- the person who stole it is where the focus should be on. His loss should not be dismissed so insensitively. If the school won’t respond can the theft be reported to the police?

Yeah, I'd be annoyed. They are being jerks.

He refused to take it off and put it somewhere safe.

No doubt others in his class witnessed this and took their chance perhaps?

Other than school asking if anyone saw anyone take anything that is all they can do.

The Police will take the same approach but may carry more weight.

DS said he didn't want to give it to a teacher he didn't like and he didn't think someone would steal it as they all know how important it is to him.

I just feel so sorry for him and I wish someone would return it because he even said he wouldn't be angry at the person he just wants it back 😕

It must be heart breaking for him to lose the chain, especially one that is irreplaceable!

However, it wasn't the best choice not giving it to the teacher because he doesn't like them and unfortunately someone must have taken it, whether it dropped out his bag etc.

I know it must be a comfort to your son to wear it but I'm surprised school allowed him to wear the chain, especially with no jewellery policies and also because the potential of it being lost or broken and the resulting heart ache this would cause.

Nevertheless, could it be worth putting a message/ picture of chain on the local school / area Facebook page etc. See if it turns up that way?

Depending how the kids are dismissed in PE, as in once you are dress you go to your next lesson or all leave at the same time. I would have expected the teacher, if they knew the relevance of the chain, to get the other boys involved looking for the chain or if they had seen anything. As once they left the lesson, it could have gone anywhere, if it was stolen by another pupil.

I'm sorry he has had a tough time OP, but he has learned a lesson the hard way. He should have given it to the teacher in the first place.

I would be annoyed, IF the 2nd teacher called it stupid. I also do think that given the circumstances, the school could help assist in this situation.

However, if it is clear in school policy that these items are not allowed, and he then refused to hand it over to the teacher, I would say he has unfortunately learnt the hard way. Hopefully the guilty person has a conscience and returns it or leaves it somewhere to be found.

I think this needs escalating as it is clearly a welfare issue in terms of supporting DS with his loss. I personally think the Head should be contacting families in his class asking children to check they haven’t brought it home ‘by mistake’ as it has significant sentimental value. In terms of the uniform policy and how DS should handle the situation in future if a different teacher is there, that can all be discussed calmly once it’s found.

I think the comment by the teacher.gpes against the professional standards of a teacher and you should complain. It's in part two- treating pupils with dignity and building relationships rooted in mutual respect.

I’d escalate this. Your ds is 15 and allowed fo make poor judgment about how best to keep his things safe. The teacher in the next lesson was horrible but perhaps didn’t realise the significance of your ds’s distress. The school has to do something about it imo for your ds’s mental health. I’d approach it as a mental health issue.

I would try the fb post as suggested above, another parent may have seen it in their home and not know where it has come from. I would also speak to the school again as if it has been stolen from his bag then they should help, do they lock changing rooms when students go to pe?

I am so sorry for your DS. How sad this is. The school is of course right but so much lack of compassion. I wouldn't be happy at all that not one teacher reached out to him and considered the wider picture.

I would definitely raise it up.

I would be putting pictures of the chain on every social media outlet possible to do with the school until it's been returned by whoever stole it.

Oh bless him that is awful for him. I would still take it up with the school on a) the teacher that referred to it as stupid, that was unnecessary anyway and then with the sentiment behind the item and then b) say to the school that yes he has learned his lesson in having it at school and understand that they are not responsible but could they just have a heart and help to find it. A note on school social media or a school letter, saying that your son just wants it back and why incase a parent finds it in their house (more people would be looking for it if you can notify the parents). And has he stripped his bag? There maybe a rip in the lining and it is in there? And put your own notices on local Facebook groups incase it is dropped or dumped outside. Good luck finding it

Yes they lock the changing room door when they go to pe. He did say he was one of the last to go and get changed as he was helping to put the equipment away. DS also tried to talk to his head of year but he said he'd speak to DS when he was in his lesson but he never did

@avond

DS said he didn't want to give it to a teacher he didn't like and he didn't think someone would steal it as they all know how important it is to him.

I just feel so sorry for him and I wish someone would return it because he even said he wouldn't be angry at the person he just wants it back 😕

People can be vile and take it because of how important it is.

I'm not sure you will be able to get the school to do anything. Yes, they knew he had it but they didn't take responsibility for it. If he had given it to another teacher and it had gone missing then it would be different.

It won't hurt to call the head tomorrow but I wouldn't be all guns blazing.

I think people saying it’s a lesson for your son to learn are being too harsh. He’s 15 and made a split second decision during an emotional time. He has a right to think his classmates would boy steal something they know was his dad’s.
But it clearly was someone who knew where he put it. I would go to the school and ask for those there that day to be questioned and told the sentimental value and told no one will be punished if the necklace is refound. I hope it is, and if it is, I would discourage him wearing it to school on PE days. Good luck.

Escalate, report, do whatever you have to do to get that chain looked for and the teacher spoken too. Horribly handled by the school, your poor child.

DS took everything out of his bag to look and so did I. His friend also let him look in his bag as they have the same one. I will post on the school Facebook page

I phoned the school today but they said they can't do anything. But DS said that this morning his friend noticed a younger child (year 8 maybe) with a chain so DS went to talk to him and he noticed it was his so when he got to school he spoke to his head of year who spoke to the boy but the boy said it was his not DS's. DS knew it was his and after school when he was on the bus he saw the same boy again and another boy in DS'S year asked him if he still had it and then he told the younger boy not to give it to anyone especially not him (meaning DS) when the older boy got off DS spoke to the boy in about year 8 and he refused to give it to DS even after DS bribed him

I tried to phone the school again but they weren't answering

Someone has stolen it. School aren’t bothered. Call the police.

Xpost! So you know who has it! Great. Police, give them names. If you don’t know the names tell police the school have the name of the boy. Any chance DS knows where he lives? The boy will probably try and get rid of the chain before school tomorrow. If police could visit him tonight they stand a chance of getting it back.

I'm sorry he lost the chain as its important to him. But honestly you should not have let him take it to school. He doesn't need to wear it everyday and as had been shown its not safe.

But given it was stolen the school have reacted badly. However what I'm saying is this should really be expected. Anyld you should have known better.