Re lodger

[lastqueenofscotland]

I have a lovely lodger who I have no issues with generally. She pays on time and is generally pretty clean and tidy. When she’s busy with work she eats in her room a lot, which I’m not super keen on but can overlook, however she only brings her dirty crockery down every few days and this week has been ridiculous. I made dinner for me and DP and realised we only had one fork!
I had to ask her to bring the stuff down and it was loads.
The thought of it sitting there for days is making me a bit .
WIBU to (politely) ask that she brings all the dirty plates/cutlery down every evening?

YANBU

Rank. Yanbu

Of course its ok. Just say can you please bring your cutlery and crockery down every day. Does she do ber own washing up.

Ask her to get her own plates and cutlery

thats exactly what you should do OP. If she works late and is too knackered to wash up at night so just leaves them upstairs, you could always say you don't mind her washing up her plate in the morning (thats if she is tidy and you think she'd do it).

Urgh.
My DC are not adverse to this.

Just buy some more forks. Unless its a health hazard then shes perfectly entitled to have dirty plates in her room.

Shes your lodger not your teenager. Shes entitled to use her room as she sees fit unless it breaks the terms of your lodger agreement.

To be honest, OP, I would buy a set of cutlery, cups, plates and bowl and designate them as her sole use, and make that (nicely) clear. COVID can be a good reason here.

Perfectly fine to do this, then when hers are all gone, she knows she has to wash up or eat with her fingers.

It's all fine till the rats and mice settle in.

Does she work from home too? So breakfast, lunch and dinner plates? That is a bit rank.

YANBU!

I had this with an old lodger; for Christmas she bought me 8 forks 🤣

That's a bit grim! You need to take a leaf out of my FILs book. He'd offer us a cup of tea and when we said yes please, he said all the crockery had to be brought down first!

Controlling much? She pays you rent. If you dont like sharing your stuff, pay your own mortgage

oh god here we go again.

For Forks sake.

I’ve no issue with sharing at all... I don’t want 4 day old plates sitting in a room. I’m worried it’ll attract pests

@CutToChase

Controlling much? She pays you rent. If you dont like sharing your stuff, pay your own mortgage

It doesn’t sound to me as though the OP is against sharing. She couldn’t eat her dinner because all cutlery was in the lodger’s room, and that’s not fair. I had this problem in a house share, and it’s really annoying having to knock on other people’s doors just so you can eat.

OP, it sounds like a minor issue. Just explain you couldn’t eat cause she had all the the forks. She probably didn’t realise, just mention it and hopefully she’ll be more considerate in future.

Politely ask her not to eat in her room I had lodgers and we had to have chats about this especially as your said vermin.
I didn't stop them eating in their rooms actually but they knew we had had mice problems in the past so I would say no food to be left anywhere but the kitchen,
Fair enough they pay you rent but it's your house and it selfish that they don't return shared items so that others can use them

It's not easy but open communication is key

4 day old dirty plates will not attract pests, unless they are covered in waste food. Or your home has a lot of bluebottles - unlikely in December.

Some dirty coffee mugs, beer glasses and some plates that once held sandwiches / pizza and now have a smear of tomato sauce and a bit of cheese on them are not a health risk. Otherwise every Mumsnetter with teenagers would be dead.

I don't allow my teenagers to leave dirty plates in their rooms so not unreasonable to ask her to bring down daily and wash up

What about giving her a choice? She either brings dirty items down and washes them or she will have to purchase her own crockery and cutlery. This is teenaged behaviour. How does her room smell?

@CutToChase

Controlling much? She pays you rent. If you dont like sharing your stuff, pay your own mortgage

The OP is sharing her home and her crockery.

Lodgers are not A Thing here, and I’m not surprised why.

MN is full of weird, socially inept lodgers. What is it about ‘lodging’ that attracts the flotsam and jetsam of society?

Just speak to her about it OP, in a normal manner (aka without saying you think she is rank and its going to cause vermin, when it obviously won't). Point out you ran out of cutlery etc as a result the other day so would prefer she source and use her own, and give her a drawer in the kitchen.

But if she sources and uses her own, the lodger will still be storing dirty plates in her room for days on end, which isn’t OK.

Clearly I am way too old for house-sharing (I am), as thinking this isn’t OK is obviously weirdly controlling. 🙄

@MerchantOfVenom
Where's "here"

Ew! You'll get mice! Tell her you've seen a mouse and it was by her room...or coming out or something. Tell her that's that with leaving dishes;...can't be done any longer.