Re lodger

[lastqueenofscotland]

I have a lovely lodger who I have no issues with generally. She pays on time and is generally pretty clean and tidy. When she’s busy with work she eats in her room a lot, which I’m not super keen on but can overlook, however she only brings her dirty crockery down every few days and this week has been ridiculous. I made dinner for me and DP and realised we only had one fork!
I had to ask her to bring the stuff down and it was loads.
The thought of it sitting there for days is making me a bit .
WIBU to (politely) ask that she brings all the dirty plates/cutlery down every evening?

@MyGazeboisLeaking

To be honest, OP, I would buy a set of cutlery, cups, plates and bowl and designate them as her sole use, and make that (nicely) clear. COVID can be a good reason here.

Perfectly fine to do this, then when hers are all gone, she knows she has to wash up or eat with her fingers.

Best reply and way forward I think.

Not UK, CutToChase.

Here, we just call them flatmates, even if one person is the owner of the house (from what I gather, that seems to be the distinction).

I remember lodgers on Coronation St when I was growing up in the 80s, and for the most part they were weirdos there, too.

Just have a conversation about bringing plates etc down at the end of each day and washing them up (same with bring doen trash), one primary reason being that it will attract mice. And if that grim about food, wonder what else they are leaving sitting for long periods. Everyone entitled to a bit of mess and a bit of slacking off, but being dirty/behaviour that beings pests not on. A lodger does not need to be an overgrown teenager.

@MerchantOfVenom

Not UK, CutToChase.

Here, we just call them flatmates, even if one person is the owner of the house (from what I gather, that seems to be the distinction).

I remember lodgers on Coronation St when I was growing up in the 80s, and for the most part they were weirdos there, too.

Wow. What a horrible statement. I live in the UK and I lodge with people. It has been a godsend to help save to buy. Please don't assume we are weirdos. Horrible assumptions.

Lodging is 100% a thing in the UK.

Also a lodger. I am clean and reasonably tidy and pay my rent on time. My landlady is kind and lovely - I bought her flowers recently and she welcomed me with a bottle of nice Sauvignon blanc.

I was relieved to hear that the previous lodger stayed 6 years. I only need lodgings Monday to Friday but couldn’t afford a flat as well as my home Mortgage . I’m not a weirdo

OP YANBU!

YANBU to ask for dirty dishes to be brought down every day. If our dc have dishes upstairs and they don't bring them down then we ask them to, they need washed up regularly.

I wouldn't be too concerned about attracting mice unless there are chunks of food left out, but I would expect ants, other insects etc to eventually find the dirty dishes, particularly in warmer weather. Ants are intelligent and once they find a food source they remember where it is and will keep returning.

Have a conversation. Apart from cleanliness and hygiene, you may actually be getting her to take a short break from work, which may be of good to her.

@C0NNIE

Just buy some more forks. Unless its a health hazard then shes perfectly entitled to have dirty plates in her room.

Shes your lodger not your teenager. Shes entitled to use her room as she sees fit unless it breaks the terms of your lodger agreement.

She is not entitled to deprive OP of use of her own cutlery and crockery that she is supposed to be sharing. The lodger is a full grown woman, not some lazy, gross teenager with a pile of mouldy dishes and mugs squirrelled away in their bedrooms because they can't be arsed moving them to the kitchen.

@MyGazeboisLeaking

To be honest, OP, I would buy a set of cutlery, cups, plates and bowl and designate them as her sole use, and make that (nicely) clear. COVID can be a good reason here.

Perfectly fine to do this, then when hers are all gone, she knows she has to wash up or eat with her fingers.

That's what I did, on the advice of an experienced friend, when I had a lodger many years ago. She had all her own stuff and her own washing up bowl to put them in.

OP I would just have a nice quick word. "Hi lodger, any chance you could bring your plates and stuff to the kitchen daily please? We ran out the other day. Cheers!"

As others have said, just talk to her.

It's pretty reasonable to ask her not to squirrel away the contents of her kitchen in her room.

Just tell her she can provde her own if she needs extra but that the contents of the kitchen need to stay in the kitchen apart from when they are actually being used. I don't think you should try to ban her from eating in her room but asking her to return the shared crockery items after is very reasonable.

I am a lodger and have my own crockery, glassware and cutlery because my landlady is the one whose washing up piles up.

@MerchantOfVenom

Not UK, CutToChase.

Here, we just call them flatmates, even if one person is the owner of the house (from what I gather, that seems to be the distinction).

I remember lodgers on Coronation St when I was growing up in the 80s, and for the most part they were weirdos there, too.

I'm not sure that using Coronation Street, or any soap, as your reference point for lodgers - or mechanics, or cafe owners, or hairdressers, or anything - is helpful. You do know that their point is to exaggerate & caricature, right?!

Lodgers are real, normal people. Often a pleasure to have. Certainly a great way to live more cheaply.

Lodgers are real, normal people. Often a pleasure to have. Certainly a great way to live more cheaply

Indeed. And a way of getting £7,500 of tax free income. Many lodgers also share bills like council tax, broadband and utilities.

There are women on MN who stay living with an abusive partner because they can’t afford to live alone. But they COULD afford to kick him out and get a lodger, who would almost certainly be less hassle.

Lodgers are very underrated here on MN.

However I also see many threads like this where I think the landlord is being completely unreasonable. If the only thing your lodger does to annoy you is keep your teaspoons then you are doing well. Most husbands are considerably more annoying than that

YANBU. She's a lodger. Not your teenage DC

Ugh disgusting!!!! YANBU OP.