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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To long for some time to myself now I've got a baby?

39 replies

Nicknamegoeshere · 16/12/2020 18:38

Even if it's just to do something like have a relaxing bath or watch TV for half an hour?

My baby is almost seven months. I have an hour without her on me most evenings (when OH takes her for a walk and she sleeps) but apart from that she's with me 24/7. OH says I should "stop whinging."

AIBU?

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 16/12/2020 18:41

Oh dear OP. It appears you've got two children.

Having a baby is incredibly hard when there's two of you taking equal share in the responsibility. With a partner who isn't supportive it's almost impossible.

Is he always like this? Or had he recently started being selfish and unhelpful?

LightDrizzle · 16/12/2020 18:42

Entirely normal!

SuddenArborealStop · 16/12/2020 18:43

All I want for Christmas is a good night's sleep and to sit alone in my room for a few hours

chocolate26 · 16/12/2020 18:45

That's not very nice of your partner to tell you to stop whinging! Caring for a baby 24/7 is incredibly hard work. I have a 6 month old and a husband who is at work A LOT! So I do it pretty much by myself and I am exhausted. My baby does now go to bed at about 7.30/8pm so I do get a couple of hours in the evening without her which is amazing! Does your baby go down for naps by him/herself? What about at night time? :)

Brokenchair1 · 16/12/2020 18:46

OP I was a single parent but did things like put DD in a baby bouncer in the bathroom when I had a bath. Also chilled out when she napped rather than worry about housework.

The fact that you have a DH means you should be able to get me time. Can he not take her for a few hours at the weekend and let you rest?

GlowingOrb · 16/12/2020 18:48

It is entirely normal to wish for more alone time when they are little. You are pretty lucky to have a consistent hour most evenings. It will get better over time. A slow shift towards freedom. N

SillyOldMummy · 16/12/2020 18:49

Well, if you're whingeing then that is a bit unreasonable. But it's not unreasonable to want time for yourself.

I haven't had a single relaxing bath in the two years since my DS was born! And I watch TV when my son is asleep, it's possible to do that with subtitles on (I co-sleep).

If I want more time to myself, i try and be reasonable and offer my OH some of the excellent reasons why it would be sensible for me to get some time to myself. If i whinged, it would get his back up as he'd think I was blaming him, I expect.

Maybe just try and have a calm conversation about it.

Jojo19834 · 16/12/2020 18:56

I’m right with you! I’m a single parent to a 4 month old and for Christmas I have asked for a weekend of babysitting so I can just do nothing! The more I have adjusted recently to my new life the more I’m not sure I can be away from her for so long!! But I’d love to just go to a spa and do me for a weekend. That or a hotel, room service and Netflix all weekend!

ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2020 18:57

YANBU to want more time to yourself

But at 7 months, I’d really hope that the baby was in enough of a routine to be able to go to bed a few hours before you to give you some time alone. Have you looked at trying to get her down earlier?

Wearywithteens · 16/12/2020 19:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Findahouse21 · 16/12/2020 19:02

What do you do in the hour while your partner takes her out? Surely you could do those things then?

Schehezarade · 16/12/2020 19:03

Yes, it's really hard - in days gone by there was extended family so aunties, GPs, siblings to watch the baby for a while.
Now it's all down to one person.
I have a DBIL who had no DCs - OMG he ate what he wanted when he wanted, went to bed when he wanted, never got disturbed, watched what TV he wanted etc. My DCs were teens when I realised this.
But I spose I'm luckier with my now grown up DCs.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2020 19:05

Aside from her napping walk with dh do they ever spend alone time together?

ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2020 19:05

@Findahouse21

What do you do in the hour while your partner takes her out? Surely you could do those things then?
You are fucking kidding??? The OP has to shoehorn every bit of relaxation/ eating / having a poo she might do in to the 1 hour freedom rather than having done equal parenting from her partner who has literally all the rest of the time?!
FTMF30 · 16/12/2020 19:06

@SillyOldMummy

Well, if you're whingeing then that is a bit unreasonable. But it's not unreasonable to want time for yourself.

I haven't had a single relaxing bath in the two years since my DS was born! And I watch TV when my son is asleep, it's possible to do that with subtitles on (I co-sleep).

If I want more time to myself, i try and be reasonable and offer my OH some of the excellent reasons why it would be sensible for me to get some time to myself. If i whinged, it would get his back up as he'd think I was blaming him, I expect.

Maybe just try and have a calm conversation about it.

@sillyoldmummy So you have to effectively pitch the idea of getting some time to yourself?Hmm
Findahouse21 · 16/12/2020 19:09

@shirleyphallus, no I was more trying to come up with some constructive ideas as to how the OP can achieve what she wants. Because in all honesty, if one parent is working full time then it can be really hard to 'shoe horn' in proper downtime for both in my experience so was wondering if that slot could be used a bit differently to at least make her feel a bit more chilled. Hope that's okay with you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/12/2020 19:13

Do you exclusively breastfeed? If not then no this isn’t normal! Your partner can step up!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2020 19:13

When dd was about 3 weeks old dh mentioned that he was nipping for a walk into town to do some shopping. I dressed dd and put her in the buggy with a bag of stuff and said "have a lovely time, you two".

Dh admitted when he got back that he was terrified (as was I!!) but that it was the best thing to do as he realised it wasn't somethi g scary and he was capable of meeting all her needs.

The fact we formula fed meant it was easier but sometimes they need an early push into it to make them realise that (1) they can do it and (2) they ought to do it.

Your oh doesn't pull his weight as a father if that is literally the extent of what he does with Dd.

hammeringinmyhead · 16/12/2020 19:13

This point is really hard. I breastfed and then mixed fed so really the max I could be away from DS at 7 months was about 3 hours. However DH used to take him while I went to the cinema a couple of times a week.

The evenings should be shared but it's not so easy if your DH gets home at say 7pm from a long commute. What happens at weekends?

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 16/12/2020 19:54

I breastfeed and bedshare. In the hour he has her I wash up from dinner and clear up etc. Then she is wide awake as soon as he returns around 8pm until I take her up with me around 10pm. I think I'm just tired maybe as she wakes every hour or so for a feed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 16/12/2020 19:55

He finishes work between 5.30 and 6pm, no commute.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/12/2020 19:58

Wakes every hour to feed?? ! Hellish

Do you want to look to sort this, introduce the odd bottle? If not it’s fine, it just is what it is then.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2020 20:00

I think the 7pm nap is a bit of a pitfall to get into.

Maybe instead he could do a nice bath with her and into pjs, then bring her to you for a feed and put her down to bed.

You could both have dinner together after she is down - this would free up time for him and her to spend together in what would have been dinnertime.

jgjgjgjgjg · 16/12/2020 20:01

She's 7 months old and wakes every hour for a feed?? There's your problem. Have you considered night weaning?

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 16/12/2020 20:01

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Sometimes she goes a little longer, but it's normally about every hour from 2/3 am. And she's eating solids well, too!! My OH has it lucky as he gets a full night every night (when his back allows him to - he's got back problems).

OP posts:
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