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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dh to leave me to sleep!

47 replies

harmony1995 · 16/12/2020 17:35

Currently very pregnant so probably hormonal and unreasonable but its getting to me haha!

Dh works shifts, a mix of earlies lates and nights. More nights than anything. I work in an office role (currently wfh!)

When dh is on nights, he is normally home by 5am and in bed for when i get up at 7am. I set my alarm on my watch, sneak out and he rarely even stirs when I get up.

Likewise if he is on lates, I let him sleep in, get up quietly, get dc (6) up for school and he rarely hears us go, unless dc is being particularly noisy!

When dh is on earliest as he is this week he has to be up at 530. He sets his alarm loudly on his phone (despite having a watch he wears at night that could do that) lays in bed for 20 minutes and then tries to wake me up and ask me questions about where stuff is.

I am struggling with exhaustion at the moment working full time in a full on job, being heavily pregnant and doing the majority of the day to day housework as I'm at home. My iron levels are also being investigated as they are really low.

He says I should be awake by 530 anyway as I go to bed at 930, but after he wakes me up I struggle to get back to sleep so that's why I'm in bed at 930!

I asked him this morning not to wake me and he moaned its the only time he gets to talk to me without dc around!

Aibu to ask him to let me sleep!

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 16/12/2020 17:39

He's being a selfish Prick OP.. he should be respecting that you are heavily pregnant and let you rest 🌺

Smallsteps88 · 16/12/2020 17:40

YANBU!!

How selfish of him. Sounds like you need to start banging about on the mornings he doesn’t need to wake up.

Scarydinosaurs · 16/12/2020 17:40

He is being so fucking selfish.

Have you pointed out what you do to allow him to sleep?

VettiyaIruken · 16/12/2020 18:21

Tell him bluntly that what he is doing is inconsiderate and at this point, cruel. You are heavily pregnant and exhausted and he needs to care about that!

ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 16/12/2020 18:22

Absolute arse. That’s nasty

katmarie · 16/12/2020 18:26

I remember the bone tired level of exhaustion I got with low iron and pregnancy. Yanbu, he should be letting you sleep. You're growing a human ffs. Its hard work.

SpnBaby1967 · 16/12/2020 18:27

My DH also used to do shifts in his previous role & he would get his clothes etc out the night before & leave in the hallway, sets the alarm on his watch (prior to these watches being around he did use his phone but had it set low volume) and creeps out the room.

Sometimes it woke me still, most times it didnt. But in other words, your DH is selfish.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 16/12/2020 18:29

Tell him to sleep on the couch. Do you have the funds to buy a futon or something which he can unfold and sleep on in the living room?

It's just really not OK. Maybe start waking him up when he's trying to sleep instead of being considerate and he might get it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2020 18:29

What a dick.

I'm afraid I'd vote for action here. Make noise. Wake him. Lights on and talking at all the times it is inconvenient for him.

PinkiOcelot · 16/12/2020 18:33

I would be reciprocating and waking him instead of creeping around! The selfish bastard!!

Unicant · 16/12/2020 18:35

omg id literally murder my husband if he did this... im not joking I think id genuinely become violent.

AdoraBell · 16/12/2020 18:37

Tell him to stop, tell him he is unreasonable and you are working, exhausted, heavily pregnant, child care, cleaning the house, cooking. If he continues then stop getting up quietly. Set your alarm the same way he does, make no attempt to keep noise down. Run up the stairs to use the loo, clatter about in the kitchen baking breakfast/coffee etc.

FoxtrotOscarPoppet · 16/12/2020 18:37

YANBU

My DH works shifts. After having our daughter if he woke me up at 5am to kiss me goodbye / leave instructions re the step kids then I found I was wide awake and couldn’t drop back off. Not great when you’re already exhausted from night feeds. So I told him to stop. He had a whinge but it fell on deaf ears.

Tell him to get over himself.

Unicant · 16/12/2020 18:37

My husband has to get up at 5.30 for work.. he has a bath the night before and gets all his clothes and stuff ready and puts them downstairs so he doesn't have to get ready in the bedroom. Sometimes his alarm dies wake me but he leaves the room immediately and I usually fall back asleep for a couple of hours. He certainly doesn't try and talk to me.

Sexnotgender · 16/12/2020 18:42

YANBU. Is he a selfish cuntweasel in other areas of your relationship?

For context, I’m also currently 23 weeks pregnant and on annual leave. Our toddler is teething and was inconsolable from about 4.30am this month. We juggled comforting him between us and at 6am DH said I’ll get up with him. I said no, you’re working today I’m off I’ll do it. But he insisted, saying you’re pregnant and need to rest. That’s what nice people do, they look out for the other people in their lives.

Notsofast1 · 16/12/2020 18:47

No way! I am 33 weeks and due to have a c section in 3 weeks time. My husband gets up at 6 for work a couple of times a week. he sleeps in the spare room when hes up that early. I ordinarily get up at 6.30 for work but the extra half an hour is definitely important. We have a 3 year old as well and the exhaustion is real. I definitely could not be dealing with getting woken up at 5.30am!!! Do you have somewhere else he can sleep?

MiriamMargo · 16/12/2020 18:47

What a selfish git he is !!

MassiveSalad · 16/12/2020 18:51

I honestly think this is abusive. Please don't excuse his disgusting behaviour by saying it's "hormones". Men have hormones too, they don't blame genuine feelings on hormones.

BewareTheBeardedFatMan · 16/12/2020 18:55

Is he controlling in other ways? Because he is deciding that it is up to him to decide when you 'should' get up based on when you went to bed, rather than allowing you, as an adult, to decide for yourself based on your own wants and needs - which is very controlling and completely unreasonable.

Sexnotgender · 16/12/2020 19:09

@MassiveSalad

I honestly think this is abusive. Please don't excuse his disgusting behaviour by saying it's "hormones". Men have hormones too, they don't blame genuine feelings on hormones.
It’s definitely borderline abusive. It’s controlling.
londongirl12 · 16/12/2020 19:11

Do the same to him when he's on lates. He'll soon realise he's being a dick, hopefully!

AnotherEmma · 16/12/2020 19:17

YANBU. I would have murdered him by now. Actually I would have just told him to fuck off the first time he woke me up, he wouldn't have done it again.
Why are you doing all the house work despite being heavily pregnant? Stop that now. He should be doing at least half. He needs to get into the habit of doing it now so he can continue (and if necessary increase it) after baby arrives.

Is the 6yo his child?

Thehop · 16/12/2020 19:32

He’s a selfish Twat

He wants to talk to you so thinks that’s more important than you needing sleep?

Do it back when he’s on lates

Ragwort · 16/12/2020 19:35

There are some horrendously selfish men around - DH and I struggle to sleep well together so we have separate rooms, no shift work, pregnancy or young child reasons but we both just respect that we each need our sleep and make that a priority.

Waveysnail · 16/12/2020 19:36

Good job he doesnt have me as a partner. I'm so no great when woken lol