To ask dh to leave me to sleep!

[harmony1995]

Currently very pregnant so probably hormonal and unreasonable but its getting to me haha!

Dh works shifts, a mix of earlies lates and nights. More nights than anything. I work in an office role (currently wfh!)

When dh is on nights, he is normally home by 5am and in bed for when i get up at 7am. I set my alarm on my watch, sneak out and he rarely even stirs when I get up.

Likewise if he is on lates, I let him sleep in, get up quietly, get dc (6) up for school and he rarely hears us go, unless dc is being particularly noisy!

When dh is on earliest as he is this week he has to be up at 530. He sets his alarm loudly on his phone (despite having a watch he wears at night that could do that) lays in bed for 20 minutes and then tries to wake me up and ask me questions about where stuff is.

I am struggling with exhaustion at the moment working full time in a full on job, being heavily pregnant and doing the majority of the day to day housework as I'm at home. My iron levels are also being investigated as they are really low.

He says I should be awake by 530 anyway as I go to bed at 930, but after he wakes me up I struggle to get back to sleep so that's why I'm in bed at 930!

I asked him this morning not to wake me and he moaned its the only time he gets to talk to me without dc around!

Aibu to ask him to let me sleep!

That’s awful of him. I agree don’t blame hormone. Why the fuck would anyone think it was ok to wake someone up at 5.30am, regardless of anything else? It’s not ok at all. And him not respecting that is also terrible.

You need to sit down and have a very strong conversation with him. If he doesn't stop you could try waking him when you come to bed and get up.

I'd tell him he can either start being more considerate/quiet in a morning or he can get his stuff out of the wardrobe the night before and sleep on the sofa! He's just being bloody selfish.

‘Ask’?? I wouldn’t be asking, I’d be telling.

What a dick.

Deliberate sleep deprivation is abusive and a known abuser tactic.

Don't ASK him, TELL him, clearly. Don't feel you have to cajole him. If he doesn't stop, start doing it to him until he gets the message.

And don't tell where any of his shit is! If he asks, don't respond!

He’s an arsehole and I would have killed him by now. And I’m not even growing another human being.

Even if I wasnt pregnant I'd be mad at that. If he wants time to talk to you I'd set your alarm 20 min early when he is sleeping and give him the same treatment back and when he moans just say 'but I wanted to speak to you!'. The only way you're going to make him see how unreasonable he is, is by doing the same to him

Of course YANBU.
He is being incredibly selfish.
Nothing to do with being pregnant, this is just really selfish.
Whichever of dh and I have to get up first, we get our clothes ready the night before and put them in the bathroom. Alarm goes off and whichever of us needs to get up earlier than the other gets up straight away and leaves the room for the other to drop back into their sleep.
Just as any normal, considerate person would do.

He sounds horrible. Personally, I’d move into the spare room until he learned better manners.

DH and I both work shifts and are often like passing ships, the only rule we have is never wake the other.
In your situation I'd be waking him up and chatting when he's lates and nights just so he realises how unreasonable he's being.
If you wanted to be up at 0530 you'd have your alarm set.

'DH if you continue to do this I will wake you up two hours early every single time you are on lates or nights.

'I am working, growing a child and looking after children while iron deficient, if you continue to do this I will consider your actions as abusive towards me.m

Low iron and pregnancy takes it out of you I used togo to bed at 7 when ds went up and would sleep right throw till alarm 12 hours an still be drained. Tell him he is being unreasonable you need to sleep also tell him to take responsibility for his own things a grown man should know where things.

Ask him how he would feel if you were waking him up when you get up and he is sleeping? Because you know it’s an opportunity for family time!

He expects you to have some consideration for his sleep but has none for yours. It’s not ok. Even less to decide whether you have slept enough or not.
I would have strangled him a long time ago

Wake him up, honestly it’s more likely to sink in once he experiences it. Wake him up, YANBU

Tell him if he does it again you will start the same and wake him up constantly and wait for him to get pissed off and ask him if you could both start repsefting eachothers sleep.

YANBU at all. Not remotely. This would give me the rage. Sleep is so essential and precious at any time, but especially when you're pregnant.

Well if he wants to chat in the mornings, he can wake up earlier after his lates, can't he? I'd be telling him a very clear 'no' to this behaviour, and if it fell on deaf ears, repeating it on his lie in days. Really selfish of him.

my DH leaves at 5:30 every day, so every evening he "gets his stuff ready for school" and leaves it in the bathroom ready for getting dressed. In the morning he often wakes before his alarm so it doesn't even go off. Some days i wake at 7 and think "bloody hell, he hasn't left" - but he has

OP your DH needs to get a grip and be a lot more considerate.

Have you pointed out to him that sleep deprivation is a form of torture and asked why he would want to do to that to the woman he loves?

Tell him that, if he can't get his act together, he can sleep elsewhere.