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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel guilty about ordering prepared Xmas dinner

140 replies

merrygoround51 · 16/12/2020 10:44

Just that. I orderEd a slap up meal from a local fine food shop /deli. Everything is cooked or prepped.

Cost is quite high but we can afford it but I have a niggling feeling that I should be doing what my mother, grandmother and aunties do/did - ie martyr themselves for 3 days prepping Christmas and Stephens day dinner. Maybe it’s particularly Irish but an exhausted, wrung out mother almost seems part of Christmas and I feel like I am somehow letting the side down with my laziness and am tempted to give in and prep it all.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 16/12/2020 11:23

Sounds fab.

I’ve never cooked Christmas dinner. My DH loves cooking and he spends weeks planning the menu and lists and preparing.

I wrap gifts.

There is zero requirement to martyr ourselves - it should be a time for everyone to enjoy and relax.

EveningOverRooftops · 16/12/2020 11:28

My freezer has Xmas dinner innit already. All prepped. Just shove it in the over or defrost in the case if dessert. I cook all bloody year. I’m not spending half the day cooking and prepping a meal for 2.

It’s just been the two of us for years and we don’t put in huge effort. It doesn’t feel right.

Maybe if I was married, had extended family I’d feel a bit differently 🤷🏻‍♀️

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 16/12/2020 11:31

Enjoy every mouthful - and the hospitality industry needs every little bit of help it can get.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 16/12/2020 11:32

Well I'm working until 1500 on Xmas day, so I've spent £55 at Cook and ds2 is going to do it for me. I just have to remember to take the turkey out of the freezer.

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 16/12/2020 11:49

Guilt of this kind is a switch that can just be turned off, as far as I’m concerned. I’ve not time at all for the tyranny of wife work, nor the obligation to spend my time being frazzled, stressed and exhausted for everyone else’s benefit. The sooner you break the pattern the better, especially if you have daughters. Teach them to value themselves and their own well-being. And teach your sons to properly value and appreciate what you do.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 16/12/2020 11:50

I remember my childhood friend saying how much she hated Christmas because the adults were so wrapped up in having all the food and decor and presents perfect that the whole thing became stressful and they wouldn't get any quality time together.

Your family will get a delicious meal, you'll be relaxed, a local restaurant which is probably struggling with covid will get some much needed custom. Unless you paid for it with money stolen from an elderly neighbour's pension then I don't see what possible harm you're doing.

55larry · 16/12/2020 11:51

I have cooked Christmas dinner for the last 35 years with numbers between 6 and 18 people and over the last few years I have been buying ready prepared frozen potatoes and frozen parsnips as I got fed up with cooking. This year I am going to dd and she has learnt from me that not everything has to be freshly prepared because she should enjoy Christmas as much as the rest of us.

sugarbum · 16/12/2020 12:01

I hate fucking cooking. I particularly hate cooking roasts because no-one gives a shit that I've spent hours whisking, chopping, peeling, stirring, basting, timing, heaint, and whatever else the fuck you need to do. The eldest wolfs down food in about 2 minutes and disappears again.

So now I rely on Aunt Bessie. This year, we might even splash out on some M&S ready made. If we could afford it, I'd pay a small business to cook it for me so I don't even have to turn on the oven.
YANBU

Raspberry681 · 16/12/2020 12:05

Sounds great! Back in the day, many women didn’t work outside the home so perhaps taking on the strain of Christmas wasn’t as bad as it is for women today who work and have domestic and childcare duties.

Knittedfairies · 16/12/2020 12:06

That's a great idea! You are supporting the local economy and protecting jobs - and you don't have to deal with the sprouts. Win, win, win. Enjoy.

formerbabe · 16/12/2020 12:17

Yanbu...you should definitely do it all yourself. Whilst you're at it, I suggest chucking your washing machine away and getting a big metal washing tub and mangle. Get rid of your vacuum too and beat your carpets on the line outside to get rid of the dust. Put your back into it.

RightYesButNo · 16/12/2020 12:18

Isn’t it funny and not funny “ha ha” how many of us have Christmas memories of completely stressed mothers and grandmothers? Or fights caused by people already being stressed by all the cooking and pressure for perfection, like @IMNOTSHOUTING mentioned her friend had for her whole childhood. I know in my childhood, there was a Christmas disaster almost every year, and we were supposed to laugh about it in the future, but on the day of, when there was screaming and maybe tears, I surely was NOT feeling the Christmas spirit.

I think if our mums and grand mums had the money and opportunity, they would absolutely have done what you’re doing. Also, remember, this is NOT the way it’s “always” been, even though I know @SillyOldMummy is making a joke. The World Wars changed everything, but before them, over one million people (1.27 million in 1911 - that’s only a little more than 100 years ago) worked in domestic service. They weren’t all working in Downton Abbey! Many were working as cooks, even “kitchen girls,” for middle class families. Women took on traditional “men’s” jobs during the wars and didn’t go “back into service” afterwards, and it changed things dramatically. So the stress of trying to plan, prepare, and execute a huge holiday meal being done by just one woman who doesn’t cook professionally is still a relatively new, and it appears for many a stressfully shite, concept. Especially while she’s maybe working outside the home the rest of the time and having Christmas be one of only two real rest periods per year (along with maybe some summer holidays).

No one who ordered from Cook or the like should feel guilty at all. And if some want to make nine-course feasts from scratch and it makes them happy, have at it - good for them, too. Everyone does what’s right for their family.

merrygoround51 · 16/12/2020 12:29

@Aprilx The sort of dinner my mother and grandmother prepped can’t be done in one day. Along with cooked breakfasts it was w huge amount of work

OP posts:
merrygoround51 · 16/12/2020 12:34

@RightYesButNo You have totally hit the nail on the head.
We had regular disasters which ended up with a screaming or stressed mother and it was sort of all part of the Christmas madness event but you are right, I have two DDs and I don’t want them to grow up watching that.

As one other poster said as well though there has to be a happy medium somewhere but my DH isn’t at all interested in cooking, however he will do all the wash up

OP posts:
Heyahun · 16/12/2020 12:36

jeez absolutely wouldn't be feeling guilty at all!

My MIL (Also in Ireland) in her 80s bloody loves being the martyr - she always gets a huge turkey - even though most of us alternate years we spend at her house - then she moans when we remind her we are not coming (we told her loads of times) she always says well this is the first i've heard of it and now i've too much food!

We try help her prep and we get thrown out of the kitchen for doing it wrong - then later she says oh nobody ever helps me - i've been up since 6 this morning and I haven't stopped!

I vowed to never be like that - my husband and I are on our own this year as can't travel home - we are not making a huge meal - going very casual!

Pre-cooked food sounds amazing tbh!

This never happened in my house - my dad did the cooking and would usually have it all prepped the day before and literally just throw it in the oven xmas morning -can't ever remember there being much stress tbh!

merrygoround51 · 16/12/2020 12:40

@Heyahun It’s very Irish. It’s almost a ‘look how much I love you, you can tell by the fact that I am completely stressed out my bin and angry to boot’
Of course it has the opposite affect!

OP posts:
emmetgirl · 16/12/2020 12:43

Why? Sounds like a great idea!

MsTSwift · 16/12/2020 12:44

I don’t understand who the 38% yabu voters are?! Are they the Christmas Martyrs?!

Did a trial run on Sunday everything pre made from m and s. Concluded I will make my own stuffing as it’s nicer but everything else shop bought. Bought gravy is a revelation

DryRoastPeanut · 16/12/2020 12:47

It sounds lovely. Enjoy your relaxed Christmas Day.

thegrassisgreenwhereyouwaterit · 16/12/2020 12:54

Good for you. Enjoy it😀
I’ve never subscribed to the massive stress-fest that Christmas dinner can be. We’ve done exactly the same.

isseys4xmastinselcats · 16/12/2020 12:58

i will do the veg peeling and leave in pans the day before, make the (packet) stuffing the day before put in fridge

, have got a turkey crown , ready made pigs in blankets and microwave red cabbage for OH.

so on the day all i have to do is par boil the spuds and then chuck everything in the oven at the right time, i shove it all out buffet style, while OH slices the meat, prawn cocktail or pate both with brown bread and butter for starters, bought from iceland strawberry gateaux and cream for afters so minimal stress and a very nice dinner

Yeahnahmum · 16/12/2020 13:02

Uh yabu about thinkinf yabu girl
It sounds like a dream and if i had money to spend i would do the exact same thing. Everyone is a winner in your scenario so yes sounds golden to me 😊🎷

trilbydoll · 16/12/2020 13:03

We always get the food from Waitrose. Why stress myself out and produce a meal that doesn't taste as nice? Literally no benefit at all for anyone!

MIL brings a chicken from the butcher which I cook from scratch, ie put in the oven Grin

TheSunIsStillShining · 16/12/2020 13:09

I would die. And I love cooking, so it would be a punishment. No takeaway can be as good as I cook (mostly).
Do I think you should feel guilty: hell no. If you like what I think is "crap" but you enjoy, then why not? xmas is just another day. :)
I used to do the 3-day prep, make everything perfect and usually everything went sideways just enough to stress and be frustrated.
Then one year my dear H was taking the duck out of the oven, dropped it, duck fat went all over the open plan kitchen + parquet living room floor 10 mins before having the big family dinner and then opening presents. Plus a very active 2 year old was scrambling to help....
I gave up at that point. Since then i don't give a f... about tradition, expectations. For me this still means home cooked, but not what is expected, but what we actually love. And I don't plan around the clock. Dinner is not at 4 (my mum's tradition), but when the food is ready.
Even my mum admitted that since then xmas days have been so much better. :)
This whole thing is over hyped....

ShrikeAttack · 16/12/2020 13:11

I voted YABU because you're being unreasonable to feel guilty about it!

I've cooked Christmas dinner every year for more than 20 years, I'm an excellent cook, I don't get stressed and there's never any drama, but this year I thought Fuck It, and as lots of amazing restaurants are doing Christmas dinner delivery, I've ordered ours from L'enclume (which has two Michelin stars).

I'm really looking forward to it, not a shred of guilt here!