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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery teacher swore at children?

66 replies

babom · 15/12/2020 14:14

Maybe more WWYD than AIBU...

DS started nursery in September and has loved going in, teachers seem lovely.

We was playing "school" last night and he got to be the teacher. We gathered all the teddies to be other students.
He was mimicking all the things that I can imagine his teacher does in class and it was brilliant until little teacher then says in a sentence "...fxcking dxckhead childrens..."

I asked what did you say? And asked once more just incase I really did mishear him. I asked where did he hear that from? (Neither me or his dad say f'ing d'head, he doesn't watch YouTube, no other people are around him such as other family we don't live close to them).
He says Mrs XXXXXXX said it, his school teacher. I said really? when did she say that?
He just said yeah and repeated the phrase again.

I'm pretty sure I can tell when DS is lying as he will laugh straight away and then says the truth and it didn't seem so as he had no reaction after saying it was his teacher.
I'm not sure how to address it with teacher without accusing her? Would she be offended? Is it even something I should address? I feel like so but don't know if I'm overreacting... first time mum Hmm
We've had the discussion about not using it again and he nodded. Should it end here really?

OP posts:
mumwon · 15/12/2020 16:59

do any parents help?
Or maybe dc heard a parent saying this (& not necessarily at school but in a shop?)

PicaK · 15/12/2020 17:04

Your kid might not be watching YouTube etc but I bet the others are.... Or the others' older siblings have been teaching them.
I'd tackle it by saying your DS came out with swear words and could thru watch for bad language.
A decent teacher who has slipped up will be mortified. One who isn't and has said that without a care wouldn't care anyway.

Audreyseyebrows · 15/12/2020 17:04

Maybe tell teacher that he has learnt new words but don’t mention the game or that he has said it was her.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 15/12/2020 17:14

I'd also be massively surprised if the nursery teacher actually said this, it's probably something another child said. Perhaps the child even told your child that's what the teacher had said or perhaps DC just got confused.

An0n0n0n · 15/12/2020 17:14

If you dont think she said it or you want to give benefit of doubt, tell her about it directly and see how she acts.

My child has said things that are patently untrue, not always as a lie but mixing things up. Other things she parrots to the letter. It sounds like the latter to me. If I was you and I had any concerns or doubts I would be talking to the manager immediately.

insancerre · 15/12/2020 17:21

I’ve worked in early years for a long time and I have never heard a member of staff swear at children
Everything we say and do is in front of other adults and I can’t imagine any nursery that has a culture of swearing

CaptainCallisto · 15/12/2020 17:24

I'm a TA. Last week the parent of a Y2 child complained that her son was very upset that I'd said his picture was "a load of bollocks". I absolutely hadnt said that (and never would!) and had, in fact, given him a reward stamp for his hard work that lesson. When we spoke to him about it, it turned out to have been said by the boy who sits next to him, but he hadn't wanted to get his mate in trouble.

Whilst it's not impossible for the member of staff at nursery to have said this (there are shocking outliers in any profession) I would put money on it having been another child.

Kaliorphic · 15/12/2020 17:28

A relative of mine works in childcare. She saw some horrendous behaviours from the nursery staff when she was doing her training. Very similar to what you describe OP.

Yes. I've heard some horror stories in my job too (safeguarding)

MadeForThis · 15/12/2020 17:42

You can't be sure exactly what happened so just speak to the manager about what you are sure of - your Ds came home and repeated "fckin dckhed children"

Let them investigate.

Frlrlrubert · 15/12/2020 19:06

My four year old said 'those dogs are fucking loud' the other day, and said she heard it from her nana. I haven't always had the best relationship with my mum, but I've never heard her say fuck in my 36 years. Children often misremember who said what.

mooncakes · 15/12/2020 19:12

More likely said by another child, but I would just speak nicely to the teacher about it - “at home my child was playing schools and he said...”

Original poster
babom · 15/12/2020 19:23

I spoke to said teacher, I just informed her DS has come home with some bad language that he's picked up from nursery, and had she heard any other children speaking like this in class.

She said she didn't hear anything recently and when she does it is a talk with the child and parent and that'll she'll keep an eye and ear out.

Took some advice to not be accusatory but just inform her that DS has repeated the words from WHOMEVER said it because rightly as some PP said, if it wasn't her then another poor child is hearing it from somewhere outside of nursery!

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 15/12/2020 19:28

Did you say what the words were or just say 'bad language' without being specific?

CremeEggThief · 15/12/2020 19:32

I agree with the poster who said it was probably another kid who was playing the teacher, but I hope you feel better for raising it anyway.

I'm a former Early Years supply teacher/practitioner and although I have seen some very bad practice through the years in some schools and nursery settings (one of the many, many, many reasons I gave up on teaching), I have never heard an adult swear at a child in any. About 20 years ago when I was training, a really old school teacher who was close to retirement called a 4 or 5 year old "a little toerag" to their face, and I was shocked by that. But that is honestly the worst I've personally heard.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 15/12/2020 19:36

There is no harm in raising it OP with the safeguarding lead for the nursery. I work in safeguarding and you'd be shocked at what some staff had done.

I do agree with PP that swearing is unlikely as you do become very tuned in to not swearing around children but worse things do happen so I would never assume.

MessAllOver · 15/12/2020 19:52

I just can't imagine any of the staff at DS's nursery swearing at the children. They have so much more patience with DS and the other kids than I would have in their shoes. If you trust the staff (and presumably you do, otherwise you would have picked a different nursery), the natural assumption is that it came from somewhere else.

Original poster
babom · 15/12/2020 20:08

@CustardySergeant

Did you say what the words were or just say 'bad language' without being specific?
It was quite an in-depth conversation with her, I told her the specific bad words and also past terms DS has said since starting nursery, for example asking me is another classmate "fat" or "ugly" and asked me what they meant, that was another thing I had to have a chat with DS about, I didn't raise that because I had seen the parents of the child being called speaking to the teacher already and the bully had had meetings with their parents (that sickens me, BULLY at age 3/4??!) but I included it in our chat today to make it known that it seems to be having a domino effect on all the children within that class. It worries me a lot really, DS has been such a sweet boy all his life me and DH are weighing up the pros and cons of changing schools (it's a nursery within a school) We know we can't ear protect DS all the time, wherever he goes but I don't want my child moulded into a horrible child if he is just by luck around the wrong peers, since evidently, they consume a lot at this age.
OP posts:
Original poster
babom · 15/12/2020 20:11

My reply before this was just a shortened, brief version of the conversation I had with teacher that was relevant to my OP.

OP posts:
Confrontayshunme · 15/12/2020 20:22

I am a reception TA and we had a mum very concerned that her child had heard our teacher f-ing and blinding. He had not. Turns out it was the workmen at the building site next to our playground. Your child may not be intentionally lying, but he is not in full possession of a mature brain so you need to be.

fitzwilliamsquare · 15/12/2020 20:34

''There is absolutely no way this has come from a nursery teacher. It's much more likely to be one of the other children and he's either mis-remembering it or doesn't want to get them in trouble.

Honestly, don't report it. Just move on.''

This. Having worked as a teacher for years you'd be amazed at the amount of times kids say I swore etc when I didn't. It just takes 1 kid to say it and other kids take it as gospel. I'd take any thing kids say with a pinch of salt.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 15/12/2020 20:43

@fitzwilliamsquare

''There is absolutely no way this has come from a nursery teacher. It's much more likely to be one of the other children and he's either mis-remembering it or doesn't want to get them in trouble.

Honestly, don't report it. Just move on.''

This. Having worked as a teacher for years you'd be amazed at the amount of times kids say I swore etc when I didn't. It just takes 1 kid to say it and other kids take it as gospel. I'd take any thing kids say with a pinch of salt.

Sorry I completely disagree. It is hurtful as a teacher if a false allegation is made - I have had to investigate a few in my school - but all of your safeguarding training should have taught you- believe the child. Even when it seems unbelievable. Because you don't want to miss the time when the child is telling the truth about an adult mistreating them, whether it's swearing or something more serious. If it turns out to be nothing then there is no harm as long as you didn't go in all guns blazing and handled it sensitively.
Mollymopple · 15/12/2020 21:57

@VapeVamp12

There is absolutely no way this has come from a nursery teacher.

How can you say that?!

Agree ...as someone who has worked in Nursery for many years. I have NEVER ever come across a colleague swearing. It is something that we are all disciplined with as professionals. Same with any form of name calling. You never name a child, only the behaviour.
Miamarshmallows · 15/12/2020 22:18

I told my niece about this thread. She said she has witnessed the following on her training.

  1. A nursery nurse throwing a plastic bottle at a child's head to wake him up after a nap.
  2. Same nursery nurse constantly saying 'I'm going to knock that child out I swear.' This was said countless times.
  3. Another nursery nurse all sweetness and light with a child's parent but as soon as Mum left she said "Thank god she has gone. This kid is annoying me, get away from me now.'
  4. Leaving a child in the toilet as a 'joke' because said child said she preferred my niece to the other staff (I wonder why!)
  5. A primary school teacher constantly calling her reception aged kids 'Dense' and shouting at them when they got something wrong. Same teacher is now Deputy head. Confused

I'm sorry to say this but it appears that some put on an act for parents but are actually not very nice people at all. Always trust your child and be aware of this. There are many good childcare workers and teachers, but equally, others can be bloody awful and just manage to put on a good show for the parents.

cabbageking · 15/12/2020 22:23

Never seen or heard anything inappropriate. If I had it would have been reported.
But if a parent thinks something inappropriate happened I would always recommend they chase it up.

Original poster
babom · 15/12/2020 23:12

@Miamarshmallows

I told my niece about this thread. She said she has witnessed the following on her training.
  1. A nursery nurse throwing a plastic bottle at a child's head to wake him up after a nap.
  2. Same nursery nurse constantly saying 'I'm going to knock that child out I swear.' This was said countless times.
  3. Another nursery nurse all sweetness and light with a child's parent but as soon as Mum left she said "Thank god she has gone. This kid is annoying me, get away from me now.'
  4. Leaving a child in the toilet as a 'joke' because said child said she preferred my niece to the other staff (I wonder why!)
  5. A primary school teacher constantly calling her reception aged kids 'Dense' and shouting at them when they got something wrong. Same teacher is now Deputy head. Confused

I'm sorry to say this but it appears that some put on an act for parents but are actually not very nice people at all. Always trust your child and be aware of this. There are many good childcare workers and teachers, but equally, others can be bloody awful and just manage to put on a good show for the parents.

This is all so scary to think about. I would definitely ask your niece to report these colleagues.
OP posts:
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