Jealous of a colleague

[Kandymuse70]

I know it's a horrible emotion and irrational, not here for people to have a go.
I work at a school, I was doing the role she now does as a maternity cover, and then a permanent role was advertised.
I applied as an internal candidate, but she was given the job as an external.
It's my own problem, I just feel resent that I was already doing that role myself yet they didn't deem me good enough to do it permanently.
Anyway, I guess I am jealous, I have another role now but on a much lower salary. I always see her walking round in expensive-looking clothes and she seems to have made a lot of friends at the school.
I covered one class of hers and when the kids came in they didn't even say hi or anything, just asking why she's not in and looking annoyed. Ended up telling them to just deal with it as it's just one day and not the end of world.
It's wrong to compare myself and all I can do is better myself. I have taken on a second job which will give me a much more comfortable salary.
I just need to focus on myself, I recognise this is irrational.
She has never been rude to me or anything though once she seemed to give me an order.
Any advice would be appreciated. Have others felt this way ?

Icovered one class of hers and when the kids came in they didn't even say hi or anything, just asking why she's not in and looking annoyed. Ended up telling them to just deal with it as it's just one day and not the end of world

Yup, it’s a bloody mystery why you were overlooked, with all that untapped talent!

It's time to move on and find something else OP.

OP what you're feeling is totally natural. Obviously it's not rational and probably not productive but plenty of other people would feel exactly the same way. It hurts to get a knock back and it's worse when the successful candidate is right there in front of you every day.

The problem with jealousy is it can be quite addictive and you have to force yourself to move past it. When you catch yourself thinking about her immediately think about something else (anything - what you're going to have for dinner, what you want for xmas). YOu will get past it OP. There'll be other opportunities, focus on what you can do to improve your chances in the future.

I also think MN can be very bitchy. As soon as you admit to any negative emotion the vultures circle. You were fine in how you dealt with the kids, yes they've had a hard year but their teacher being off for one lesson isn't the end of the world and you did need to move past it and get on with the lesson.

Did you greet the kids joyfully ? Bit needy of you To need validation from the kids and your response was not nice

Did you ask for feedback on why you didn't get it? , it may have been a tiny thing that tipped the balance like experience of sats or can speck a second language

Learn from her? She is what they wanted so be more like her and either leave or get the next promotion

OP wasn't 'rude' or 'unprofessional' wtf are pp on about? The students were being rude, she pulled them up on it. Normal teacher stuff. What would you have done? Apologised for not being someone else? Gave them all lollipops to soothe their disturbed feelings? Grovelled to them about how much they must be suffering by not having their normal teacher for a day? ffs.

I can see where you are coming from by my own experience. I was an experienced qualified librarian running my own library. The structure of the profession changed in the late 1970s and younger people began to emerge from the "new" universities with a degree in library science. They knew nothing about how to run a library and we had to train them, only to see them promoted over our heads. When I spoke to one of the managers about this, he said "They have a piece of paper you dont have."

I took this remark as a hint that if I did not improve my qualifications I would find myself increasingly disadvantaged in my career. It took a lot of guts but I stepped off the ladder and returned to education in my 40s. I gained a 1st class degree at a RG university, followed by a masters and a doctorate. Needless to say I did not go back into librarianship, which is now a declining profession. I became an academic and had a rewarding career until I retired. Now I run my own business.

What began as a setback took me in another life direction. I would follow the advice of other posters and try to obtain some feedback from the interview to find out where your qualifications and/or experience may have been lacking vis a vis your colleague. You can then use this as a stepping stone to move forward.

I think it's perfectly normal for students to walk in, see not their normal teacher and ask. I certainly did as a child, and I'd probably do the same at work if someone was unexpectedly in-probably along the lines of "oh is X okay, I wasn't expecting you."

If it's a teacher they like and look forward to their lessons then they will be disappointed. That's no reflection on you especially.

Ended up telling them to just deal with it as it's just one day and not the end of world that however does seem an ott reaction.

We all have professional set backs - most people miss out in a promotion at some stage.

I think you are too focused on this lady though. Is it really that much more money that all her clothes would be more expensive?? She has probably always dressed that way.

I said it to reassure them she was coming back tomorrow and that it's no big deal, maybe they thought she wasn't returning. I understand their feeling but one of them said 'for fuck's sake' and as I said they were refusing what I asked them to do, so yes that is rude behaviour.

that however does seem an ott reaction.

It seems pretty calm and measured to me. 'Ended up' suggests that the students were complaining for a while before that. I would have told them to get over it and stop wasting time. They probably don't give a fuck about their normal teacher, just saw it as an excuse to mess about and avoid work, see how much they could push the cover teacher and so on.

Agree it's perfectly normal to ask why she isn't it, not to swear and tut and glare though and refuse to work.

Isnt in*

@Kandymuse70

I said it to reassure them she was coming back tomorrow and that it's no big deal, maybe they thought she wasn't returning. I understand their feeling but one of them said 'for fuck's sake' and as I said they were refusing what I asked them to do, so yes that is rude behaviour.

You shouldn't have to defend yourself on this OP. It was your decision to make. The students were being rude, you dealt with it perfectly well.

People are being ridiculous critisizing you for your reaction to the kids (and I'm a massive soft touch). It wasn't like this was a counselling session it was a one off lesson. You explained why their teacher wasn't there and that she'd be back soon. It was very rude of them to continue moaning about it, they needed to get on with the lesson. What do PP think you were meant to do?!

Oh it doesn't surprise me at all.

Btw it wasn't even a lesson it was form ! I know I said lesson but it was literally a 20-minute form. Not like it was a gcse class and they had their assessment or something.

Did you ask for feedback when you didn't get the job? Sometimes a better candidate doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you but just that another candidate is particularly outstanding. However, in your case, I think there may be things you could improve upon. Be accepting of constructive criticism and see if you can change for future potential roles.

I didn't blame the students. I think you're blowing it out of proportion a bit I told them she's only off one day it's not the end of the world. It's not something to 'deserve' it's my response to a rude attitude from them.
They were disappointed that you would be taking the class and made it obvious. I understand that is upsetting but think about why. Also think about your response. Things like that need to be water off a duck's back until you can work out what to do to improve.

Jealousy doesn't go un-noticed either. It is a form of hatred that will permeate your attitude. It will affect how others view you.

I think some of your disgruntled students have infiltrated this thread, OP.

I get it OP. I'd hate that too.

I'd keep looking for a new role elsewhere. Make a break from it.

I'd feel exactly the same in your position, it will have understandably knocked your confidence and made you more sensitive to what happened when the kids were huffing and puffing about not having their usual teacher.

Did you ever ask why she got the job and not you? As you were covering the job I feel you deserve a good, in-depth and helpful explanation as to why she got the job not you, so that you can understand the reasons behind the decision.

Very tough situation for you OP, it'll be difficult to keep going to that job.

I am sorry you feel like his, but you need to realise these emotions have no benefit and are actually holding you back.
The negativity will seep in all your other relationships too.

I said that to the students because instead of coming into the room and greeting me,

I’m in my early 20s so it hasn’t been that long since I was a school pupil; I don’t think greeting a supply teacher (or the teacher) is the done thing. We would just come into class and talk to our friends until the teacher would settle us down to start. I can’t imagine students walking in and individually saying hello to the teacher. This was normal behaviour from them and it’s likely they do the same with other teachers.

they were sighing and huffing and puffing because it was not their teacher,

I think you’re exaggerating here as I guarantee the majority of pupils didn’t care, you’re just being sensitive and defensive (likely based upon your jealousy towards the teacher). Yes, the one weird lad might have been annoyed but he’s the vocal minority, and he’s probably a nuisance in other classes too.

and also ignoring what I had asked them to do,

(Sorry to all supply teachers out there!) I think this is normal behaviour. It’s pretty much British culture to give a supply teacher a hard time by dossing around. Again, try not to take it personally as it’s not directed at you specifically.

Ah, the fact that you were covering their form tutor makes it worse that you’re annoyed about their “reaction” to you. It’s minor in the grand scheme.

Bollocks to everyone who says it's your chance to develop, mature, grow and you should take constructive criticism blah blah blah. It's frustrating as fuck when you're pipped to the post, especially if you've been doing the bloody job initially. Anyone in this position feels pissed off, and quite rightly so. Why wouldn't you? It's a soul-destroying moment and takes a long time to process.

So yeah, it's entirely human to be feeling how you do, all this patronising "but your attitude towards the children was something they picked up on." WT actual F?

And it's your career, so it's not just business, it's PERSONAL!!! It's a competition, and actually, in the case of most interviews, a personality contest which is even more galling. So yes, it's entirely ok to be feeling jealous/bitter/angry/resentful. Anyone who pretends they wouldn't feel the same in this situation is talking bollocks. Who the hell wants to be trumped by an external candidate when you've been in the post and have put all your effort into making it work????

People on here are so self-righteous. I wonder how they'd feel if the tables were turned and it was their job that went to someone else!

Commiserations

It’s not her fault that you didn’t get the job. The kids like her- again not her fault. She’s been nice to you so I suggest being kind to yourself and sympathise with the sadness and loss you feel, then visualise how happy you will be when you get a more highly paid job, and do your utmost to create a good, positive reputation and experience to make that happen. You would regret being horrible to her, your turn will come.