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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler next door screaming for hours AIBU

45 replies

SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 09:39

Posted in AIBU for traffic. New family moved in next door - parents and a toddler. Toddler cries and screams throughout the day, but worse at night. In the early hours of this morning, the toddler screamed for hours (2-4am). Parents didn’t seem to soothe the child as he never quietened. We have only seen the dad and child once or twice in the few weeks they’ve been here. They’re foreign so not sure how good their English is.

What would you do if this was a daily issue for you?

OP posts:
SockDrawer · 15/12/2020 09:47

Our neighbours were a bit like this. The child was really unsettled by the move and the parents stresses and screamed so much. Eventually everything calmed down. It took a loooonnnnggg time though!

pudcat · 15/12/2020 09:50

go round with a cake or bottle of wine to welcome them and ask if they need anything?

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/12/2020 09:52

Give it time.

Amber2019 · 15/12/2020 10:03

Give it time to settle. This could be my son, he is autistic though so could be different. Mine screams all day long and all night, im surprised my neighbours haven't called the police but the know our situation and they know nothing settles him until he is ready too.
Not saying every kid who screams has a medical issue though. Maybe ask the parents if everything is OK? If it was me I would tell you its just how he is, we are recieveing support for him but its just part of his development. Believe me, i struggle with the screaming too.

Meepmeeep · 15/12/2020 10:25

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Heartofstrings · 15/12/2020 10:28

My child is nearly 4 and can scream for hours. 3 hours overnight the other week and he was unable to be comforted

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 15/12/2020 10:30

One of my cousins screamed all night, every night for > 2 years. It was a living hell for his parents and their neighbours.

It wasn't for lack of effort in attempting to soothe him or failing to engage in any service that could possibly help.

immortalstone · 15/12/2020 10:32

That sounds pretty shit for everyone.

Unless they are actively abusing or neglecting their child, there may be little they can do about it. Our neighbours complained about out teething baby - not sure what they expected us to do about it.

Audiologists can make ear plugs to a mould of your ears and so are good at blocking out noise. Bit pricey. I am getting some in New Year and they cost £90.

GrumpyHoonMain · 15/12/2020 10:33

It’s not the crying but the fact that you’ve only seen the toddler a couple of times in the past few weeks that’s worrying. In this situation if you’re worried and have a gut feeling the best thing you can do for that child is call social services.

triceratops12 · 15/12/2020 10:41

The child sounds unsettled. Sometimes at night my son has night terrors and it doesn't matter how much I cuddle, shhh, rock he will sob and sob.

MrsDeadlock · 15/12/2020 10:47

@GrumpyHoonMain

It’s not the crying but the fact that you’ve only seen the toddler a couple of times in the past few weeks that’s worrying. In this situation if you’re worried and have a gut feeling the best thing you can do for that child is call social services.
Really? Social services??

We had this exact same scenario on our house. New foreign neighbours moved in with very young children. They were up all hours and SO LOUD.

It took them a good few weeks to settle, but they have. They've only really started venturing out recently, they are new to the area and it takes time.

I've a 2 year old that can scream for hours if startled awake. Nothing I do can soothe him. It may sound like they are not being contorted, but they absolutely are.

Give it time

Icytundra · 15/12/2020 10:56

Unless you're constantly staring out of the window surely it's quite easy to miss a toddler going for a walk or jumping in the car.
My neighbour's children are 5 and 7 and I often don't see them for a week or so if we're all busy.

ZoeTurtle · 15/12/2020 10:59

@Meepmeeep

Course they’re forrin. Never British families is it in these sorts of posts.
Of course. Those foreigners don't care about their children or hard-working, tax-paying Brits.

I'd report them to immigraton OP. They're probably illegals.

EmbarrassingMama · 15/12/2020 11:00

How do you know the child wasn't being comforted? What a ludicrous accusation! The sound of a parent comforting a child is generally: soothing voices, cuddles, hushed tones.

What did you want to hear? The foreigners yelling back through the walls? "CALM DOWN CHILD!", "YOU ARE BEING SO NOISY!", "I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF SCREAM OVER THE SOUND OF YOUR SCREAMING!".

Original poster
SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 11:00

@Meepmeeep

Course they’re forrin. Never British families is it in these sorts of posts.
I’m mixed race. I speak 2 languages. I’m not against foreigners eye roll just mentioned it as I’m not sure about going round. I haven’t seen them much. I don’t know whether it’s intrusive to just go round, don’t want to disturb them.
OP posts:
Original poster
SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 11:02

@GrumpyHoonMain

It’s not the crying but the fact that you’ve only seen the toddler a couple of times in the past few weeks that’s worrying. In this situation if you’re worried and have a gut feeling the best thing you can do for that child is call social services.
I don’t want to get SS involved. Maybe they just don’t go out much?
OP posts:
LastTangoInBodmin · 15/12/2020 11:04

Just because you can't hear them, doesn't mean they aren't involved. My DS went through a stage of screaming for hours at bedtime recently, the neighbours probably thought we were ignoring him but one of us was always there, going in every 2 minutes to try and quietly calm and settle him. Would you rather they were shouting at the child? It will settle.

EmbarrassingMama · 15/12/2020 11:04

Yup, maybe. Or maybe they have been told to isolate by track and trace, or maybe they have Covid, or maybe they are shielding.

There are plenty of pretty good reasons to not go out much at the moment. Bit much to judge a family on that basis.

Original poster
SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 11:06

@Amber2019

Give it time to settle. This could be my son, he is autistic though so could be different. Mine screams all day long and all night, im surprised my neighbours haven't called the police but the know our situation and they know nothing settles him until he is ready too. Not saying every kid who screams has a medical issue though. Maybe ask the parents if everything is OK? If it was me I would tell you its just how he is, we are recieveing support for him but its just part of his development. Believe me, i struggle with the screaming too.
Thank you for your perspective. Hopefully the child settles and improves soon (and yours too - sounds tough). I would go round, but some people are wary of others at the moment with what’s going on. I work with children and adults so I’m not scared of being near people, but not everyone is like that.
OP posts:
kirinm · 15/12/2020 11:09

@GrumpyHoonMain

It’s not the crying but the fact that you’ve only seen the toddler a couple of times in the past few weeks that’s worrying. In this situation if you’re worried and have a gut feeling the best thing you can do for that child is call social services.
I've not seen my neighbours for about 3 months but I know they're there. We just don't happen to leave the house at the same time.
ChristmasUserName2020 · 15/12/2020 11:10

We’ve had this since we moved in to our house in August 2018. Baby was about 4 months old then. Just started to quiet down around Feb 2020. Then new baby was born in May 2020 and we have double screaming. Yay. Not yay 🤔🤔 Moving ASAP 😂😂

Original poster
SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 11:13

@ChristmasUserName2020

We’ve had this since we moved in to our house in August 2018. Baby was about 4 months old then. Just started to quiet down around Feb 2020. Then new baby was born in May 2020 and we have double screaming. Yay. Not yay 🤔🤔 Moving ASAP 😂😂
Oh gosh no! Any recommendations on earplugs/strong coffee?😂
OP posts:
MessAllOver · 15/12/2020 11:25

Your post has renewed my guilty feelings towards our neighbour (semi-detached house). He is a quiet, single man and all we hear is the occasional door shutting or bath running to remind us of his existence. He hears all our noise at all hours of the day - DH (who is not quiet and has the heaviest tread ever) getting in at midnight from work and falling asleep in front of the TV with the volume up high, DS up at 5.30am crying that he wants his breakfast, me shouting at DS because he won't get dressed....I even bought a toy drum kit for DS in the last lockdown which is still very popular and used daily.

The only thing I can really say in our defence is that I gave him our number when we moved in and told him to message me at any time if the noise got too much and I would sort it out.

Wtfdidwedo · 15/12/2020 11:29

My two year old is currently doing this, she turns into someone possessed every night at about 7pm and is fairly continuous until around 9.30pm. My 4 year old then takes over with night terrors. I have apologised to my neighbours multiple times but they say they don't mind, they're often out anyway as they do night shifts luckily! I am really struggling with this stage of my life to be honest (some nights I do think if social services came around to take them off me on the report of a neighbour I would probably take them up on it!!)

ElizaLaLa · 15/12/2020 11:51

Some of you need to soundproof your houses. It isn't ok to inflict this on other people.