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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toddler next door screaming for hours AIBU

45 replies

SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 09:39

Posted in AIBU for traffic. New family moved in next door - parents and a toddler. Toddler cries and screams throughout the day, but worse at night. In the early hours of this morning, the toddler screamed for hours (2-4am). Parents didn’t seem to soothe the child as he never quietened. We have only seen the dad and child once or twice in the few weeks they’ve been here. They’re foreign so not sure how good their English is.

What would you do if this was a daily issue for you?

OP posts:

ElizaLaLa · 15/12/2020 11:55

@MessAllOver I assume you are taking the piss?

If not on here, you certainly are towards your neighbour.

Why do you think all that is ok??

Mischance · 15/12/2020 11:58

Go round and say hello and offer to babysit sometime so they can get a break.

SockDrawer · 15/12/2020 12:15

‘Offer to babysit’ is such a Mumsnet response. It’s a lovely idea @Mischance but
a) how does it help the OP with the noise?
& b) they don’t even know each other. Would you let a stranger look after your baby?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/12/2020 12:21

Make friendly overtures first
You catch more flies with honey ! Take chocolates and smile and Susa them put
As PP said it
Could be something benign
But their reaction will tell you

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/12/2020 12:22

Suss them out

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 15/12/2020 12:25

My neighbours have a toddler who does this. From a chat with the mum i got the message that he's autistic.

I'd love to babysit to give them a break but tbh I hardly know them and I wouldn't expect them to trust me. I'm just some random woman who happens to live next door.

IRememberMySpaceBabe · 15/12/2020 12:27

It’s hard isn’t it, DH and I had this in a terrace we used to live in before we had our own DC. Toddler next door would cry and bang on the wall from 4-6am, it was exhausting. We moved in the end, not the only reason but it was a factor.

We now have a 3 year old who can be a bit lairy at bed time (not crying, she’s just going through a ‘I hate bedtime’ phase) but so can next door’s 2 year old so we sort of cancel each other out!

CoffeeDay · 15/12/2020 12:44

Difficult! I though the same about our upstairs neighbour 5 years ago who had a child that would scream for hours. Now I have a toddler myself (exactly 2) who probably enjoys the most idyllic childhood possible, but can still fucking scream like a banshee. She's NT as far as we can tell because she will stop instantly as soon as she gets what she wants (Peppa Pig, no more bedtime, new toy etc). But sometimes it's just not reasonable to give in and she will carry on like a possessed demon. There's a parenting style that asks you to sit with the toddler and acknowledge their feelings, hugging or talking gently etc until they calm down but without giving in to their demands. We try to do this and obviously from the outside there's no way anyone would know there's a parent present since it's all drowned out in screaming.

Monkeymilkshake · 15/12/2020 12:51

My toddler screams alot - day and night. Gets angry very quickly during the day (for very minor things like i gave her the "wrong" cup!!) And has night terrors.
Next door came to see me once and asked of i was alright and if i needed any help (she use to work in a preschool and has 3 kids herself). Didnt solve the screaming but made me feel tons better.
Maybe just go round to say hi/ with mince pies!?
It's annoying for you but must be hard for them too.

Yeahnahmum · 15/12/2020 12:56

Just tell them you hear the baby scream all the time. And ask if you can help? That way you A show you are nice and B they know you can hear their kid...

God i cant think of anything worse
Maybe kid is just upset from the move...
Buy some earplugs or earphones for now

MessAllOver · 15/12/2020 13:14

@MessAllOver I assume you are taking the piss?

If not on here, you certainly are towards your neighbour.

Why do you think all that is ok??

We are on very good terms with our neighbour - all our neighbours actually, there are only eight houses in our little close so everyone knows each other. We meet him a few times a week walking his two dogs on the way back from the playground, and every time I apologise for our family noise and every time he swears that he can't hear anything (must be lying, though ). Toddler is attended to immediately (we don't allow shrieking and his tantrums are usually short-lived) and husband is told off for having the TV on too loud. I do try to keep everyone quiet and, should our neighbour finally admit he can hear us and we're bothering him, I would redouble my efforts and confiscate the drum kit. At the moment, all he'll say is "it doesn't bother me" and "kids will be kids", which sort of undermines my efforts with DH.

ElizaLaLa · 15/12/2020 13:19

Deliberately making all that noise is still not acceptable. Did any of your neighbours start wfh? When you gave your kid a drum kit? Who does that when everyone is stuck at home???

ElizaLaLa · 15/12/2020 13:20

You will be bothering him. He just has better manners and consideration than you though, so won't say so.

Barmyfarmy · 15/12/2020 13:23

@MessAllOver Your neighbour is definitely being too polite, and your knob of a husband is surely old enough to know the TV is on too loud? What a selfish household. Children make enough noise as it is, you don't give them drumkits! I suggest you tell your husband to grow up, and take the drum kit to a charity shop.

MessAllOver · 15/12/2020 13:31

@ElizaLaLa. We don't "deliberately" make noise, in the sense of "consciously and intentionally" and "on purpose". It's a by-product of our family life. DS was given a drum kit because he likes drumming - not to deliberately wind up our neighbour. It's just a mini toddler one, not a full-size double bass drum kit .

Our neighbour is out quite a lot, but I texted him to apologise for the drum kit (which he found quite funny!). His actual response was, "No worries. Let "DS" go wild. Just so long as you're not planning any raves...we don't want the police round here, do we?" Had he responded, "Oh no, I'm suffering from really bad headaches at the moment and doing lots of work calls at home so I could really use some peace and quiet", my response would have been different.

Sometimes you just need to talk to people.

Redredwine2020 · 15/12/2020 13:32

My oldest has a tendency for night terrors. Its like she is possessed and nothing works. I filmed one once before I knew what they are as it is genuinely scary to witness. Being unsettled tends to trigger her (as well as illness and cheese)

Original poster

SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 14:13

@Redredwine2020

I had night terrors aged 3-11. Not every night though. You’re right. It was like I was possessed.

OP posts:

Original poster

SleepyGirly · 15/12/2020 14:17

@Mischance

Go round and say hello and offer to babysit sometime so they can get a break.

I work with children, but I’m still a stranger. They’ll probably not want a stranger helping them. Hopefully the child will settle when he gets used to his new house.

OP posts:

caringcarer · 15/12/2020 14:20

Constant toddler sreaming would drive me mad. I psrticularly hate it when in a supermarket. You have my sympathies. When my dd was small and cried a lot DH put her in the car and drove her about until she fell asleep. Then we brought car seat in and left her half an hour until she was in a deep sleep before we put her into cot. There is usually something parents can do and it often involves taking child out to give neighbourd some piece if during day.

immortalstone · 15/12/2020 14:26

Some of you need to soundproof your houses. It isn't ok to inflict this on other people

The problem is often with crap building design. Its pretty near impossible to soundproof a house once it is built.

PP said she can hear her neighbour running a bath and closing doors.
I can hear my neighbour snore. That is a problem with shit building design. Houses should be built so that normal family/household noise is not intruding on other people.

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