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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to continue my tradition of a Christmas Eve Box?

81 replies

Isitbedtimeyet01 · 15/12/2020 00:20

I know Christmas Eve Box's are a contentious issue on mumsnet but I'm hoping for unbiased opinions anyway.

When I was growing we always got new pjs for Christmas and had a film night before bed. When I had my dd 15 years ago I copied this except I put it in a box. This was before I found mumsnet and realised Christmas Eve Boxs were a thing.

Every year since she was 2 she has had the following:
New pjs
Dressing gown
Slippers
A Christmas dvd
Bath bomb or body wash
Something to drink ie hot chocolate
Something to eat ie a pack of sweets.

All stuff I would buy anyway but In a box and it was a vital part of Christmas eve to help wind her down before bed. When she was younger and was asked what she got for Christmas she would recite the contents of the box. She still she loves this tradition and in recent years has used her own pocket money to make me a Christmas eve box.

DH and I have been together for 8 years and living together for 6 and he doesn't get it and wants us to stop as "its a waste of money". Dd has autism and has said she would rather have no presents chrismas day and keep the Christmas eve box.

AIBU to ignore DH and continue the tradition?

OP posts:

SuperrHann · 15/12/2020 08:50

I'm genuinely shocked at the amount of people who say new PJs are not required every year.

While I agree a dressing gown does tend to last longer, I spend about half of my life in pyjamas (from about 9pm to 8am every day, and some days longer). There are no other clothes that I wear that often, as I have a selection of outfits to wear. They do tend to start to wear out by Christmas and I'm usually in need of a new set by then.

Slippers too get worn out, and while they might last a couple of years, I do have a few pairs of slippers so there are some wherever I am (!) but again by Christmas time the oldest pair does tend to look like it's due for replacement.

And I say this as someone who generally doesn't buy clothes to avoid waste, I probably buy a few key bits every other year so it's not like I am constantly buying clothes and PJs are part of that.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 15/12/2020 08:50

DH and I have been together for 8 years and living together for 6 and he doesn't get it and wants us to stop as "its a waste of money".

What a miserable man. Tell him there’s nothing to ‘get’. Your daughter enjoys it, you’re happy to do it. That’s it.

wildraisins · 15/12/2020 08:50

That sounds like a lovely tradition!

It's a shame that your partner doesn't understand it, but even so it's not kind of him to be so scathing and ask you to stop. It's something that brings you and your daughter closer together - have you asked him why he wants to intefere with that?

I am surprised he would be complaining about the money if he really understood the meaning of it and what it does for your relationship with your daughter. All families have Christmas traditions and just because this one isn't actually on Christmas day doesn't make it any less important.

The autism also adds to the equation because I can imagine your daughter would be very upset if she had to stop - it has become a routine.

ravensoaponarope · 15/12/2020 09:01

Life is hard enough when you're autistic without taking away such a lovely, comforting routine and tradition. Sounds like your DH has trouble with empathy.

Simplyunacceptable · 15/12/2020 09:01

He’s a total Scrooge, of course you should continue!

FortunesFave · 15/12/2020 09:02

Super me too! My children grow out of or rip or stain their pjs all the time!

thecatsthecats · 15/12/2020 09:03

New clothes at Christmas, Easter and on May Day aren't new consumerism, they're linked to very old customs.

In Iceland, if you don't have new, warm clothing for Christmas the Yule Cat eats you: www.iizcat.com/post/4373/The-Christmas-Cat-of-Iceland-a-giant-terrifying-cat-that-gobbles-up-children-if-they-039-re-bad

We never had a Christmas Eve box, but we had a very clear set of Christmas Eve traditions including new pyjamas (not Christmas ones, but new winter pyjamas), the same book and film every year etc

Can't see the fuss about said items going in a box.

ravensoaponarope · 15/12/2020 09:05

@Flvq

New pjs aren’t.

Slippers - well as I said my dd has a pair that are still in really good nick. She got another pair a year or two ago that are barely worn.

But no one once they’ve stopped growing needs a new dressing gown every single year do they? Mine is years old and I wear it every day. And it cost about £40:at the time it was bought. That’s a lot for a Christmas Eve box. In my opinion. And it’s wasteful to have multiple dressing gowns. You only need one. Or maybe 2 at a push. It’s just wasteful.

But if your dressing gown cost that much years ago, then it is much easier for it to last years. I have an old one of my mother's and one from a charity shop. Cheaper ones wouldnt last so long.

Flvq · 15/12/2020 09:10

I just think a new dressing gown unless your current one is worn out is wasteful and if the tradition doesn’t stop now the dd is going to end up with hordes of dressing gowns.

The pjs and wee small treats I would keep though.

angieloumc · 15/12/2020 09:11

I used to do Christmas Eve 'boxes' for my DD, but ages now 16 so for the last two years I've done a December 1st box so she gets use our of everything.

Scottishskifun · 15/12/2020 09:15

I don't get them and won't be doing them with my son but in your case especially as it's so important to your daughter and it gives you the rare family chilled evening I would carry on with them.

I could understand his viewpoint more if your daughter wasn't SN and it wasn't as important to her. 99% of teenagers would not give up Christmas presents for a Christmas eve box!

Divebar · 15/12/2020 09:23

I do think it’s a ridiculous trend to give presents the day before Christmas. (Particularly if the PJs etc are Christmas themed.) What are you doing with last years? I have a feeling there’s a lot of stuff going to landfill as a result of these kinds of trends. You can make the evening special without introducing more consumables into the mix. However although I think it seems pretty unnecessary it is a tradition you’ve introduced and should you stop because someone else disagrees with it?

trixiebelden77 · 15/12/2020 09:31

Goodness I can’t imagine calling someone else’s family traditions ‘trashy’. Were you really raised thinking that was ok, elves?

Don’t really understand the criticism of the contents either, it’s not set out by law, presumably everyone who does these does them differently and if hot chocolate isn’t considered a sugary treat for some reason, then they replace it with something that is. If new pyjamas aren’t needed, presumably something else is given.

Lilac95 · 15/12/2020 09:42

Why is everyone saying you won’t need need pjs and slippers as an adult every year? My pjs end up being replaced every year, by the time October comes around I’m desperate for new ones and slippers. They get so flat! I can understand dressing gowns lasting longer, mines 3 years old and needing a replacement now. But then I change into my pjs as soon as I’m done for the day and not planning to go back out. And new pjs for Christmas Eve is a tradition in my house too! Not necessarily Christmas themed but ones that’ll last all year. I day continue your box and tell your DP to get stuffed

D4rwin · 15/12/2020 09:45

Im anti christmas. But i cant see how new pjs for the year, a family film night with snacks or a pamper evening with or for a teen are a waste of money? These can be shared activities, it's a non school night so a bit of relaxing seems a good idea!

Dongdingdong · 15/12/2020 09:47

YANBU as each to their own, but personally I really dislike this tradition. It would dilute the anticipation and excitement of opening presents on Christmas Day for me.

HMSBeagle · 15/12/2020 09:49

Ignore him and carry on. It's not going to be a life altering cost and presumably dd needs Pjs most years anyway?

I bet if you said a box of beer at Christmas is a unessasary expenses he would think you was being tight

Zilla1 · 15/12/2020 09:52

Carry on for all the reasons you say, OP.

If you were to list all the annual spend by your judgement of how much of a waste of money it is, what does your DP enjoy that would feature on the list? How could something your DD loves that happens once a year be a waste?

Good luck.

Crustmasiscoming · 15/12/2020 09:53

I would love to meet the posters whose primary aged children have managed to keep a set of PJs in good nick for a full year. Surely they have outgrown them anyway, even if they are in good condition?

I can make my own PJs last years but I'm in my 30s so it's not really the same as OP's young child.

Flvq · 15/12/2020 10:05

@Crustmasiscoming

I would love to meet the posters whose primary aged children have managed to keep a set of PJs in good nick for a full year. Surely they have outgrown them anyway, even if they are in good condition?

I can make my own PJs last years but I'm in my 30s so it's not really the same as OP's young child.

Except it’s not a primary aged child.

raspberryk · 15/12/2020 10:11

I’m really surprised the op being berated for buying yearly pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers for a daughter that’s probably not stopped growing yet, or if she has only just and she will probably fill out a bit too

Also as an adult my slippers are worn out well before the year is out, as are dressing gowns after 2.

I also fail to see how a new set of pyjamas yearly is excessive, if you only have 2 sets are wear them regularly you’d certainly need a new pair yearly if not before.

thecatsthecats · 15/12/2020 10:13

@Divebar

Try telling that to the Royal Family.

We always opened presents and stockings when we got home from midnight Mass in my family.

It was a genius move on behalf of my parents, as we were knackered in the morning so slept in, then prolonged that by already being in our bedrooms with our new toys, so everyone got a decent lie in.

MrDarcyismines · 15/12/2020 10:20

I would continue your lovely tradition with your daughter. ❤

AlexaPlayWhiteNoise · 15/12/2020 14:23

My DH "doesn't get" Christmas eve boxes, I do one for our DS1, I LOVE it. We always had PJs and a book and sweets on Christmas Eve. We used to go collect then from my Grandma's house after the crib service. She insisted on buying them for us up till her last Christmas, so our Christmas eve box tradition comes from her.

He sees how it makes me happy (and our DS) and puts up with it, just like I put up with his exercise bike living in the kitchen. It's a compromise for the people you love!

Keep doing your Christmas eve box, he's being grinchy.

Original poster

Isitbedtimeyet01 · 15/12/2020 18:54

Thanks everyone for the responses, I didn't expect so many so I can't reply to all individually.

I agree with many that a new dressing gown every year would be wasteful if not needed, I should have said if she doesn't need one one year she gets a onesie instead of the Pj's and dressing gown.

We must be hard wearing on slippers as definitely needed every year, the old ones tend to be falling apart come Christmas eve.

We don't get designer, primark specials all the way! I would guess all in all less than £20 for the entire contents?!

For the poster suggesting grinch items for DH we did that last year and he found the humour in it

He has read the comments and has said he will admit defeat, he was sure you would all agree with him.

OP posts:

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