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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to continue my tradition of a Christmas Eve Box?

81 replies

Isitbedtimeyet01 · 15/12/2020 00:20

I know Christmas Eve Box's are a contentious issue on mumsnet but I'm hoping for unbiased opinions anyway.

When I was growing we always got new pjs for Christmas and had a film night before bed. When I had my dd 15 years ago I copied this except I put it in a box. This was before I found mumsnet and realised Christmas Eve Boxs were a thing.

Every year since she was 2 she has had the following:
New pjs
Dressing gown
Slippers
A Christmas dvd
Bath bomb or body wash
Something to drink ie hot chocolate
Something to eat ie a pack of sweets.

All stuff I would buy anyway but In a box and it was a vital part of Christmas eve to help wind her down before bed. When she was younger and was asked what she got for Christmas she would recite the contents of the box. She still she loves this tradition and in recent years has used her own pocket money to make me a Christmas eve box.

DH and I have been together for 8 years and living together for 6 and he doesn't get it and wants us to stop as "its a waste of money". Dd has autism and has said she would rather have no presents chrismas day and keep the Christmas eve box.

AIBU to ignore DH and continue the tradition?

OP posts:

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 15/12/2020 08:00

It is fuck all to do with him.

It is DDs thing, if she and you want to continue till she's 45, crack on and tell him to get to fuck.

BiddyPop · 15/12/2020 08:04

My dd is about to turn 15 and also on asd spectrum. So the box is an important signaller and part of her expected routine - she has always known it came from me and she even bought the pjs for dh from her communion money 1 year.

Even though she is in the throes of teenage hormonal strops mixed with the asd (and adhd!) issues, she also still wants it.

Remind dh that part of dx is the need for routine and structure, and it sounds like everything in yours is things you would get anyway over winter so it's not a waste of money, just all bought for a single occasion so more "visible".

Even more important to keep it if it means so much to dd that she now makes 1 for you - lucky you!

BendingSpoons · 15/12/2020 08:05

I would carry on the tradition but would think about substituting something for the dressing gown going forward, as she presumably isn't growing out it any more. One year could be a blanket, maybe a cosy jumper, at a stretch a lamp etc.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/12/2020 08:07

Dressing gowns could last a few years, but slippers? Or are my relatives particularly hard on slippers? Usually after a year the soles are wearing through, or seam has gone, or in the case of my brother, a whole in the toe.

Flvq · 15/12/2020 08:09

My Dd Is using Disney beauty and the beast slippers she got years ago. They get bunged in the machine every so often. And her dressing gown is 3 maybe 4 years old.

I’m just saying I can kind of see his point in some of it if her current items are still in good condition.

Sally872 · 15/12/2020 08:10

He doesn't have to understand it. Just accept that you like doing it. Dd likes receiving it.

Also jammies, slippers and dressing gown are purchases i would generally make at some point in winter for the kids just time it for Christmas eve I can't understand why that is wasteful.

BiddyPop · 15/12/2020 08:11

Actually the point about dressing gown every year may be valid - we had slippers or fluffy socks a few years, a fleecy blanket from primark another year (fluffy, cosy, very sensory to hide under....you probably understand we have many blankets around the house!), a hot water bottle in a snowman cover another year that gets used all winter, that kind of thing.

But you don't have to add those, I'm just giving ideas of things we've done that worked.

Oly4 · 15/12/2020 08:14

Continue for your daughter who loves this.
We don’t do this as I also think it’s a waste of money and all our excitement is Christmas Day, but I wouldn’t dream of telling you to stop

AlexaShutUp · 15/12/2020 08:14

Of course you should carry on if it's special for you and your dd. Your dh doesn't get to dictate what you do.

I do think a new dressing gown and new slippers each year seems somewhat excessive, but ultimately, it's your decision as to how tut spend your money. Please just think about ways of mitigating the environmental impact if you can.

waydownwego · 15/12/2020 08:15

It sounds like a tradition that the two of you created before he came along, and that the two of you enjoy? In which case, he doesn't get to tell you to stop doing it. You need your own traditions and rituals as a mother and daughter, as well as a family of three. As long as you can afford to keep it up, there's no reason to stop.

Zoecarter · 15/12/2020 08:16

@Elvesaremagic when was the last time you got new nightwear. I think I would feel a bit slobby not replaceing my nightwear when it got worn and tiers.

Wishing14 · 15/12/2020 08:18

Of course you should do it! Get your DH some grinch pjs. You can wrap them up (with newspaper) every Xmas Eve, along with a nice glass of tap water and leftover dinner from the night before. He’ll love it.

houseinthesnow · 15/12/2020 08:20

My dd is the same age, we are still doing it of course!

Ours is ready:

Fluffy warm PJs personalised
Funny fluffy socks
Bath bomb from lush
Hot chocolate lollies that you dip in and they melt
Chocolate for the christmas film
Reindeer food because it is a tradition, and the dog eats it!
Bobble hats because it is freezing and they need new ones
New jumper for Christmas eve outside drinks

I will carry on until they leave home! It is christmas!

Dizzy1234 · 15/12/2020 08:23

I still continue our Xmas traditions for my DD and she's in her 30's and owns her own home, I just drop the stuff at hers now, also continue valentines day traditions, it's a family joke now but we enjoy it.
Your oh is a grump, ignore him 💐

houseinthesnow · 15/12/2020 08:26

Oh and we always buy them a beautiful decoration for their bedroom trees each year.
I have found a small independent that flies in German decorations that are handmade and just magical, or we buy them from a special day out or trip that we have enjoyed. Over the years they have built up a whole collection of their own childhood decorations. This is perhaps one of the best things we have ever done, because they love looking at them every year, and remembering different christmases and parts of their childhood.

Eventually when they fly the nest, they will decorate their trees with their own children with decorations that will have a great deal of meaning to them. Many were from when they were very very small.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 15/12/2020 08:27

Crack on with what you normally do it’s really not any of his business and has no effect on him at all. My son has ASD and revels in stuff like this I guess because it’s a routine and he loves those.

SmilingAloe · 15/12/2020 08:30

Of course you must keep doing it. My boys (9 and 11) don’t get boxes but they get a new pair of pj’s and a new book every Christmas Eve and I have no intention of stopping this tradition any time soon.

Flvq · 15/12/2020 08:31

Well, it is his business if they are married and sharing money.

I personally think a dressing gown and slippers every year is unnecessary and a waste.

But I also understand that the op’s DD has ASD and wants the routine.

Hence the suggestion of compromise. It’s also a good way to gently guide the youngster to realise that change has to happen sometimes.

Crustmasiscoming · 15/12/2020 08:32

If your DD loves it so much and you are happy for her to have it then how is it a waste of money? Unless you're buying her designer dressing gowns I can't imagine it's breaking the bank, and surely if it actually is breaking the bank you'd be looking for ways to do it more cheaply. Sounds thoroughly miserable of your partner to suggest that this life long and much loved Christmas tradition is a waste of money.

Perhaps your partner needs a Christmas Eve box of his own complete with a bit of generosity and joy.

treeeeemendous · 15/12/2020 08:35

I don't understand how people can say that new pjs or slippers are wasteful. I get my dc new pjs every Xmas eve (not Christmassy ones tho) and they get another pair in their stocking. But then I don't tend to buy them at any other time of the year.

I ask the kids to get me a new pair of slippers every year, I wear them every day by Xmas they are pretty grotty.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/12/2020 08:39

He needs to give his head a wobble. Like fuck would any partner get in the way of traditions I've created with my DC.

One of the (rare) pleasures and privileges of parenting a child with autism is that they love traditions. It makes them feel safe and it makes life feel predictable. This can be the worst pain in the arse when it comes to, I dunno, every other single thing in the world like eating a new food, wearing a new top, going to a new school, visiting a new place, or fitting a new carpet... Enjoying a handful of gifts on Christmas Eve is a lovely thing.

It doesn't matter what the MN masses think of Christmas Eve boxes in general - this particular Christmas Eve box is very important to a young woman who has a hard life and a loving mum who supports her. Do the box. Stick some Baileys in for yourself too and Merry Christmas.

Flvq · 15/12/2020 08:40

New pjs aren’t.

Slippers - well as I said my dd has a pair that are still in really good nick. She got another pair a year or two ago that are barely worn.

But no one once they’ve stopped growing needs a new dressing gown every single year do they? Mine is years old and I wear it every day. And it cost about £40:at the time it was bought. That’s a lot for a Christmas Eve box. In my opinion. And it’s wasteful to have multiple dressing gowns. You only need one. Or maybe 2 at a push. It’s just wasteful.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/12/2020 08:41

@Flvq

Well, it is his business if they are married and sharing money.

I personally think a dressing gown and slippers every year is unnecessary and a waste.

But I also understand that the op’s DD has ASD and wants the routine.

Hence the suggestion of compromise. It’s also a good way to gently guide the youngster to realise that change has to happen sometimes.

But change happens almost every day of her life @Flvq and that change is often traumatic and difficult and also usually necessary. It's not necessary to change this so why would you?

BumDiggyDiggyDiggyBumDiggyBum · 15/12/2020 08:41

@houseinthesnow no need to make me cry at the school gates.

How lovely ❤️

Flvq · 15/12/2020 08:43

I’d talk to my DH and try to compromise.

I’d take his views on board and consider how we shared money and whether he might have a point.

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