How do I choose between which child I spend Xmas with 😭

[Whattheactual20201]

Back story

• I have a DS who is 13 and DD7 with ex partner. ( not able to have them )

I have a baby in nicu currently who is doing really well and might be home in time for Xmas.

DD7 has Complex health needs including heart transplant patient.
She has been admitted over night with a blood stream infection, and now requires 2 weeks of IV antibiotics and will not be home for Xmas ( she is stable )

Now visiting rules are that 1 parent can visit / stay. No siblings or other family.

Now obviously I am going to spend Xmas with DD and newborn won’t know any different but I feel awful on DS who will now just be spending Xmas at home with my now partner ( not his dad ) and new little sister ( is she gets home )

I’m heart broken.

I agree drspouse.

Also, in terms of OP's mental load, she needs to know that other family have ds's and the baby's needs sorted and aren't going to keep needing to ask OP where things are etc.

Christmas is just a day. One single day. You're being too hard on yourself and I think not giving your DS enough credit. He is 13. Talk to him.

I think (if he's anything like my DS) I would get him a new game for his console/iPad. Give DD stocking and gift in hospital and stay with her. Let DS watch tv, gaming, whatever with your DP. Celebrate "baby's first Christmas" together a couple of days after you are all home from hospital.

That is a lot on your plate. I hoow the baby gets well soon :(

*hope

I would suggest that if you decide to ask your parents/siblings to have DS for a bit then as he is just one child to not worry about the 3 household bit as there are separate rules already about childcare bubbles

What would be easiest for you, OP? Because right now, you sound in a panic and are the most stressed by all of this and you also need to look to make things easier on yourself. I hope your DC recover quickly. Had a couple of thoughts...

Can the NICU discharge your baby to the children's ward whilst your DD is there? (Well being of baby, needs to be with mum) Then she can be with you and wouldn't count as a visitor? DP would then be allowed to come and visit as baby's parent. Do newborns definitely count as a visitor?

I think this would count as emergency childcare and you don't have to follow the 3 household rule, so DS could visit grandparents? Two DC in hospital sounds emergency enough to me.