Christmas 2020 was planned, or so I thought. My parents are coming to stay with me, DH and our two DC (3 and 5). My brother is also coming up. They all live in a Tier 3 area and so do we, so there is risk but it's risk we are willing to take (we live several hours apart).
Today, DM messages our family WhatsApp thread (consisting of me, DH, parents, DB and my aunt). She says that my aunt is happy to come and spend Christmas with us all at mine and DH's house, she'll stay in a hotel nearby. It's presented as all decided. Problem is, neither myself or DH were aware of any of this and not consulted at any point! Came as a total surprise!
Background - aunt lives alone, her DP died a decade ago. Happily child free, big group of friends. We had invited her for Christmas but she said she would be happy seeing friends as she always does. She spent Christmas with us once when DD was a toddler, and made it very clear it wasn't her type of Christmas as too 'child centred'. Fair enough, I don't blame her! So we really weren't expecting this.
I was so angry, still am. DM has form for this kind of thing - deciding something that usually involves putting us out in some way and then telling us without ever asking first. In the past I've let it go, ever the peace maker, but it infuriates DH and has caused a lot of friction. My DM just won't listen on the few times I've gently tried to broach it so I've dropped it, fighting pick your battles and she won't change now.
But this has made me furious. It's not that I don't want to see my aunt! But the risk factor increases if she is here (and she's also from a Tier 3 area), and we won't strictly be three households (DM thinks she can bubble with my DB, aunt and us). And more than anything, it's the lack of respect for us that burns! Ok so my aunt will be in a hotel for the three nights. But mostly she will be staying with us during that time, and she has a hearty appetite! And I've no idea how we will fit everyone in. I was already feeling stressed about Christmas, life, work and parenting had drained me, and now somehow we've ended up with the biggest family Christmas in years and on the worst possible year for it?!
DH spoke to DF and it transpires my aunt's plans have fallen through so we can't really let her spend Christmas on her own. But I don't feel right about it - and know that if we say no, we become the bad guys.
So:
YANBU: you're right, your parents have acted unreasonably here...
YABU: suck it up, it's three days only and Christmas is a time for family...