Ex keeping my daughter from 23-25th without my permission

[Givemeabreakpls]

Posting for traffic. My ex is due to have our daughter overnight on Wednesday 23rd December, returning her at 9am the next day. He was then due to have her Christmas Eve afternoon until lunchtime Christmas Day as per our parenting agreement. He lives about 3 miles away so travelling isn’t an issue. I have found out by accident that he has no intention of bringing her home on Christmas Eve, but instead is on Wednesday taking her to visit family in a different county and tier (and definitely breaking COVID guidelines of three households in the process). He would only drop her home on Christmas Day. I have told him I don’t agree but he’s saying he will do it anyway. AIBU to be furious? It’s only an informal arrangement, not a court ordered one, but I will be looking to have it through the courts ASAP. Is there anything else I can do to stop him? So as not to drip feed, dd is nearly 8 and actually wants to come home on Christmas Eve. His family are not willing to travel to him as they wish to mix with other family in their home town.

If it's his agreed time to have her then you can't do anything about it or have any say in what he does with her. Thread carefully as the courts don't like one parent interfering with the other.

Is it possible that he made the assumption because it's really quite obvious, and he assumed it would be obvious to you too?

As pp have said, it doesn't really make sense to return her on Christmas Eve morning and then pick her up again at noon. I think most people would just think that they'd got her for the day.

This sounds like a parenting situation where both parents are capable of being unreasonable tbh.

I'm glad you've reached a decision though, and can see how hard it must be not to see your child on those days. Next year will be your turn though, and it will be him missing his child on Christmas Day.

When parents live very close it's sometimes works really well to share days/go back and forth for essential things.

OP if you're in the same situation as me then don't worry about al those saying "he's just being sensible" or whatever.

But yyy to rising above his nefarious ways, it helps in the long term. Save the fight back for when he does the clearly harmful things, clear to others.

It was a disjointed arrangement to start with, but it's totally wrong he was going to unilaterally change it. You must get a court order for future.

To diffuse the current situation and give your DD a calm Xmas I'd suggest to him he has her Xmas Eve morning until Xmas day afternoon, or overnight 23rd if you're ok with that.

@BoomBoomsCousin

I would talk to your daughter about what she wants to do and take my lead from there, given that she's 13.
Opening post says the DD is "nearly 8".*

He was being a knob because his plan was to make changes about where their 13 year old DD was spending her time.....
She is still "nearly 8".

What I find interesting here is your use of 'my daughter' and not 'our daughter'. I'm assuming your ex is her dad? If so I think you need to be more flexible. He has a right to spend time with his daughter and although he might have gone about it the wrong way, his arrangements don't seem unreasonable. It sounds like you consider your daughter just yours and not his as well. She deserves both parents equally.

I just checked back and can see one use of our daughter (first line OP) and one of my.

So she was meant to come home on the morning of Xmas Eve and then return to him on the afternoon of Xmas Eve? What’s the point in that? I’d just let her stay.
Not good about breaking Covid rules, but seems an almighty load of faffing about to have her back Xmas Eve morning only to go away again in the afternoon?

[quote Calmandmeasured1]**@BoomBoomsCousin

I would talk to your daughter about what she wants to do and take my lead from there, given that she's 13.
Opening post says the DD is "nearly 8".*

He was being a knob because his plan was to make changes about where their 13 year old DD was spending her time.....
She is still "nearly 8". [/quote]

Oops. I should probably put my glasses on before I read next time!

He’s still a knob to change plans without telling anyone, though. Even 7 year olds anticipate how they are going to spend their time.