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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I ask my family for help ?

45 replies

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 18:57

I have around 8k of debt. Loans, credit card and overdraft (not included student loan in this).
It's my own fault, can't blame anyone else for it.
I am paying it off and can meet all the monthly payments but as a result i'm left with not much at the end of the month, and it will take me 2 years.
My credit rating is very bad, I have no CCJs or anything but I get declined for anything other than high-interest loans.
I have just taken on a second job which will help. It will mean me working evenings and weekends on top of my full-time hours but needs be.
Aside from that, I do what I can do make extra money, selling stuff on eBay, swagbucks etc.
Christmas is stressing me out, not sure how I am going to be able to afford things.

A while ago my parents told me they had saved money for a house deposit for me. I am aware how incredibly lucky this makes me and don't take it for granted.
I am thinking of asking them if they could transfer me at least some of that money in order for me to pay off most of my debt. I don't have to pay off every penny but I would like to pay the bulk of it and have a clean slate and better credit rating.
I feel ashamed, stressed and anxious.
I would then be in a position to save a good amount of money each month and could make up the house deposit remainder in a year hopefully.
I don't think lenders would offer me a mortgage with the credit score I have.
I am just scared to ask them and of letting them know my situation. I don't really ask them for anything and don't think I should really.
Just wondered what people thought of this situation.

OP posts:

Ithinkim · 14/12/2020 18:58

You could ask but don't be offended if they say no.

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 18:59

Also done what I can do save and cut costs, live in a basic houseshare, all clothes are 2nd hand, primark etc. Don't really buy anything new or expensive, can't afford driving lessons at the moment.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/12/2020 18:59

How old are you? Any kids? How much money do you have left after bills each month?

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:00

I won't be offended, knowing my family they will say yes as they have insisted on stuff before giving me money and things When I was younger which I am really grateful for, I am just embarrassed to ask.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:01

31, no kids, my income varies each month as I do ad hoc work. But I have no savings, if I had an emergency or needed a washing machine or something I couldn't just buy one.

OP posts:

Diva66 · 14/12/2020 19:03

I wouldn’t ask. You need to learn to manage your finances responsibly.

HotSince63 · 14/12/2020 19:07

What have you spent that money on and what makes you so sure you won't just blow it again if this debt gets cleared so easily by your parents?

Have you spoken to a debt advisor to see how best and most effectively to make your repayments manageable?

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:09

I have had bad luck with work in the past like 0 hours contracts. I have never blown money, I was poor at managing it when i was younger and found myself in situations where I was paying more rent then I was earning. I also lost one of my jobs at the start of the lockdown.
I am much better at budgeting now and have no intention of taking out any more money except a mortgage if I can.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:10

I have and they suggested an I VA which will stay on my file for 6 years.

OP posts:

Squirrelblanket · 14/12/2020 19:12

Don't ask, it puts them in an awkward position. I would be happy telling you no and that it's really cheeky for you to ask.

Work on cleaning up your own mess and learning your lesson.

missyB1 · 14/12/2020 19:12

I have adult kids, if you were mine I would want to know and would want to help.

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:13

OK, no point posting on these threads, some people can't give advice without being overly harsh and rude.

OP posts:

AcornAutumn · 14/12/2020 19:13

I’d ask

They’ve told you they’ve saved money for you and the worst they can do is say no. It makes more sense to avoid the IVA.

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:14

I think MN is a place where no child should ever ask their parents for anything, ever, after the age of 18.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:16

It is the money they said they have saved for me and I would be able to make the deposit money up myself after.
Rude comments on here, I hope none of you posters are ever financially affected in any shape or form.

OP posts:

YesMeLady · 14/12/2020 19:17

I would just be honest with them. How much do you realistically need and if they do help out now will you be able to manage a mortgage in the future. Do you know how much they have put by for you. I would help my kids here but would be pretty annoyed that I was bailing them out at 31. Cut up the credit card, consolidate your debts, join a local support group who offer free or cheap items.

countbackfromten · 14/12/2020 19:18

I would ask your parents, explain everything as you have here. You are working so hard to get out of the spiral of debt and it can’t be easy.

Some of the comments on here are horrible. I’m 35 and if I was struggling my parents would want to know and help - if nothing more than to give me love and support. I hope you get the support you need.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 19:18

@Kandymuse70

OK, no point posting on these threads, some people can't give advice without being overly harsh and rude.

OP I think 3 people have said to ask as they may want to help and 3 have said not to and that you need to manage it yourself - you surely know you'll get a range of responses on here.

I've never been so relieved as when I opened up about a few thousand pound debt to my parent. Id never asked him for financial support but felt overwhelmed and it was really affecting my mental health. He paid off the debt and we then signed a contract in which I paid him back monthly, in full but with no internet, at a manageable amount per month. He gave me three months grace before starting repayments to give me some breathing space and time to get a plan together. Could you suggest similar to them so they know you're taking it seriously and want to be accountable for it long term, just that it's spiralling right now?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/12/2020 19:18

Think it’s fine to ask, at 31 I wouldn’t loose another couple of years, but I would come up with a concrete plan to solidify your earnings/ earning potential (hard at the moment)- if you want to buy a property with the deposit long term.

HotSince63 · 14/12/2020 19:19

I don't really ask them for anything and don't think I should really

I don't get it. You've said yourself in your OP that you don't think you should ask them, and now you're getting arsey because some posters are agreeing with you?

Original poster

Kandymuse70 · 14/12/2020 19:19

I'm in tears now and I shouldn't be. People assume that you've blown all the money on something really expensive and that's not the case at all.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 14/12/2020 19:19

Could they help and you pay them a monthly amount to clear it quicker.

I would want my children to tell me.

If you had blown it on holidays etc. I might be a bit 🙄but if not and I could help, I would want to.

Diva66 · 14/12/2020 19:19

@Kandymuse70

I think MN is a place where no child should ever ask their parents for anything, ever, after the age of 18.

I wouldn’t have been able to ask my parents for anything, my father had very poor health and had to stop working and my mother worked her fingers to the bone to support him and 5 children. Your snarky comments when you don’t get the answers you want aren’t doing you any favours.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 19:19

See even more people now (including me) suggesting asking them. You can get really helpful advice on here OP, don't run off because you don't like some answers as you must want to get this sorted and people often have great suggestions you may not think of.

JorisBonson · 14/12/2020 19:20

Poster comes to ask for advice, doesn't get the advice they want, throws strop.

Classic MN.

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