To let my DD meet up with her friends

[CockerSpaniel3]

Please help me out with this dilemma...

DD17 has asked me if she can meet up with 5 of her friends on Friday as they are not at school. I'd be fine letting her go to school on Friday if it was open as that's essential, but meeting her friends isn't. Also, we're currently in a tier 3 area so it would be against the law, hence why I'm reluctant to let her go.

However, its at a guest house next to her friend's house that hasn't been used due to lockdown. DD has also been sitting with them at lunch all week and in lessons so she is trying to convince me that, because of this, there is no extra risk.

DH and I don't want to allow this as elderly FIL is coming for xmas on the 23rd and think this extra day of not mixing will make it safer for him and also since its breaking the law.

I hate having to say to DD that she can't meet up with her friends and she has been quite upset thinking that she'll be left out.

AIBU - Just let her go
AINBU - It's against the law, don't let her

Thanks all!

Also, teenagers are little sods. Next time you tell her 'no' for something else, she'll point back at this and say "well you let me do that, and that was illegal . . . "

At 17 there should be a bit more thinking for herself though. Are people controlling their 17 year olds like toddlers?

At 17 I think it's her decision to make, not yours. Certainly discuss it with her and give her your views/concerns but the ultimate decision is hers at that age.

How many of you, at 17, would have listened to your parents like that? You're lucky she even told you OP, she could have 'gone for a walk' and you'd be none the wiser.

How many of you, at 17, would have listened to your parents like that?

That the thing, I would have listened if we were taking it through but the whole having to ask permission and then wait for an answer rather just talking it through to reach the right conclusion would have had me stomping out the door and not giving a fuck.

‘Classrooms have lots of Covid measures’😂😂😂😂😂

Yeah, but there no social distancing and masks. That’s why they don’t work and cases are so high in secondary schools.

It was lighthearted, @snookercue, as indicated by the smiley face . . .

I would not risk seeing elderly relatives this Christmas with school aged children

Tbh

@RedPandaFluff

It was lighthearted, *@snookercue*, as indicated by the smiley face . . .

No need for the eye roll. I know it was lighthearted. I responded to the people who actually are treating their 17 years olds like toddlers, not you. You just have an example.

@nitsandwormsdodger

Classrooms have lots of covid measures Facing forward Ventilation Anti virus bac wipes No face to face group work No sharing touching of paper books This is not the case in a social situation If it's only you she will be mixing no elderly or venerable people and you're happy to risk the fines

If those measures are so effective, why is COVID tearing through secondary schools at such an alarming rate?

I would let her go. I will probably get flamed for this but I have a 17 year old DD. She has been furloughed for half the year and missed out on so many things. I am not prepared for her to have no life anymore as it is having a serious effect on her mental health.

Same dilemma here. We’ve asked them not to meet inside.

It's illegal, we've all had a crap year and we'd all like to see our friends but this should not even be up for debate.

Until you said you were having FIL for chirstmas I'd have said YABU but she's old enough to prioritise his health over her social life. Shes seeing them Thursday and then again a couple of weeks later, she'll live.

You're still taking a massive risk with his health though.

We've weighed up the risks about FIL's health and have ultimately decided his mental health is more important after the shit year he's had, losing his wife, lockdown etc. Also he's been bubbled with us since May as DH needs to visit him to take him to any medical appointments/flu jabs and the like.

You prioritise your bereaved FIL, which was the right thing to do.

@nosswith

You prioritise your bereaved FIL, which was the right thing to do.

This It’s one meet up she’s missing The parents of the other teens need to give themselves a wobble

I can completely understand why you're having your FIL over but if your dd is going to be in school until Thursday, it's less than a week later that he'll be staying at your house.

I don't know what covid rates are like in your area, but here secondary schools students are testing positive and being told to SI left, right and centre. Do you have a B plan in case your dd is in this position between now Xmas?

OP I feel for your daughter, I’d have been desperate to go at her age. However I think this is a really good moment to teach her an invaluable lesson about making the right choices even when they’re hard.

I had a similar thing when I was her age, where I was the only person I would have put at risk by going (it was an event the day before an A-Level exam). My parents really sympathised with me as I was a good kid and they didn’t want me to miss out. But they sat me down and went through the consequences of me going and the risk not paying off (a failed A level in my case) and although I cried and told them it wasn’t fair, I did understand and now, 15 years later I still remember that lesson and usually make the right decision when similar situations arise. I’m glad in the end that my parents modelled the right path for me even though it was hard at the time.

@christinarossetti19 yes plan B is FIL will stay with BIL who WFH. Fingers crossed this won't have to happen though.

Don't risk it
I let a friend pop round last week. Just a day later my DH started feeling unwell. I had no symptoms. We both tested positive. It's horrible when they then have to get tested and you are worrying who else is going to get infected because of it. Trust me it's not worth the very real risk

The thing is Conkergame that if OP's dd will be in school until Thursday, there's a risk that she will either come down with the virus up to two weeks after that, having unwittingly spread it around her household, or be informed that she has been a 'close contact' with someone who has up until Xmas eve.

I think this is a dreadful position to put someone else in, let alone a teen. As wetasstenalady says, completely unwittingly passing the virus on to others.

If an elderly relative was coming on 23rd Dec, I would have had my entire household self-isolating from two weeks before. This would esp be the case with a secondary school aged child, who are the most infected subset of the population.

I do understand why you want your fil to come to you for Xmas OP, but unless your entire household has been self-isolating since at least last Thursday, it's still very risky.

Regardless of how her school has handled it you should both respect the rules and not meet anyone until the (limited) relaxation over Xmas. All these breaches are why the lockdowns are less effective than they should be and the reason many people will die unnecessarily. If you have an elderly relative visiting one of those unnecessary deaths could be them