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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my ex fabulously overstepped... fuming

47 replies

InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 10:04

So i am NC with my mother and most of my siblings for well... reasons it wasnt an easy decision and wasnt taken lightly at all. Its been happy and settled since going NC a couple of years ago and so much more positive for me and DC's

I moved the beginning of this year, i have purposely not given them my new address but they all have my mobile number for "emergencies" none choose to contact me on it and thats fine.

So apparently my mother rings my ex, does her oh woe is me and he gives her my address and promises to take DC's to visit her as soon as he can.

He then had the audacity to lecture me about how she doesnt get to see the DC cos I am stubborn etc etc. He know why i have gone NC so i think this is a massive dick move on his part and he is just continuing to try and control me and my decisions - the whole reason he is my ex.

Aibu to be fuming and seriously wanting to go NC with him ... and move again

I won't, I will smile sweetly and manage the fallout from this. I have told him its not his place to give my details to anyone and he overstepped big time. So not letting him turn me into a doormat again. Just dreading dealing with her and her chaos again and seriously pissed off with my Ex

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 14/12/2020 10:05

Oh my goodness, what a thing to do!!! YANB at all U. Do you think she'll turn up on your doorstep?

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 10:26

@FetchezLaVache

Oh my goodness, what a thing to do!!! YANB at all U. Do you think she'll turn up on your doorstep?
Yes i do, i was fretting all of yesterday wondering what i would do if she did. I liked it when my head said "slam the door on her" but I won't. We're isolating right now because ex is taking DC's to his mums for Christmas and we want to reduce the risk to her, and now he has opened the door to introducing a risk we just don't need. Its infuriating.
OP posts:
JillofTrades · 14/12/2020 10:27

Wow massively overstepped. You have to be hard though if she does turn up.

FetchezLaVache · 14/12/2020 11:08

Yes, agree with Jill. Your head has it right! But at least you can just cite the self-isolating if it's hard to be confrontational.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 14/12/2020 11:09

Yanbu, if it’s egregious write everything down and consider reporting her to the police for harassment. You never know if down the line you might want to apply for a restraining order or injunction and you need to start building towards that now.

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 17:41

@Mustbe3ormorecharacters

Yanbu, if it’s egregious write everything down and consider reporting her to the police for harassment. You never know if down the line you might want to apply for a restraining order or injunction and you need to start building towards that now.
I could write everything down. Start to build up the evidence. That way it could be a formal process when inundated by her crazy. I expect she will be butter wouldnt melt until she feels comfy around me again and then it will slowly but surely ramp up. He is right she should have a relationship with DC's but i am of the opinion that can develop when they are old enough to make their choices. Feel like my hand is being forced gere
OP posts:
goopsoup · 14/12/2020 17:47

We're isolating right now because ex is taking DC's to his mums for Christmas and we want to reduce the risk to her, and now he has opened the door to introducing a risk we just don't need. Its infuriating.

Tell ex that as he has shown you so little consideration by giving your address without your permission, you and the kids will no longer be isolating.

Your ex-MIL's health is not your responsibility.

Lorw · 14/12/2020 18:05

Just don’t answer the door 😁 sorry your ex did that to you 😐

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 14/12/2020 19:13

@InsanityOf2020 I was recommended to do this by a friend who worked for the crown prosecution service when an acquaintance started stalking and harassing me, I thought it was over kill but it ended up being needed. I’m not sure I would have gotten the injunction I did if I hadn’t started building the case way before I needed to.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 14/12/2020 19:14

I thought I needed to*

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 19:19

If YOU think that relationship can wait until your kids are old enough to choose, then that is a good enough reason to want to keep NC for now.

He had no right to give your details. Angry

Lollypop701 · 14/12/2020 19:28

@goopsoup I would definitely do that

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 14/12/2020 19:50

I also wouldn’t be spending my Christmas period isolating because of my ex. Go out and let the kids some have some pre-Christmas fun.

Lostinsleepybyes · 14/12/2020 19:56

I’ve been NC with my ‘D’M for almost three years. She is cruel, abusive and massively narcissistic and self centered. My ExH has now started to visit her with our children even though I’ve told him I feel she is damaging to the children and I don’t want them there. Apparently it’s up to him. He also visits with his DP. The woman he was sleeping with when we were married. My ‘D’M welcomes her with open arms 🙄

Lostinsleepybyes · 14/12/2020 19:57

Posted too soon! I meant to add that I totally understand how you’re feeling. We moved away last year an ExH has given our our address too. It’s crap!

Unicant · 14/12/2020 20:00

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. It is not his place to hand out your details and id be furious with him.

FestiveChristmasLights · 14/12/2020 20:02

Overstepping the mark is generally what someone you get on with does by accident. This was an intentional and unpleasant decision made to deliberately annoy and upset you. Yanbu.

Barmyfarmy · 14/12/2020 20:06

OP I'm sorry you're going through this.

If your Mother does show up, could you tell her you're staying with a friend and moving in a week so she shouldn't be visiting you there?

Hope you're okay and she stays well away!

fourandnomore · 14/12/2020 20:13

This is awful, I would be utterly fuming at him. Don’t punish his mother though or your children that may want to see their grandmother (mil) by doing what some people are suggesting. You’ve obviously agreed to isolate to benefit more than just your ex so don’t stoop to his level. I would definitely spell it out to him that you are making substantial sacrifices to allow him the family Christmas he wants and he has repaid you by basically ensuring you are harassed. If your mother turns up and it all gets nasty, tell him you’ll move again and you won’t be giving him the address either this time. What a horrid person. I really hope you are ok.

thosetalesofunexpected · 14/12/2020 20:18

Hi Op
Your ex is a Arsehole

If your mothers turns up just tell you are moving again as you don't like/get on with your next door neighbour

NailsNeedDoing · 14/12/2020 20:19

If your ex thinks your mum should see the dc, he can facilitate that when he has them. Tell them both that and look after yourself.

ScrapThatThen · 14/12/2020 20:20

Don't let someone else decide you have to try again. Hold firm to what you want.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/12/2020 20:34

For the future, when you next move, can you arrange to do DC handovers at a neutral meeting place, so your ex never has to come to your home, so know your address?

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 20:37

Thanks everyone. I haven't heard anything today. I am expecting a christmas card to turn up in the post with a p/a letter or comment. I wont hurt ex-MiL she is lovely and I wont take her DGC's away from her. Kiddo's are really excited, they have always spent Christmas there. If mother dearest [sarcasm] turns up I will handle it. Ex has been told quite vehemently that he is out of line. If i do end up moving then i will be the dc taxi to meet him at an agreed location rather than the easy relaxed thing we had. I dont think i could trust him again.

OP posts:
Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 20:47

@lottiegarbanzo

For the future, when you next move, can you arrange to do DC handovers at a neutral meeting place, so your ex never has to come to your home, so know your address?
Oo cross post, great minds Smile
OP posts:
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