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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my ex fabulously overstepped... fuming

47 replies

InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 10:04

So i am NC with my mother and most of my siblings for well... reasons it wasnt an easy decision and wasnt taken lightly at all. Its been happy and settled since going NC a couple of years ago and so much more positive for me and DC's

I moved the beginning of this year, i have purposely not given them my new address but they all have my mobile number for "emergencies" none choose to contact me on it and thats fine.

So apparently my mother rings my ex, does her oh woe is me and he gives her my address and promises to take DC's to visit her as soon as he can.

He then had the audacity to lecture me about how she doesnt get to see the DC cos I am stubborn etc etc. He know why i have gone NC so i think this is a massive dick move on his part and he is just continuing to try and control me and my decisions - the whole reason he is my ex.

Aibu to be fuming and seriously wanting to go NC with him ... and move again

I won't, I will smile sweetly and manage the fallout from this. I have told him its not his place to give my details to anyone and he overstepped big time. So not letting him turn me into a doormat again. Just dreading dealing with her and her chaos again and seriously pissed off with my Ex

OP posts:

Inaseagull · 14/12/2020 21:08

Why on earth do you think your Mother should have a relationship with your DC? If she is too 'insert appropriate words here' for you, then why inflict this on them?

Sorka · 14/12/2020 21:08

I would be furious OP. How dare he give her your address and decide what relationship you should have with someone you’ve cut ties with?

Do you have a ring/nest doorbell so you can see who’s at the door without answering? Mine records constantly so it would also help you to see if she’s lurking outside while building up to approaching you.

Yeahnahmum · 14/12/2020 21:14

Get a ring doorbell. If she rings you tell her to back off and she is not welcome. And that is she continues to show up uninvited youll call the police. Then you go back to your life. Oh and throw some honey on yiur ex and then make him sit in an ants nest

Christmasfairy2020 · 14/12/2020 21:24

Yabu shes your mum and brought u up and loved you etc. You should see her and have a relationship etc

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 21:28

Here we go...

BitOfFun · 14/12/2020 21:31

@Christmasfairy2020

Yabu shes your mum and brought u up and loved you etc. You should see her and have a relationship etc

Don't be ridiculous- you have no idea of the backstory etc

Nevergoingbackthere · 14/12/2020 21:34

Christmasfairy2020 ODFOD do you really not have enough imagination to realise that many parents are not loving at all? And are therefore completely undeserving of a relationship with their children? You wouldn't tolerate being mistreated by a stranger, why does being related give people the right to torment others?

Christmasfairy2020 · 14/12/2020 21:34

What is the back story? She just said they was arguing.

Yohoheaveho · 14/12/2020 21:35

I would try not to let him see how angry you are, he's done it to piss you off so dont give him info about how to piss you off!
Now you know he cant be trusted, keep a very detailed log of everything, keep cards close to chest.

Nevergoingbackthere · 14/12/2020 21:39

Christmasfairy2020 people do not go NC for no reason. Maybe your New Year's resolution should be to try to be less of a judgy cow.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 21:40

No feedy da muppet

Nevergoingbackthere · 14/12/2020 21:41

Sheldon I know I know..

MotherExtraordinaire · 14/12/2020 21:41

@InsanityOf2020
am of the opinion that can develop when they are old enough to make their choices
But we all know that the likely consequences of this is you get "your way" the and they won't have a meaningful relationship if its not established in childhood.

Tbh, I'd be saying let them have the relationship with your ex facilitating. So that the lack of relationships if he doesn't keep it up is a shared responsibility.

Should he have shared the address? Probably not, if it was a genuine safeguarding risk then definitely not. But it sounds more like your issues with your mother and that others interpret this as your personality and management.

Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 22:07

@Inaseagull

Why on earth do you think your Mother should have a relationship with your DC? If she is too 'insert appropriate words here' for you, then why inflict this on them?

I dont, i think they should have a good productive relationship with their father. And his mum. I dont stop that at all. With regards to my relationship with my mother. Theres a huge backstory, years in the making, and i dont want to air it here, took me years to decide to cut ties, and i did it to protect my daughters as much as myself.

Ring doorbell is a good idea. I will look into those more

OP posts:

Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 22:11

@Christmasfairy2020

What is the back story? She just said they was arguing.

I didnt say i was arguing with my mother, the backstory doesnt need to be told, all you need to know it i cut ties and he had the audacity to disrespect that decision.

OP posts:

Caterinaballerina · 14/12/2020 22:13

Ring doorbell and ignore it if you can or even better get a friend to answer it and pretend to be the owner. Implying that your ex gave the wrong details. And if he is asked he could be TOLD to play along that he does keep mixing it up but also realises
He shouldn’t have said anything and now won’t.

Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 14/12/2020 22:14

@Christmasfairy2020

Yabu shes your mum and brought u up and loved you etc. You should see her and have a relationship etc

Loved me? Right...

OP posts:

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 14/12/2020 22:29

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

Here we go...

What does this mean @SheldonesqueIsUnwell ? @Nevergoingbackthere agreed but I don’t know, what’s the story?

Teana89 · 14/12/2020 23:19

@Christmasfairy2020

What is the back story? She just said they was arguing.

First paragraph in the OP clearly says there were reasons for NC with mother and siblings.

WhimsicallyPlain · 14/12/2020 23:27

@Christmasfairy2020

Yabu shes your mum and brought u up and loved you etc. You should see her and have a relationship etc

I loathe this mentality. Just because you're related to or have been brought up by someone, doesn't mean you owe them anything. You never know the damage a loved one has caused someone else...

Yohoheaveho · 14/12/2020 23:39

@Christmasfairy2020

Yabu shes your mum and brought u up and loved you etc. You should see her and have a relationship etc

If only life conformed to the fairytale that you think it is..... Christmasfairy

Joinedjustforthispost · 15/12/2020 01:16

We’ve had the same with our bil, we cut contact with dh mother when we took her to court for abusing young boys and also she thought she could bully us in to having access to our dc through her scummy solicitors after being found guilty of being a sex offender etc , she had never met or had contact with our dc and it was a control thing, she happily blamed her childhood abuse for becoming an abuser and took no responsibility and proudly told family that she was allowed access to her grandchildren as long as it was supervised but we fought for our dc and she didn’t get near our dc. We thought bil was on our wavelength and he was the only one who we trusted with being told our new address and contact number well you can guess the rest , it’s fine we’ve won the battle again but me and dp after falling out with bil have told him we will be moving eventually and due to his behaviour he won’t be getting our address or location or access to our dc and he only has his self to blame and he accepted it . Only my parents will know because they have been by our sides for years helping us fight a monster.

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