To ask if you know anyone who....

[Miamarshmallows]

Is single by choice and intends to stay that way?
For me personally, I would cope if DP left me or died but my life would nowhere near be as fulfilling or fun without him in it and I would grieve for what we had lost everyday. I wouldn't choose to be single if I could be in a happy, secure and very loving relationship is what I'm saying.

I've been with my OH for 17 years - not married, no children - and if he, God forbid, died tomorrow, then I would probably carry on alone.

I never sought a relationship, but ended up with my best friend, more by luck than by design.

I'm probably a bit of an outlier, but I believe many people would be happier by themselves than they think.

I have a friend like this. She's the same age as me (mid 50s) and although she had a couple of long term relationships in her 20s and early 30s,she hasn't been in one for 25 years,and to the best of my knowledge,has not dated anyone since then either. She has no children,is quite career driven,and perfectly happy as far as I can tell.

Me. Although I guess I'm not single by choice in the sense that my ex ended things last year and I didn't want us to be over. I thought he was my happy ever after.

But having had my heart broken twice (and been single for 7 years in between the 2 men) I don't want another relationship. Its not worth the heartbreak.
So I'll stay single.

Yep!

Me!

After my divorce I took some time out to recover and sort myself out. Met a guy who seemed ok through a hobby and we were together for a while but unfortunately he wanted his own dc and I can't have any more so really needed to go our separate ways.

Was very busy over the few years after that and then came to terms with being bi and met someone but that fizzled out as we annoyed each other in certain ways.

I then found myself where my personal circumstances weren't really conducive to dating (dd had a rough year culminating in dx of disability, my own health deteriorated, my ex stopped contact with dd etc just a generally shit year!) so decided to just not bother for a bit...

And then found I was much happier without all the drama and compromise! Cancelled all my OLD stuff which had never been particularly useful anyway, and just accepted things as they were.

As time went on I realised I actually quite enjoyed being single and that I'd probably just fallen for societal pressure.

I've had the occasional bit of fun with friends of mine who I have no interest in dating and they're not interested in dating me when I have felt the urge so to speak but generally speaking In terms of relationships I'm far happier on my own. I can see in the future I MAY Possibly date again but I don't think I'll live with anyone else - that tends to be the point they irritate the hell out of me! I sometimes joke I need to meet someone who also has the money to buy us 2 flats or houses next door to each other! But in reality I think even that'd be too close for comfort!

Several friends and relatives similar.

A few are widowed and their deceased spouse/partner was their person and they're not interested in considering anyone else. Some are divorced/separated, a couple have never had a serious relationship and aren't looking for one.

They're all leading full happy lives, successful in their careers, have good friends and in some cases dc and even dgc to spend time with

Coupledom ain't necessarily all it's cracked up to be (and especially for women it can generally be detrimental to their happiness and health according to some studies)

Plus everyone's different. I don't believe everyone's suited to being in a relationship or at least a cohabiting one (that is the part I really struggle with - I need my space!) so people should be able to do what suits them

Also we need different things at different life stages too.

Dd has gone through that late teen "playing house" phase with her last boyfriend which broke up when he got a bit too comfortable with all she was doing for him! She's now studying and is focusing on that as she recognises she tends to become "all consumed" when she has a boyfriend and so is planning to not bother for the time being - it's only her first year of this and academic year at that so we'll see whether it actually lasts

Now if only I could get my mother to accept that "a nice young man" isn't the be all and end all I'd be sorted! (And yes she knows I'm bi but thinks I'm not really I just haven't met the right man!🙄 don't even get me started!)

I am, sort of. I would LOVE to be in a relationship and share my life with someone I love, but I am asexual and never want to have sex again. While I know there are people like me out there, they're very hard to find and I've all but given up at this point. I've had great relationships but my lack of desire for sex has ruined them all. So I don't want to try again unless I can be completely sure the other person feels the same as me about sex. I can't go through losing someone I love again because of sex and I won't have sex when I don't want it or like it.

I'm single and will remain that way, I've got absolutely no interest in a relationship at all as I would resent having to share my time and my house to accommodate another person. My home is for me and my DCs, anybody else is unwelcome except their friends and partners .

I'm single, after separating from my husband 18 years ago. Perfectly happy as I am with no plans to even look for a partner. I like my life the way it is and am happy with my own company.

YABU just because you feel that way doesn't mean other people have to. Being happy is what we all want surley? Be that single or in a happy relationship.

Everyone is different. And I think it's hard to imagine your life as drastically different to how it is now, especially as you get older and more stuck in your ways.

I can't imagine choosing to be single over having a happy and fulfilling relationship, as it sounds very lonely to me, but that's unsurprising since I've been happily married for donkey's years. I bet if you've been happily single for donkey's years you would cringe at the thought of having to share your life with a partner. You'd probably think it sounded like a lot of hassle and a loss of freedom.

I'd like a relationship however it is finding a partner who has similar interests or even different interests but that we have a good connection together and that we know each other quite well before heading into a relationship, as then I know they are pretty much how they seem they are at the beginning as to how they are many months later, rather than they seem x when first getting together then x months later rather it's who are you ?

I'm not happy single. I've been single for 4 years before and had so many people tell me I should just love it. I don't. One bit. Wouldnt settle but I'm just so much happier with a partner. I'm sure others can be but even surer now that's just not me.

Yes, my friend has been single since she was 45....she got divorced at 35, had a number of shocking relationships and said "That's it!" she's very happy alone.

There is nothing a partner could bring to my life and there is a lot they could spoil. My life is lovely and I am not prepared to compromise a minute of that

This sums it up perfectly for me. I’m 41 and have been single for more than 10 years. I have dated in that time and had gentleman friends to meet my sexual needs but have always been clear there is no commitment or love.

I have a wonderful life and lifestyle. I’m genuinely happy and content and am not lacking for anything. I can list out many disadvantages to a relationship and absolutely nothing that would be an advantage for me.

I am happy on my own. I'm 41 and my husband left almost 2 years ago. We'd been married 17 years and together since I was 14.

I don't intend to let someone in to cause the upset my husband did to me.

I have wonderful friends. I am making the best start for my teenage children and showing them that you have to make you happy. No one else can do that.

I don't think there is someone out there who can add to my life but there is a lot that they can spoil.

My friends seem to think that I need someone in my life and want me to let them know when as they have people to set me up with. They don't understand that I am not going to ruin what I have for making do.

Me, I've been single for more than 15 years have brought my kids up myself , have great friends a great career . I made some shit choices with men so decided not to date when my kids were young.

You are sent the message so strongly by society that you need to have a relationship to be fulfilled , however when I stopped being in one I realised for me the opposite was true.

I like my life I have made some brave decisions which I didn't have to compromise on and my life is richer for it.

I have loads of love in my life I'm not saying never to a relationship but I never want to live with someone again and definitely no marriage . I'm not waiting for someone to fulfil me that's my job and I'm doing just fine by myself.

Me! Three long-term relationships. I have no interest whatsoever in 'getting to know' someone all over again and all the baggage that comes with it.

Am happily married and DH was a good friend before we got together but l absolutely know if we split up or he died, l would stay single forever. Not because nobody would come close to him (although nobody would!), but.l couldn't be bothered going through all the dating thing etc and quite frankly l wouldn't want anyone else in my house. Got a pact with a few girlfriends that we will all live together when we are old!

I'm just so tired with life that I want some time on my own, just to sit and watch TV or something! So if dp died then I'd not bother trying to find someone else. I'd hope his life insurance would cover a cleaner though, I'd definitely welcome a cleaner into my life

I am. I’m a single mother by choice and honestly looking at a lot of relationships wonder why people bother. A truly happy relationship with no issues is extremely rare.

I'm single by choice after a twenty year marriage. It's a complicated situation in that my ex-husband is in full time care and I still visit and look after him, which I'm pretty sure would be an issue for a new bloke anyway (given how people on here react to people phoning their ex or sharing family things etc, imagine how they'd react to me haring off to do emergency medical procedures at 5am, lol).

But in any case I'm not interested. Only want them for sex, tbh. I find men a terrible burden. I'm not slagging off my exH; I mean able bodied men such as... 100% of the male partners of my female friends. ALL of them, while some are charming or clever or funny, ALL of them are in the end burdens to these wonderful women, who waste so much energy serving them. Something went wrong in my generation. Too many of the men didn't grow up. I'm not into it.

I've got a full and interesting life, with lots of friends and a good job and I'm financially and emotionally sorted. I would only want a man who could actually bring something to that, but it is my observation that men just endlessly need things, and offer almost nothing. When I was a young woman, I suppose in retrospect I felt I needed male approval so much I was grateful for it and wanted nothing more. Now, I couldn't give a toss.

If anything happened to my DP I would 100% remain single. I've had 2 LTR and 10 years single in between.

I've come to realise I'm just not well suited to being in a relationship, or at least not cohabitating. He is a lovely man and does add things to my life but I miss my solitude a lot of the time.

Definitely would not seek out another relationship if this one ended

Me, I’ve been single for 12 years, not even a sniff of a relationship, by choice.
My first husband was a cheater, the second, a violent psychopath.
When I eventually managed to get away from him, it took years of counselling for me to feel even remotely normal again, but I did not want another relationship. I still don’t.
I’m loving, honest, and have wonderful family and friends. I have a stressful job, and my own home, and yes, I’m sometimes lonely. But mostly, I’m grateful for to be alone, alive, and free.
I do get a pang from time to time, when I see loving couples together, and think it would be nice to share that intimacy, and have someone to cuddle. It doesn’t last long, as the reality is that I’m pretty sure that I’d never genuinely want that.
I’m 54, and in the years since I came back to the UK, I’ve never looked for, nor come across, anyone whom I felt strongly enough about to pursue.
I agree that TV adverts, and society in general fail to recognise that people like me, and others here, exist. Colleagues used to do the ‘ let’s find you someone nice, you don’t want to be alone’. Whilst realising that they think they are being nice, it’s annoying, and prompts me to say that I’m fine as I am, thank you.
There are many, many, positives to my life....and I can live with the negatives.

I love my partner and wouldn’t be without him, but if we split up I don’t think I would seek out another relationship. I would want my freedom to go where I wanted, live where I wanted, eat what I wanted every single day, with no regard for anyone else!

I find men a terrible burden.

This is exactly how I feel. Once the romance and the sex wears off you're always stuck with basically a needy little boy who wants you to do most of his domestic work and life admin, laugh at his jokes, listen to the same stories again and again, validate his tedious hobbies and pretend to find him funny. They are so needy and its all about the and their needs. After a while the objective is for you to just disappear and service them like their mum did.

There are always variations on this theme (different hobbies/different personal styles) but its the same basic emotional pattern and its so draining.

My sister and a good friend and interestingly enough, his brother. They are all now late 60s/early 70s. Dsis been alone for about 25 years.