Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to reassure me that my own secondary school experience is not the norm for most children?

79 replies

crazyrabbit · 13/12/2020 22:29

I am feeling quite anxious about sending my child to school. My own experience was horrible and I really want better for my dc. I have been considering private, but with little experience of the private sector, I am not sure if this will resolve some of my worries or not. The available state schools around us are very average. I don't know if my own experience is perhaps clouding my judgement.

My own secondary school was in an area with a high level of deprivation. Quite a few of the children had emotional and behavioural difficulties, and this would effect the quality of teaching and the environment. The teachers would spend more time managing challenging behaviour and less time teaching. Bullying was common and it feels like it was often ignored, I also witnessed a few assaults. Looking back I feel there was an element of misogyny as there was a group of three boys in YR 7 & 8 who would target the girls; they would frequently hit, shove, slap, etc and I actually witnessed one of them force his hands down a YR 7 girl's trousers.

Some of the teachers were excellent, some were disinterested, but even the excellent teachers had their teaching dampened by challenging behaviours and an environment that did not support learning. There was no pushing the children to achieve their full potential, if you managed a C grade you were not encouraged to improve and you were instead left to get on with it, as other children needed the help more. Music, art and sport were unrepresented in the curriculum. I think when I left that school just under 20% of the children were achieving the 5 basic GCSE's. The school has since been transformed into an academy.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 15/12/2020 13:24

To continue because of the unhappiness they cause. Also different year groups behave differently and a nasty cohort that feeds off individuals never seems to be addressed. Possibly because of impact on numbers.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/12/2020 13:25

Gosh first sentence should have read round pegs in round holes.

PeppermintSoda · 15/12/2020 13:38

I think a large school can be an advantage with regard to bullying provided it is well run. Dd1 had problems at her small primary school as there was a pecking order of coolness in her class that she was pretty low down on!
Once she moved to her Comp with a much bigger pool of kids, she was able to find a group of like minded kids. They're a nice bunch and the cool kids don't bother them. She's been a lot happier and is in year 12 now.

ColourMeExhausted · 15/12/2020 14:03

This is a really interesting thread. My own school experience was similar. Located in a deprived area, each child for themselves really. Very low GCSE pass rate (it's only got worse since I left). I did well because I had parents who pushed for me to do so, engaging with the teachers, helping me with homework etc. But I was in the minority. Bullying was an everyday occurrence and there were some very hardened kids there.

However, I went to private school for sixth form and although it was good teaching, I have to say I preferred my secondary school. It was so cliquey, the bullying was still there, yet it was more insidious and actually felt worse. I could understand that the kids at my secondary school were battling against deprived backgrounds, and parents who didn't give a shit about their schooling, with every day just about survival. The richer kids were harder to deal with, I never felt comfortable there.

My own DC are at a primary school which, despite being in a deprived area, is actually brilliant, friendly and supportive. But the catchment secondary is not good. I'm hoping it turns itself around in the next few years. We could just about afford private but it would mean making a lot of sacrifices and it's not a route I really want to take. We could also move areas but really reluctant to do so.

I like to think it's about the child more than the school...but I don't really believe that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.