Tales of family Christmas from hell?

[HTH1]

Following on from the guests from hell thread, please tell me about your worst family Christmas from hell. Hopefully that will make me happier about it just being a v small Christmas this year (all family away or dead) and would love to hear your experiences

Once we got invited out for Xmas lunch at a friend's and I was really excited as I usually cook for others at Christmas. I was looking forward to a lie in, a few glasses of bubbly and being waited on for a change.

Christmas morning I got a call to say half their household had gone down with norovirus and I ended up having the uninflected half of the family round to us.

Another year all the family were at mine and we got pressured into inviting an uncle that nobody liked in order to appease my grandmother. He got drunk and proceeded to do gut wrenching farts that stunk out the entire living room and we had to throw him out. We've not spoken to him since (he is an arsehole as well as being a rude houseguest)

Aged 10, as my poor dm dragged her tartan shopping trolley around the local shops (first to get all the fruit and veg, then to do the meat shop, back out to buy the booze (she was tea total) and finally to buy the staples) I was looking after younger siblings. My dad returned from the pub (days of afternoon closing) with his db and my cousin. Both men proceeded to make their way through a bottle of whisky. Older cousin kept teasing baby db until he made him cry. Without listening to what had happened, 'd'f rushed into the room, picked me up by my hair and threw me across the room and I hit the wall. My sibs were pleading telling him it wasn't me and cousin sat grinning. Uncle grabbed his ds and left.

Aged 11, we had to delay dinner until DF came back from pub. Both sets of gps were waiting patiently and dm getting increasingly anxious. Me and sibs had been waiting for the big xmas film all day. DF stumbles home as film was starting. I asked dm if I could eat after the film and she was fine. DF ordered me to the table. I refused. It was his fault we were sitting down to eat almost 2 hours later which I protested. Again he rushed at me and started attacking me. Dgf stopped him. They had a big row. Df's parents immediately went home in disgust. Other granny was staying with us and in obvious shock and wishing she was home. DF sat at the table on his own stuffing his fat face. Nobody else felt like eating. I didn't watch the film. I went up to my room and didn't come back out.

And repeat - similar scenarios until I left home a few years later.

Dp's did divorce eventually but he would drunkenly turn up anyway. Dm was always at work on xmas day by then and sibs would let him in. Lost dm a couple of years ago after years of painful illness. We've all been NC with him for years. He's still causing misery somewhere and has missed out on his dgc being born and growing up into beautiful young people.

I will NEVER forgive American Tan tights. What is it with Old People? Twirlies. Celine Bloody Dion. Kenny fucking Rogers and his 400 children left in a field? I'm with Lucille on that one. Grubby little oik.

@DrCoconut my grandad died the same year, ruined that song that was also my worst Christmas, my mother decided everyone should come to ours Christmas day , when I say she decided I mean she was told . Long lost aunt and alcoholic aunt made it hell for us kids then lovely aunt was verbally attacked by uncle's wife , us kids dissapeared with dad to their room and watched a film on the tiny portable tv. She never let herself be railroaded again . I don't speak to long lost aunt or uncle and his wife now and alcoholic aunt has died

The one where MIL had a massive tantrum about making Christmas dinner because ‘she always did it’ (not even slightly true). She had decided she wanted a takeaway which we couldn’t get.
So she locked herself and FIL in the kitchen all day, refused to let me and DH have anything to eat (so we ate loads of Christmas biscuits). Very late on she served the worst Christmas dinner ever whilst lecturing us about gluttony.
DH and I went home on the 27th and made our own Christmas dinner. Didn’t eat at MILs again.

Apart from the odd burst of laughter, this thread has made me so sad! May you all have peaceful Xmas days this year.

We used to have huge shared Xmas days with another family, one year they would cook, the next we would. Then mum refused to go one year, and it all fell apart. After that it was just the four of us till my sister ran off to live with her boyfriend (still happily married 30+ years later). I was briefly married so Xmas was better with Ex-P’s family around.

We split, so home to parents. Xmas just me and the DPs as they’d been foul to my sister. Dad would go out as me and mum were boring so we’d have a lovely non-Xmas meal without him. After he died we’d sometimes has Xmas with DSis & her family. Otherwise just me and mum and she’s a hard person to love.

Many years later, have DP and DSs - we mostly have lovely quiet Xmas days, food, presents, TV. But I still feel underlying sadness about Xmas due to the empty wilderness years after exH and pre-DP.

💐 to you all.

My dad left my mum on the Boxing Day after my first Christmas for a colleague.

He'd left my brothers with toys half put together and wasn't around on my first birthday.

I have honestly never understood why my mum took him back (it wasn't the first, nor the last affair), but they're still together now.

They've been married for over 40 years and he's just sent me a text saying he has no ideas for a Christmas present for her...

Aged 11, we had to delay dinner until DF came back from pub.

With us it was Sunday lunch. Every single week. We never ever ate the dinner when it was freshly cooked because we were expected to behave as if he was truly going out for a single drink instead of being at the pub when it opened and returning only when it closed.

Lukewarm/heated food and a row over the Sunday dinner table every week all to maintain the fiction that he wasn't a functioning alcoholic.

Same panic over Christmas dinner every year waiting on him to return from the pub with extra time pressure because we had a lengthy series of bus journeys (or walk when they stopped running public transport) to my grandfather's for Christmas tea.

Every year my mother would do this - and would have a panic attack because she was agoraphobic. We'd be trying to manage her and this stupid bus trip (with travelsick siblings) or wretched walk. It was a relief when her agoraphobia was so bad that she had her panic attack inside the house and literally couldn't cross the front door. We children still had to go but at least we didn't have a drunk father or shrieking mother to manage.

The taste I associate with Christmas dinner is tears.

This is outing too but I'll tell it anyway. Christmas is the axis on which my DM mum's world has generally turned. Lots of stories could be told about the means she deployed (with the help of flying monkey enablers) to ensure her version of 'the magic' of Christmas was maintained down to the last detail. This went on for nearly twenty years, with DH and me flying back to my home country before, for various reasons, we shifted to the UK. It's been a relief to be able to inject new traditions into things. To be fair - this has been embraced and we will certainly miss them this year. Getting to this point, however, almost obliterated any sort of enjoyment I got from the holiday.

One year they did come to the UK with my grandmother, as my DD was a newborn. We were able to have friends join the celebration and got a fantastic meal together which included all of their usual 'hits' but also some things we'd always wanted to try. They made it through the day without too terribly much tutting.

Two days later they flew back and proceeded to re-create the entire Christmas meal, including the turkey and all of the usual quirky sides. They were just "craving it" they said. No self-awareness whatsoever - but DH and I were totally able to laugh at it.

I have concluded that it's anxiety related, the tradition thing. Every year we spend part of the day talking about how the holiday isn't the same 'without traditions' and everyone else but us has crap ones. This is actually one of 'the traditions.' DH has heard his family whispered about, although my parents have clearly benefited from that. The year my parents were here for DD's first Christmas they didn't join us because it wasn't convenient for Golden Child, DH's brother.

Ex and I had a rare 10 days off work at the same time over Christmas and we planned to visit four different sets of relatives, which necessitated driving from Yorkshire to Suffolk to North Wales to Manchester to Northumberland then home again, a lot of miles but with splitting the driving between us it would work ok. --Looking back it was always an idiotic plan!‐‐
The night before we were meant to set off I'd worked all day then madly rushed round trying to pack everything, clean the house, empty the fridge, wrap the last presents etc and I was absolutely knackered and aware that I needed a good night's sleep so I'd be in a fit state to drive early the following morning. Ex was absolutely FURIOUS when I turned him down for sex as I wanted sleep instead. We had a colossal row and he tried to punch me hard in the face, I ducked and he hit the door frame instead. I had to drive him to A&E as he'd broken a couple of bones in his hand, so didn't get back until the early hours.
I didn't want to ruin Christmas for everyone so I spent the next ten days doing ALL the driving, helping him do various tasks that he couldn't manage with one hand in a plaster cast like cutting up his food, and putting up with him basking in the sympathy from his family and mine while he was muttering comments to me about what a fucking bitch I am whenever we were alone. Of course it was all my fault - presumably he thought I should have done the decent thing and let him break my face instead.

Happy to report that that was the final straw after forgiving him for two years of similar abuse, and I left him a few weeks later

My dad died very suddenly on Boxing Day 1993 . He and my mother had enjoyed Boxing Day lunch with her siblings and they tried their best to revive him . I was a newly qualified nurse so mum phoned me . Husband drove and got me there within 5 minutes . It was too late . I could tell from the circumstances that he had been without oxygen for a minimum of 15 minutes so couldn't be saved . This was confirmed by the ambulance staff . It was definitely our worst Christmas.

@Listopad

Not as bad as many here, but my grandma married a vile man and he accompanied her to all family events. Christmas dinner the year that I passed my driving test he ate himself sick (because it was free!) and drank until he was insensible while throwing insults at the other guests. We had to sit and try and finish eating while listening to him on his knees retching loudly and violently in the nearby downstairs toilet while my grandma flapped with embarrassment and blamed the cream. I was driving them back home (no drink for me the whole day) and the whole way he loudly criticised my driving, wrecking my confidence. I wish I had stopped the car and tipped him out. I dreaded family Christmases with him, he sucked the joy out of everything.

Omg he sounds like Mr Morris from Friday night dinner 🤦🏽‍♀️😂.

DM rushed to hospital on Xmas eve with stomach pains, tests showed she was actually riddled with cancer. She’d had breast cancer a few years previous but was supposedly clear. Xmas day we were told she had 3 months to live. She was let home on Boxing Day, we did ‘Christmas’ dinner when she got back knowing that this was her last one ever. She died 6 weeks later.
We were all devastated, she was far too young and the shock was hard to deal with.
Oddly enough I still love because mum had always loved Xmas and even that last one, ill as she was, she still out in her best dress and Sat at the table with everyone, pulled crackers, played games.
God I miss her.

I, too remember the late Sunday (and Christmas) dinners because our Dad would always put his drinking buddies first. I thought that was normal until I got to older primary school age, and saw that some fathers actually loved their children and wanted to do nice things with them, instead of all family activities revolving around alcohol......

However, my two worst Christmases were with my ExH. When our children were aged about 6 and 8, I went down with a really bad kidney infection, 2 days before Christmas. I went to the GP for antibiotics, he took one look and referred me to A&E - they wanted me to stay in on a drip for antibiotics. ExH told me under no circumstances was I to stay in hospital, how could he look after those children on his own? I felt so ill it was anything for a quiet life, but I signed my own discharge on the promise that if my temperature got any higher, or I developed worse symptoms, I would go back. By Christmas Day I was considerably worse, vomiting, very high temperature etc., but I had to carry on as he was sulking - he wanted sex the night before (which had put me in that situation in the first place - but that's another story). So I had to do everything, while he watched, picking fault with everything. That night he insisted I sleep on the sofa as I'd kept him awake the night before - like an idiot, I did. By Boxing Day I was delirious, my parents came round and he insisted I was putting it all on - they called the doctor out and he gave me an antibiotic injection and wanted to send me back to hospital - ExH lied and said he would look after me at home, with my parents. He sent them home that night and I just had to get on with it. I did eventually recover, but it took weeks before I felt anything like my normal self.

The following Christmas I suspected he'd been up to something for a while, but couldn't put my finger on it. He was still his usual spiteful demanding self, but had changed job and was being sent away to work at other offices. That Christmas Eve he phoned me at home and asked me to find something on his desk - he was very insistent and told me that he needed a reference number from an hotel receipt to claim his expenses. It was left plain in the middle of his desk - obviously so I could find it easily. It was from one of his 'work trips' - a room for 2 nights made out to 'Mr and Mrs'. I thought the world would cave in, I knew he was up to something but not that! Christmas day was hell - he was really playing up. like the cat that got the cream - all smarmy. I had to carve the turkey with that moron grinning at me from ear to ear - I so wanted to stab him with the carving knife! I started divorce proceedings the following year which he didn't take well, but his slapper came with lots of money and time shares - money is everything to him and his family. So that was it - Christmases are very different for me now, he poisoned my children against me so I've not seen them (or him, thankfully) in years.

The worst was definitely the year that my df died. He'd died earlier in the year - June - but nothing had been particularly right since then, unsurprisingly. Our next-door neighbours invited us to theirs for Christmas and dm was happy because the husband was a chef and promised us a special dinner. Husband and wife, it turned out, where alcoholics. Dm got shitfaced too. I don't remember the main meal or dessert, although I know they were bad, but the soup which he'd made as a starter ... oh my days. I think it was supposed to be French onion soup but all I remember is that it was brown and tasted of babies nappies. It was so awful that I started crying and then got told off for crying because "Just because your daddy is dead doesn't mean you can cry and make your mum upset."

It was an awful day and pretty much ruined Christmas for me ever since. I love reading cheesy Christmas chicklit and I love watching cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies on Channel 5 and, indeed, lots of popular Christmas movies as well. I get lost in the fantasy of what Christmas could be but hasn't been since I was a child. To be fair, I might well have grown out of Christmas anyway, but that one at the age of ten stone cold fucked it.

@Ravenesque my heart goes out to you, what an awful experience.

This is our first year without my DH the DC's much loved DD. He died suddenly earlier this year.

The DC have requested Christmas Sandwiches and lots of cheese as they were dad's favourites. So that is what we are having. There will be tears but that's okay.

@StopGo Christmas sandwiches and lots of cheese sounds lovely. I hope you and DCs manage to have a good Christmas with some smiles between the tears

I’ve read this thread from start to finish and it’s made me feel so incredibly lucky. Aside from a couple of Christmases in A&E (once my Dad and 3 (!) times my brother) I’m blessed with some lovely memories.

Here was me thinking that DP giving me chocolate out of the cupboard as a present would be a contender....

@Theyouttheresayin so sad

My selfish mother made other plans to see her boyfriends family and for some stupid reason I hadn’t arrranged to spend Xmas day with my lovely father and step family so I stuck my neck out and asked my Aunty if I could join her and her family on Xmas day. She agreed in a way that made it clear I wasn’t welcome. In fact, I don’t think any of her guests were welcome! She was in a foul mood - probably because there were too many people ( her family ) in her beautiful show home, too many shoes in her porch. Her hosting was appalling - too little food. Who serves up too little food on Xmas day?! People were passing round an M & S tray of premade mash potato and taking half a tablespoon. The saving grace was her husband kept topping me up with Jack & Coke. He’s now in prison more than likely for the rest of his life for sex crimes. Superficially charming.

Worst Christmas was definitely the one after my MIL had died. She'd only died in the October so it was still very raw for everybody. My husband, FIL and I had decided we'd sleep at FIL's house, visit MIL's grave in the morning then go to SIL 1's in time for lunch but SIL 1 decided we needed to do a "proper family Christmas" which meant staying at hers from Christmas Eve and watching her children open their presents in the morning. SIL 1's house isn't huge so SIL and BIL had all 3 of their children in their bedroom (including the 3 week old baby, named after MIL who was referred to as The Baby the whole time because otherwise people started crying every time her name was said), Husband and I got a single bed and blow up mattress in the 5 year old's room and FIL had the choice of a toddler bed or the floor of the 3 year old's room. The 5 year old woke up at 1:30am, woke the 3 year old up, crept downstairs, got excited that Santa had been and woke the whole house. Instead of taking the kids back to bed SIL and BIL let them stay up getting increasingly noisy, excited and irritated that the rest of us weren't getting up so they could open their presents. At 6:30 husband and I gave up and dutifully watched the children open all their presents in the way that lions go at a gazelle without the enjoyment that lions show. They immediately filled themselves up with sugar so were even more unmanageable, they wanted to play games but got bored or fractious quickly so when SIL, BIL and FIL went into the garden for a smoke husband and I put a DVD on and told them if they were quiet and watched it we'd give them a treat. At about 1pm SIL and BIL 2 turned up with their 3 over-excited sons who promptly wound up the other 2. BIL 2 was still drunk from the night before when he'd got up that morning, had been drinking all morning and immediately cracked into the prosecco when he arrived. He ate half his lunch, threw it all up then passed out on the sofa for the afternoon leaving heavily pregnant SIL 2 to look after their 3 children and very few comfortable places to sit.
All of the children continued to wind each other up all afternoon and there was a tantrum and tears at least every half hour until the 3 year old fell asleep halfway through a sentence and they were all put down for a nap. The following morning husband, FIL and I went back to FIL's and vowed never to do that again.

MIL having spent Christmas Day at our house , was invited to go round her daughter’s and granddaughter’s house for the following day. She announced just before leaving in our car “by the way I haven’t bought them anything for Christmas”. It was mighty embarrassing when we got there to discover that this was true - not even a single measly gift when she’d bought us all one. I felt terrible for SIL and niece, and very awkward.

Christmas is the axis on which my DM mum's world has generally turned
Its 24 hours so how?

@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag. what did the kids do for 4 hours?

what did the kids do for 4 hours?
Watched TV, played with their toys, argued over who's turn it was to hold The Baby/what to put on the telly/who got to sit on Mummy's knee/why they couldn't open their presents yet, ran up and down the stairs like a herd of stampeding wildebeest to see if we were getting up yet, cried, complained and generally made the hours feel like years.

Bought a really expensive piece of beef instead of turkey. Left it in the oven while we had a drink with our neighbours. We all got really drunk and by the time I remembered about the beef, it was charcoal! 😂

Embarrassing admissions, in this dearth of grim stories... It's yours that has struck me because of that awful feeling of being totally stuck and trapped, panicking mother on the one side who should have been your protector and rock and drunken father on the other, who should have been your protector and rock.

I can just see you sadly trudging, struggling with public transport..

The big thing is that everything has opened up so much more now, people talk and share and we learn not to repeat mindlessly the same mistakes.