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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tales of family Christmas from hell?

423 replies

HTH1 · 13/12/2020 21:39

Following on from the guests from hell thread, please tell me about your worst family Christmas from hell. Hopefully that will make me happier about it just being a v small Christmas this year (all family away or dead) and would love to hear your experiences Xmas Wink

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/12/2020 08:43

I had a 10 week old baby and because my mother insisted that I not breastfeed 'in front of' everyone, I ended up missing my Christmas lunch, sadly listening to everyone else enjoying themselves at the table. Bless DH, he sat with me too, but that just made it shit for both of us. I've never really forgiven her for that...

MsF1t · 15/12/2020 08:54

I think I was about 11. My grandmother died very suddenly, overseas on Christmas Eve and my mother was devastated, but determined to try to keep it together and soldier on. My father suffered from Bipolar and was very unwell. On the day itself, we had invited two elderly relatives who spent the whole day insulting my sister and me (about our looks and how we were dressed etc). We all kept taking turns to leave the room and cry in a cupboard. Finally, right in the middle of Christmas dinner, one of the bitches turned to my mother, tilted her head to one side and said, "D----, you really don't seem very upset about your mother dying."

That night, my father finally lost it completely and tried to kill us all in our sleep by gassing us, and was carted off to the local mental hospital for several months.

On the up side, I doubt any of us will ever have a worse Christmas Day than that...

TheWeightOfWords · 15/12/2020 09:11

@CandyLeBonBon I'm so sorry. Flowers

Bearnecessity · 15/12/2020 09:13

I spent all day looking forward to a Christmas dinner I didn't have to make I was finally presented with my feast of dreams only tothen be told my sister was on the phone who I duly went into the other room to have a quick chat with when I got back to my dinner, my dad had put it in the bin and was washing up.....looking back he was quite ill but at the time it nearly broke me...

randomer · 15/12/2020 09:22

It's only 24 hours really.Kets hope the other 364 days are better.

Allergictoironing · 15/12/2020 10:33

Not me thankfully. We always wondered why when everyone we knew put presents under the tree on the run up to Christmas, ours were always put there early Christmas morning so we woke up to seeing them there.

Then my DM told us the horrible tale of a friend of hers. Her DH had died a few days before Christmas, but as the DC were quite young she went out of her way to try to make it as good as possible for them & hide her own distress. Then they woke up Christmas morning to find they'd been burgled overnight and all the presents had been stolen from under the tree.

LippyChick · 15/12/2020 10:41

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius almost certainly not. Don’t risk exposing yourself to TOMATO SHAME. Buy extra and secrete them around the house so you can produce them at a moments notice.

The peril is real.

UndertheCedartree · 15/12/2020 10:54

My ex-DH had become mentally unwell a couple of years earlier and had recently been diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. He was in a very bad way and was taking Valium for terrible anxiety. We had been invited to his uncle's along with ex's mum and decided to walk there with our 2yr old in his buggy. It was an hour walk and the whole time my poor ex was going on about all these delusional things - someone was trying to kill him etc. while I tried to soothe him. His mum could never accept he was unwell and would just argue with him about how ridiculous his thoughts were. So it was a horrible tense atmosphere and I was terribly worried about him as well as ground down with looking after him the past 18 months and had noone I could talk to about it so it was really miserable.

Some years later ex-DH was having another psychotic episode at Christmas and was sectioned. We had planned to go and stay at my parent's for Christmas who live abroad. I decided to go ahead as planned as there was nothing I could do to help him at that point. He had a delusion that I'd cheated on him and was very angry at me and constantly trying to get me to 'confess' and was upset I was lying to him. So I went with 6yo DS and 18 month old DD. I was upset but at least had some distraction and was busy with DC. I actually remember going down to the beach for a walk one morning with DC and it being beautifully sunny and DS making a 'sand angel'. I had some peace for half an hour. The worst day, though was when we went out for lunch with some other relatives and friends of my DP. I sat next to this man who very intrusively asked where my DH was. I said he was ill so couldn't come. Further questioning as to what exactly was wrong with him. Due to the stigma around mental health I just blurted out that he had pneumonia. He made it very clear how terrible it was I'd left him when he was so unwell. I just wanted to cry! I do remember my mother, who generally wouldn't say boo to a goose, sticking up for me which was nice.

Then the past 3 years I've been in hospital at Christmas. I was discharged at the end of June so really going to enjoy this year with my DC!

Alexandernevermind · 15/12/2020 10:58

Wow, I read every single one of these. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, some made me gasp in shock. Thank you everyone for sharing, and I'll raise a glass to you all tonight.
By the way, I have tomatoes in the freezer- does that make me a terrible person? Xmas Grin

sueelleker · 15/12/2020 11:22

@Alexandernevermind

Wow, I read every single one of these. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, some made me gasp in shock. Thank you everyone for sharing, and I'll raise a glass to you all tonight. By the way, I have tomatoes in the freezer- does that make me a terrible person? Xmas Grin
Only if you plan to serve them in a salad; they'll be OK for cooking.
LippyChick · 15/12/2020 11:28

@Alexandernevermind you are a genius and you win Christmas. But have some fresh in JUST IN CASE.

Gilead · 15/12/2020 11:35

We had a Christmas away from home. This meant my grandmother couldn’t supervise and she was my protector. I spent most of that week cleaning, cooking and running around after my siblings and those of the woman we were staying with. I was fifteen. I cooked, cleaned etc. I got a pair of socks for Christmas. Absolutely nothing else. That was the las Christmas I spent with family.

SarahAndQuack · 15/12/2020 12:00

Two come to mind.

The other candidate - my DP and I invited my whole family when DD was rising two. We then had an absolutely steaming row and I seriously thought I was going to have to leave. My brother turned up and, when I asked for a bit of sympathy, started mansplaining about how effort is needed in a relationship. He then brought up the fact that our parents were physically abusive to me (which they were, and which he's always insisted was 'just normal 80s parenting' or 'just a one-off when they were cross'). So that set the tone nicely. Then my mother fell and broke her leg very badly (multiple compound fracture), so I ended up packing everything up and going down to her house to clean it and sort things out for her, while both brothers made themselves scarce in case anyone should expect them to help.

The other was the first Christmas after I left my husband. My parents didn't approve at all and, stupidly, I went home to them anyway (I'd recently moved to a city where I didn't know anyone so there were quite limited options really). My mum burst into tears on Christmas day and kept going on about how hard it was for her, I ended up doing all the cooking in her filthy kitchen, and it was generally shit. Especially because my ex, despite the issues, was and is lovely about Christmas and we always had a really nice gentle day together.

However, a lovely lady on MN (from back in the days when they still did the secret santa) sent me a gift that I think her children had made the wrapping paper for, and it was so kind and lovely. It still makes me feel very emotional. (The only thing was, I opened it on the day with family presents, and it was actually embarrassing how much nicer it was than what my family bothered to get.)

twoshedsjackson · 15/12/2020 12:43

Reading these puts my sad Christmas into perspective.....
My good friend's widowed mother was in hospital; the cancer had returned, and prognosis not good.
He had moved back in with her when she needed looking after, and, unbelievably, there was no telephone in the flat; even though it was 1980's, she'd never felt the need. So with my agreement, he gave the hospital my landline number for emergency contact, and when she was taken into hospital again, moved into my spare room so that he could be contacted more easily in an emergency.
When the phone rings at 6 o'clock on Christmas morning, you know it probably won't be good news. I had to go and fetch him (he would sleep through the Last Trumpet!) and let him chat to the hospital.
I offered to go up with him, but he said he could handle this one on his own, so there I was, at 7 o'clock in the morning, wide awake, needing something to do...... so I stood there, stuffing the bloody turkey, thinking, "Nobody's going to eat this!"........
When he returned, ashen-faced, he decided he'd better let his uncle, her brother , know the sad news, and as it was not far away from where uncle was celebrating Christmas with my friend's cousin and her boyfriend, we set off. As soon as they saw the car pull up, they guessed; they were up to speed on mum's illness.
Eventually, after a very subdued visit, we came back to my house in the late evening. To my horror, I realised that, in all the upset, I'd left the oven on - luckily, on a low setting!
And oddly, after a day of being too grief-stricken to eat (understandably, she was a lovely lady), he suddenly said, "D'you know what, I reckon I could eat some of that turkey!"
The oddest Christmas dinner I've ever had.

Listopad · 15/12/2020 13:44

Not as bad as many here, but my grandma married a vile man and he accompanied her to all family events. Christmas dinner the year that I passed my driving test he ate himself sick (because it was free!) and drank until he was insensible while throwing insults at the other guests. We had to sit and try and finish eating while listening to him on his knees retching loudly and violently in the nearby downstairs toilet while my grandma flapped with embarrassment and blamed the cream.
I was driving them back home (no drink for me the whole day) and the whole way he loudly criticised my driving, wrecking my confidence. I wish I had stopped the car and tipped him out. I dreaded family Christmases with him, he sucked the joy out of everything.

inappropriateraspberry · 15/12/2020 14:13

@twoshedsjackson

Reading these puts my sad Christmas into perspective..... My good friend's widowed mother was in hospital; the cancer had returned, and prognosis not good. He had moved back in with her when she needed looking after, and, unbelievably, there was no telephone in the flat; even though it was 1980's, she'd never felt the need. So with my agreement, he gave the hospital my landline number for emergency contact, and when she was taken into hospital again, moved into my spare room so that he could be contacted more easily in an emergency. When the phone rings at 6 o'clock on Christmas morning, you know it probably won't be good news. I had to go and fetch him (he would sleep through the Last Trumpet!) and let him chat to the hospital. I offered to go up with him, but he said he could handle this one on his own, so there I was, at 7 o'clock in the morning, wide awake, needing something to do...... so I stood there, stuffing the bloody turkey, thinking, "Nobody's going to eat this!"........ When he returned, ashen-faced, he decided he'd better let his uncle, her brother , know the sad news, and as it was not far away from where uncle was celebrating Christmas with my friend's cousin and her boyfriend, we set off. As soon as they saw the car pull up, they guessed; they were up to speed on mum's illness. Eventually, after a very subdued visit, we came back to my house in the late evening. To my horror, I realised that, in all the upset, I'd left the oven on - luckily, on a low setting! And oddly, after a day of being too grief-stricken to eat (understandably, she was a lovely lady), he suddenly said, "D'you know what, I reckon I could eat some of that turkey!" The oddest Christmas dinner I've ever had.
That sounds like a sad Christmas, but if I was your friend, I'd also be looking back at it with fondness and a smile. You did a lovely thing supporting him and it must have made the whole thing a lot easier for him.
Ilovewatermelon · 15/12/2020 17:45

Over 50 thousand comments, wow at least I'm not the only one!

Without going into too much detail, since being with my partner of 5 years and his nutty family there's always a row! I have cooked dinner past 5 years and normally everyone's too pissed or fallen out so it gets eaten seperatly when every told each other what a c*nt they are!

Needless to say I won't be cooking this year!

Yogalola · 15/12/2020 17:49

Years ago had the in laws staying for Xmas, unfortunately I had to go to bed for the duration due to a migraine and left them to cook

zucchinieggplant · 15/12/2020 17:52

DS arrived three weeks early, right before Christmas. We were discharged on Christmas morning and MIL was gasping to get her hands on him so we invited them around in the afternoon - also knowing that she was cooking Christmas lunch, in the hopes she might bring an extra plate for us.
Anyway, as usual she had invited FIL around for lunch (divorced) and SIL ended up being stuck in the middle of the two of them bickering all afternoon. FIL got drunk, then when they came round to ours proceeded to pretend to fall asleep on the sofa. MIL arrived empty handed, demanding cups of tea, and SIL close to tears from being stuck in the middle of a slagging match all day.
We didn't have any food in the house as I'd been in hospital so I had to cobble together something random from the veg box delivery that had been sat on our step for a couple of days.
A more recent one was when we decided to host everyone, and SIL announced they needed to eat at noon so they could get to another celebration in time. Cue gubbins here spending all morning stuck in the kitchen when everyone opened presents and enjoyed themselves. Couldn't even drink as I was 7 months pregnant. Icing on the cake was when SIL announced at lunch how glad she was they had cancelled going to the other party so they didn't need to rush Confused.

Whycantibeapuppy · 15/12/2020 17:57

Coming back to read them all but here’s mine.

Parents recently split up and I wanted to spend it with dad and his side of the family. Was forced to spend it with mother and hers (Christmas is all about family remember) spent Xmas day silently seething as my dad was slagged off rotten, opening presents worth about a 12th of my siblings gifts then spent the night sleeping on the floor because nobody wanted me to share a bed with them. I was only there to spite my dear dad. Merry fucking Christmas.

numberoneson · 15/12/2020 18:01

@CandyLeBonBon

This one. My brother committed suicide last week
My heartfelt sympathy. He must have been very unhappy, but now, I truly believe, he will have found peace. I'll pray for comfort for you in good memories of better times with him. I lost my beloved husband to Covid-19 in May, so will also be grieving this Christmas. Sending you love.
MazDazzle · 15/12/2020 18:02

When my DH was a teenager, his DF walked out on Christmas Day. He’d been having an affair for years, but chose Christmas Day to leave. To make matters worse, they were supposed to be setting off on Christmas morning to have their lunch with family, but they were snowed in.

My MIL is the type to defrost the freezer and completely run down the fridge if she leaves her house for any length of time, so all they had in was what she’d bought for breakfast: bacon, milk and bread.

They did get a hamper for Christmas that might have saved the day, but my FIL took it with him!

Osteomancer · 15/12/2020 18:04

@CandyLeBonBon

This one. My brother committed suicide last week
Oh Candy so very sorry for your loss, I really can't imagine what you are feeling Flowers
Allatseainthemidlands · 15/12/2020 18:05

That is priceless!!!

luap · 15/12/2020 18:11

Sounds like my family.lol
I don't do Christmas now after a divorce in late 2017 and then losing my mum in 2018.