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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DGs' bigoted views around DC

59 replies

motherxmas · 13/12/2020 13:43

Just taken DC to DG for a quick socially distanced visit - them inside and us outdoors.

The topic turned to Brexit and essentually my parents came out with yet again a load of racist and bigoted views regarding certain Europeans etc...it got quite heated and i told them in no uncertain words that i did not want these things discussed around DC. My parents' response was they are entitled to say what they like and kids need to get used to it.

We ourselves are migrants and came here thirty years ago but over the last few years my parents have effectively adopted DM as their go to newspaper.

I am not happy with a put up and shut up approach but not sure how best to manage it.....

OP posts:

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/12/2020 18:58

NB. Brexit is the most divisive political event I've witnessed in my lifetime. And I was around, albeit as a kid, at the time of the poll tax riots.

SelfIcellation · 13/12/2020 18:59

DDs step-GM says some really racist stuff. She has always followed people on the right-wing of politics, and treats people she doesn't understand as "other". For example, she refers to black people as "coloured". She also thinks "you can catch gay". I have always challenged her in front of DD as a way of explaining that referring to people different from oneself in this way is abhorrent and has no place in our society.

When a male same sex couple moved in next door we thought her head would explode.

What's weird is that her husband DD's GFis a very liberal soul. He's in his early 70s and DH remembers that everyone was welcome is their house growing up. DFiL never discriminates against anyone except w*ers, (his words). He ignores his wife's racist, homophobic attitude hoping if he gives it no attention it'll go away. No joy so far. DFiL is good mates with his neighbours. They look after each other's pets and homes if the other is away. DSMil hasn't warmed yet, apparently.

DD takes after her GF. So us challenging her SGM has worked, in a way.

Original poster

motherxmas · 13/12/2020 19:00

the other weird thing is that we are East European migrants....and it's myself and DC who come across as British (even posh) whereas my parents experienced racism directed against them, get very upset when people complain about our country (which they often do in the UK) and still sound really foreign. But have nonetheless adopted all the beliefs of the DM.

OP posts:

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/12/2020 19:00

I find that people do get more right wing as they get older.
Just no! This is a myth. Liberal equality minded people do not suddenly become racist, homophobic etc when they reach 70. They might possibly become less inhibited about saying things but that's it. Ageism is a prejudice too.

TriflePudding · 13/12/2020 19:00

I think it's good for DC to see disagreement modelled over important topics. Do you want them to grow up unable to handle differences in opinion?

I agree with this. And some of the ‘holier than thou’ attitudes on here are absolutely hilarious! Some of you really really need to get out more. Possibly to the grip shop.

christinarossetti19 · 13/12/2020 19:03

From my very similar experience with my dm, just close the conversation down as soon as it starts.

Like you, I would never bring these types of issues up with her esp with the children around, but she always brings them up with me.

I just say, "we've been over this before, we must agree to disagree" or the like and refuse to engage. Explain why to the children later on.

Original poster

motherxmas · 13/12/2020 19:04

It's also not just Brexit, it's literally the whole of the DM agenda from LGBTQI rights, gender relations, race politics, austerity, homelessness etc....basically, we've made our money and dont care about anyone else. And they live in London.

They are lovely GP other than that, but I hate taking DC around to theirs

OP posts:

Generalblah · 13/12/2020 21:01

You cannot control what your parents say but you can instil in your children your own opinions and explain that everyone differs.
People saying to cut your parents out for their views, whether they are right or wrong, are the most dramatic. They may be ignorant in your view but keeping your kids away from any views you disagree with doesn’t teach resilience or debate or differences between people and thus your children will be ignorant to the world.

You really are best off explaining why you think your parents are wrong for having such views and allow them to see why your parents are wrong rather than shielding them from a variety of views in the world. They will always come across people who think differently.

Noranorav · 13/12/2020 21:10

I think I would ask them to keep their offensive views to their selves but not go NC. 40 years ago my GPS had certain racist views and language. I was primary school age and knew it wasn't acceptable / didn't agree due to my upbringing with my parents, which I think is more influential. It wasn't an issue most of the time, and as a young kid I certainly wasn't in a position to argue, or correct my GPs - but i do remember internally disagreeing. Depending on the age of your kids might lead to discussion etc. For me it would depends on how much they have sole care/ contact etc and how extreme they are in their views.

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