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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Homemade cards Vs shop bought

27 replies

Blackhawk12 · 13/12/2020 11:13

Just for a bit of perspective.
I normally buy (pre babies) cards for all family. To both of you, mum, sister etc.
This year I just bought a pack of normal cards, wrote on those from us all and then made some cards with DD so bought card, paints etc. Posted them today, just had a phone call from MIL saying does DH know you've not bought me a mum card? (For context should be mum and Sdad anyway) I explained what we'd done this year and she said well he's never not got me a mum card (before he met me he didn't get her one at all) have I screwed up here? Should I go get a mum card?

OP posts:

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 13/12/2020 11:15

Next time just write mum with permanent marker on the front

I have done the same this year fed up of spending ££ on cards so instead got some naice charity ones but I’d really rather bot send them at all

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 13/12/2020 11:16

But obv response is your dh needs to sort cards in future

LeSangeEstDansLarbre · 13/12/2020 11:18

It depends. My MIL always buys us cards to son & dil etc, with ‘words’. It’s just what she’s always done, and she seems to value a verse. So DH reciprocates, because he knows she likes it, it costs a couple of pounds and makes her happy. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn’t care a jot if we sent her one without a personalisation, but I think it’s nice DH does something he knows she will like. What she would never do, though, is make the phone call you’ve just had! Is your MIL always this antagonistic towards you both? Does she have particular expectations about how you should behave? It seems odd to me that this would be the thing she’d choose to sour relations over.

If she’s just having a tantrum because she thinks this is a manifestation of the fact your DH doesn’t love her any more now he has you and DD, you probably have bigger issues to deal with.

Embracelife · 13/12/2020 11:18

His job then.
His problem. Pass call onto dh.

MsSquiz · 13/12/2020 11:24

Then she should call her son to ask him why he hasn't sent her a mum card, because she's his mum and not yours!

I used to also get designated mum, aunt, etc cards but I had a small family (1 gran, 1 mum, 1 aunt, 1 cousin) but DH has always chosen lovely cards without the "relation" named on the front.

I love choosing cards so now I get a mix of the 2 for everyone

lazylinguist · 13/12/2020 11:28

Obviously she is ridiculous, petty and demanding for ringing up to complain about it. I have never in my life bought specific family member cards. None of my family ever does. I'm not a fan of them at all tbh.

BethHarmon · 13/12/2020 11:35

She’s being bloody ridiculous to even mention it to you. It must be nice to have such trivial things to be worried about.

notapizzaeater · 13/12/2020 11:39

Ha ! I have a sister like this, she moans if it doesn't say sister and brother-in-law, auntie and uncle etc

Hahaha88 · 13/12/2020 11:41

Fgs I'd have told her to call her son directly if she was bothered. Jesus

OwlinaTree · 13/12/2020 11:41

We do the 'mum and dad' 'son and dil' type ones here, it's a bit of a joke/tradition.

There's still time for your DH to send her a mum card if he wants to. It's not your job as the woman to hold responsibility for the cards.

Original poster

Blackhawk12 · 13/12/2020 11:42

I know. My first thought (and husband's) was cheeky mare ringing up like that. But then a friend said her mum would be same because she loves a card and I suppose I did used to buy them so I was thinking do I go buy one but husband says no because she will never get over it now regardless and she is ungrateful. I'm not trusting myself to make decisions in my hormonal pregnant state and yes she is very much hard work and I could write a book of all the things she has done and said in the past. Just this past week she told my husband (33) he could always move back into his old bedroom while my DM is stopping to 'save our marriage' he actually likes my DM

OP posts:

KatieGGGG · 13/12/2020 11:42

Your MIL phoned you to ask does her son know you didn’t buy her a named card from him?

Cocomarine · 13/12/2020 11:43

Yes, you have screed up! How rude of you.

I can’t believe you didn’t get a “mum” card on behalf of your husband for your MIL.

Poor man, bet he’s regretting marrying you. You’re not a very good wife, are you?

FFS - why are you even asking?? 😳

KatieGGGG · 13/12/2020 11:44

Just seen your latest update OP - well you now have an excuse to never buy again

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/12/2020 11:44

She sounds like a dickhead.

Nottherealslimshady · 13/12/2020 11:47

"Does my son know you haven't bought me a card that says mum on his behalf?" why is she not talking to her son about it for a start. If he never bought her a card before then why does she think he cares?

EurosprogBauble · 13/12/2020 11:48

Does she not know who she is unless it is written on a card for her?

Sparklesocks · 13/12/2020 11:51

She can talk to him about it then if it’s woefully inadequate card choice for her. You’re not his secretary passing on messages.

Original poster

Blackhawk12 · 13/12/2020 11:53

Best thing about it is she said I thought you had sent round wrong card, I know it said mum/step dad inside but I thought you just have written on wrong card

OP posts:

Toilenstripes · 13/12/2020 11:55

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

She sounds like a dickhead.

This x 100!

JillofTrades · 13/12/2020 11:59

Wow after that I would make damn sure she never got a card from me again. Looking back on cards I received, the ones that make me feel the happiest are the personal touch ones. How rude of her.

HitthatroadJack · 13/12/2020 12:04

There was a similar thread recently. Apparently it's a "thing" for some to have requests!

First it's rude, they should be happy to have a card full stop.

If your MIL is not happy, stop sending her cards and leave your DH deal with his side of the family.

Once you have got kids, just make them scribble or put stickers on a blank card, and everyone can have their "special card". That's a good 10 years per child sorted.

rookiemere · 13/12/2020 12:07

Wow so MIL wants a shop bought card rather than one handmade by her GD. I'd let DH know and he can do whatever he wants to do and from next year on tell him that MIL is his card buying responsibility.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 13/12/2020 12:10

Why has she called you about this? Surely she should speak to her son if she has an issue.

I hate cards, birthday, Xmas, thank you, whatever they’re for I don’t like them. But MIL likes the ones that say mum, nan, sister etc. My partner usually sends this sort to her but this year he hasn’t bothered as he hasn’t been in many shops due to covid. 😬 She’ll won’t be moody yet as she’ll be thinking they’re going to arrive any day now but she won’t be happy when she realises they’re not arriving, despite us sending some lovely presents for her and FIL. We shall make a donation to a charity instead and hopefully that will be the new norm but I’ll leave it to my partner to decide, it may depend on how big her strop is. 🤪

CamelsAreMathematicians · 13/12/2020 12:24

No point getting another card OP, I can't say I've ever seen an "Ungrateful Stroppybollocks" card in Clintons or Tesco and Moonpig might get lost in the post. Wouldn't want her to have the wrong name on it again.

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