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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to offer my cheek not my lips to dp...

46 replies

MaeBee · 22/10/2007 15:30

dp has just stormed off in a huff (to shops, with DS, as arranged) because when he went to kiss me goodbye i offered my cheek not my lips. "whats wrong with you?!" he almost-shouted. "what??" i reply.
this is mid fridge-clean and i have a stinking cold and DS is teething and also has a stinking cold, and im trying to get on with the housework for the 45 minute break while they go to the shop, and sometimes i dont feel like playing the loving wife.
is it ok to not want lip lip contact without there being a major reason? or am i being mean? ("again". he would no doubt add if he was on mumsnet. which he's not. thank god.)
answers please. preferably clever ones so if he starts a row about it when he comes back i have a good retort! needs to be fairly quick cos he's off out tonight so we can't be arguing all evening....

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 22/10/2007 15:31

dp hate hate hates it when i offer cheek instaed of lips. apparently he is making an effort to be loving so the least i can do is provide my lips.

i am expected to do this no matter what i am doing

maisemor · 22/10/2007 15:35

Maybe he wants your cold??

suzywong · 22/10/2007 15:35

GFY

that usally states your case clear and simple

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos · 22/10/2007 15:39

GFY?

I would say oh sweetie I love you so much I wouldn't want to see you poorly with this cold that's all...

Or hack up green phlegm into a tissue, show it to him and then say 'wanna snog now'

ha ha ha!!!

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/10/2007 15:39

does gfy mean "get fucked you"?!

so im not being evil then?

OP posts:
Original poster
MaeBee · 22/10/2007 15:40

oh and he's spent a week ill already so he's immune to my cold no doubt. he's better now i hasten to add, as points in my favour!

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 22/10/2007 15:40

oh no you're not evil, just busy and not in the mood exactly at that time!

suzywong · 22/10/2007 15:40

something like that

MotherFunk · 22/10/2007 15:57

Message withdrawn

amytheearwaxbanisher · 22/10/2007 16:09

not even a little peck on the lips is it that much effort

HappyDaddy · 22/10/2007 16:13

If you are ok with him kissing you on the cheek, why is on the lips a problem? It's not like he'll try to shag you on the kitchen floor, is it?

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos · 22/10/2007 16:16

lol at shagging on kitchen floor!

Lorayn · 22/10/2007 16:16

I have conversations with DP about this type of thing all the time, he is incredibly touchy feely and I'm not, which I sometimes have to explain to him, it's not that I don't love him, it's just the way I am.

I don't think my dp say anything about the kiss unless he already had something on his mind, could that be what it is with yours maybe???

doggiesayswoof · 22/10/2007 16:23

YANBU - he is overreacing a tad - but...
is he feeling a bit neglected generally? I'm not pointing the finger at you at all, but your OP sounds like you have lots on your plate and maybe he's feeling a bit low on the priority list? ie there is maybe a bit more to this.

Why do you feel you would be "playing" the loving wife?

Personally I wouldn't offer my cheek b/c I would feel like my mum, but I would reserve the right to do so without being shouted at IYSWIM.

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/10/2007 16:23

well it does seem controversial!
i guess when im ill or overworked i don't want someone else to look after, MORE responsibilities, and yep, even a dutiful kiss on the lips can seem like an effort to far.
kissing IS important...which is why sometimes i don't want to do it.
but conversely would probably feel rejected if he turned away from me!

OP posts:
doggiesayswoof · 22/10/2007 16:25

he is overreacting I meant

doggiesayswoof · 22/10/2007 16:26

Yeah, I was just thinking that. If dh offered his cheek to me I'd probably be a bit hurt.

lizziemun · 22/10/2007 17:01

YANBU

If he says anything when he comes back. Tell you will kiss him on the lips, but if he comes down your cold he still has to do all his normal things. No lying on the sofa moanong and groaning and NO SNIFFING

bubblagirl · 22/10/2007 17:06

i used to do this and found we lost closeness he stopped approaching me in fear of being rejected now i make an effort no matter what we always kiss on lips and we are loving again and he has changed his ways towards me

we dont mean to be mean when we do this but men do find it hurtful they can be just as insecure bless em

but now i know that i love to kiss my man i like the closeness it has bought back no matter what we always make time for a kiss and a cuddle now after all were not just mum's and dad's lol we are lovers

bubblagirl · 22/10/2007 17:07

but understandable if full of cold and snotty but at least your man feels attracted to you like this after all if your man rejected your kiss would you feel bit hurt as i know i would

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/10/2007 19:10

we made up! full snog before him going out to the cinema this evening!

OP posts:
clumsymum · 22/10/2007 19:18

I remember when dh was in hospital years ago, and I kept kissing him on the forehead when I arrived and left (wasn't a concious thing,just seemed like a caring thing to do, stroke his cheek and kiss his forehead).

After a few days, when he was feeling better, as I leaned over to kiss him goddbye, he said "why don't you kiss me properly", grabbed me and gave me a huge snog.

They discharged him next day.

scorpio1 · 22/10/2007 19:18

snog is good

talulasmum · 22/10/2007 20:24

i probably stopped kissing my dh goodbye, about 10 years ago. i think a cheek is perfectly reasonable. almost too reasonable, esp if cleaning the fridge.

lovecat · 22/10/2007 20:30

DH does this to me if he's got a cold and it drives me mad - I want a proper married couple kiss from my husband, not some Auntie Mabel duty kiss! So imho, YABU.