Ex having presents delivered to my house

[copernicium]

AIBU to be annoyed, or should I just be glad DC are getting presents...

Non-existent parenting relationship with abusive ex. We can just about have a couple of civil text conversations a year if necessary. DD hasn't seen him for a few years and he'll perhaps text her once or twice a year.

He's messaged this week asking what she wants for Christmas. I've struggled myself with ideas but I've been pleasant and sent him some links of things she may like. I've just checked which he's ordered so I know what not to buy...

"Yes I've ordered xyz. They'll be delivered to you this week, so you can wrap them for me and I don't need to carry them over then."

Ohhh can I now?

Better than him turning up at the door though surely?

He collects DS after Boxing Day and usually passes them on then.

It’s the “you can wrap them” that would piss me off... Having them delivered wouldn’t bother me, at least you’d know that they’re getting presents then.

Yes! I work 50 hours a week. He works part time, has been off most of the year, and parents one of the DC for less than 36 hours a month. But sure, I'll wrap your presents!

“I won’t have time to wrap extra presents sorry, send them gift wrapped.”

@Soundbyte

“I won’t have time to wrap extra presents sorry, send them gift wrapped.”

This!

He told me after he had ordered them. Not checking if it was convenient or I minded or anything!

Just reply and say, I’ll leave them in the boxes as I don’t have time to wrap any more presents, let me know when you want to collect them!

I would wilfully misunderstand that he's already ordered them, and still send that message. Then when he comes back with "Well they're already ordered" I'd reply along the lines of "Oh dear. Well, as I said, I won't have time to wrap them. Let me know how you'd like to handle it" and leave the ball in his court.

He literally sees DD once a year, to hand over her presents. And now he doesn't even want the effort of that

I'd drop them at his

Oh I like the dropping at his idea! He'll just tell me what's happening in a text but if I take them to him 🤔🤣

Why does he see your DS and not your DD? I wouldn't allow that. It's both or none.

It doesn't take long to wrap a present. I'd do that rather than see him anyday.

We’ve had the same from the in laws and it’s really annoying. They’ve sent massive big presents that are taking up room in our hallway and that also need unboxing and wrapping (along with a tip run to dispose of all the cardboard they’ve arrived in!) If they’d just asked in advance I would have said fine but send something small.

I would probably have agreed if he'd have asked me. But it's the telling, the assuming, it's the inconvenience of the one thing a year he does for his DD. Firstly, he didn't have to think, as I gave him the ideas; secondly he didn't have to do, as he's told me to. And presents are a faff, let's be honest.

@liveitwell

Why does he see your DS and not your DD? I wouldn't allow that. It's both or none.

It doesn't take long to wrap a present. I'd do that rather than see him anyday.

Maybe DD knows he's an arse is less bothered about seeing him.

To OP yes tell him to have the orders gift wrapped. Even if he has orders already he can contact the suppliers, wrap them himself, or just have them not wrapped. None of it is your problem.

It's annoying but for DD sake could you stick them in one of those big christmas sacks or gift bags. No wrapping needed, DD gets something that looks more festive and you dont have to engage with your knob-ex or let him know he's rattled you.

It would be a shame if they were to arrive whilst you are at work and be sent to the post office right?

Then HE would have to go and pick them up cos you need ID to do it.

@copernicium

Oh I like the dropping at his idea! He'll just tell me what's happening in a text but if I take them to him 🤔🤣

Refuse them. Your daughter doesn't need that

Hi ex - just wondering what day the wrapping paper is arriving to wrap the gifts?

I wouldn't go to the effort if taking them to his house but would want to make the point that I wasn't his skivvy. Maybe a message saying
I don't have the time or stuff to wrap extra presents but if you want to arrange for some gift bags to be delivered, I will put the gifts in them.

Gift bag idea is probably the path of least resistance. I shall remain annoyed with every delivery though, but yes, not let him know he's annoyed me.

Oh yes @Bubblebox your version of gift bags is even better!

Why wrap them?

Either put them in a gift bag, or hide it and give it to your child at an appropriate time saying "Your dad sent you this".

"Yes I've ordered xyz. They'll be delivered to you this week, so you can wrap them for me and I don't need to carry them over then."

Yeah that would piss me off too. He wants a favour from you so he should be asking nicely not basically giving you orders. Cheeky bastard. Mind you, you said he’s abusive so barking orders at you is probably perfectly normal and reasonable behaviour to him.