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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this online harassment?

49 replies

FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:00

Good Morning all!

Well, at the grand old age of 33 I definitely didn’t think I would be writing about petty things like social media..but here we are!

So my Facebook page is public. This is because I’m in acting (very amateurish no big tv roles landed yet lol) but I have it on public so people can see links to my casting videos etc. I also am one of those very annoying people who do status updates constantly, but to be honest it made my feel a bit better during lockdown so that’s why I do it.
I also have a YouTube channel and I am part of a local drama group.

Recently, I have been receiving messages from a fake Facebook account: no friends in common, no photos everything is set to private, basically messaging me every time I post a status and ripping it apart in someway, calling it stupid etc.
None of these messages are threatening, or say that they want to come and hurt me..they are mainly about my statuses and how my mental health must be bad if I’m bored enough to post everyday.
I haven’t responded to this person, no have I blocked them I have just ignored them.

I have also recently had comments on my YouTube saying how I can’t act etc and an email was sent to my dramatic group saying how none of us could act.

It could be the same person, I don’t know. I know having a YouTube channel everyone gets mean comments etc.

Do you think any of this is bad enough to take to the police? I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. Do you think they will ask why I haven’t blocked them?

Thanks for any guidance!

OP posts:
Wildthingsx · 12/12/2020 10:11

The police will ask why you haven’t blocked them. Keep blocking and do not engage.

Whoever this is is obviously someone who is keenly jealous or insecure about how well you are doing and your confidence, so they are attacking it to get you to stop.

I wouldn’t say it’s a police matter yet but of course if they do make threats then call them immediately.

I hope your acting career shoots off and whoever this is gets a nice slice of humble pie !

emilyfrost · 12/12/2020 10:14

It’s not a police matter. Just block and move on.

OrigamiOwl · 12/12/2020 10:16

@Wildthingsx

The police will ask why you haven’t blocked them. Keep blocking and do not engage.

Whoever this is is obviously someone who is keenly jealous or insecure about how well you are doing and your confidence, so they are attacking it to get you to stop.

I wouldn’t say it’s a police matter yet but of course if they do make threats then call them immediately.

I hope your acting career shoots off and whoever this is gets a nice slice of humble pie !

Exactly this. Keep blocking the person.
Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:20

@Wildthingsx thank you for your kind words! I won’t be on eastenders anytime soon but it’s just a hobby! Yes the messages in themselves contain no threats. They are bitchy, always in relation to whatever I have posted that day

@emilyfrost yes that’s what I think. I also think if I did take the police route they would question why I have chosen to still look at messages. My concern was that it was the YouTube comments and now the email to my club as well but again within the context of any of the messages/comments it’s nothing like they want to hurt me in anyway. I just didn’t know if police would take seriously if I went to them as I know worse things happen online

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:21

@OrigamiOwl thank you!

OP posts:
Simplyunacceptable · 12/12/2020 10:22

Yeah just keep blocking. It’s sadly a downside to having a public page.

Gardeniaofdelights · 12/12/2020 10:23

Why haven’t you blocked them? Surely that’s the most simple solution?

I expect that’s what the police would advise you do in the first instance anyway.

Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:30

@Simplyunacceptable I know, if I didn’t have links to my acting for casting purposes I think I would make my page private!

@Gardeniaofdelights this has been going on for months..but when it started the original message went into message requests because we aren’t friends at all and nothing in common so I didn’t see for a wee while and then when I saw I just pressed ignore. So the messages do come through, they are just set to ignore if that makes sense

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 12/12/2020 10:30

Block them and make sure you turn on post approval so they can't do it publicly without your knowledge

Gobbycop · 12/12/2020 10:32

If you're putting yourself 'out there' expect a percentage of people to be assholes.

Don't bother police with this.

Hayeahnobut · 12/12/2020 10:33

Harassment is a police matter, there is legislation specifically on malicious communication. However, they would expect you to report the sender to Facebook, and to block the sender. If the issue then continues, for instance if they open multiple accounts to continue harassing you, you should report it. There's probably little they can do, but do keep a record of the messages in case it escalates.

Is there anybody that left your group under acrimonious circumstances?

Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:39

@slipperywhensparticus apologies should have said this - on my Facebook this didn’t happen publicly on my page, they messaged me. On YouTube I will adjust my comments section Smile

@Gobbycop yes I didn’t want to call 101 unless I thought it was something the police could do something about..I’m sure they get lots of online complaints etc. I wonder if they have to look at every single one!

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:43

@Hayeahnobut hi, from the very little research I’ve done you’re right I did see something about malicious communication..but isn’t that only if the messages pose some sort of threat?
This may have been the second account to do this to me on Facebook, the first being from last year but they went away quite quickly and I don’t know if this person is the same person. It’s a totally fake Facebook I know that much. So blocking is really the best thing to do? I also read a post from someone who was in a similar (with it being online) position and they said when they went to the police they couldn’t really do anything because they had left the channels of communication open ie they hadn’t blocked the idiot!

OP posts:
ElizaLaLa · 12/12/2020 10:48

I think it's someone you know that's made a fake profile to do this.

Can you think back to when it started? Were there any incidents with anyone? Had someone new come on the scene, a bil's gf or someone like that? Did you make friends with a man and his gf/wife could be jealous?

Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:54

@ElizaLaLa I have honestly tried so hard to think and I can’t think of anyone! It all started just before we went into first lockdown, the messages vary from being daily, (so if I had posted that day guaranteed I’d get some sort of message slating my post in some way)! To going weeks without hearing anything at all. And if they do message, it’s just the one for that day.
My life is pretty drama free (touch wood) so I really can’t think of anything whatsoever!

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 10:56

@ElizaLaLa an example would be me posting that I was so happy I get to see my sister after not seeing her for two months and the person messaging me saying ‘stop pretending your life is perfect’!

OP posts:
HaveeeeYouMetTed · 12/12/2020 11:00

Please don't bother the police with this.
This is why social media has a block function. Use it.

Rainbowshine · 12/12/2020 11:00

You can report users to Facebook and YouTube although the effectiveness is variable. Block and think about whether you really need to have the settings as public or open as you have currently.

Aahotep · 12/12/2020 11:00

I would advise that you set up a personal page where you have all the settings private and a professional page with casting stuff.
And block and report each and every time.

Barmyfarmy · 12/12/2020 11:00

Block and move on. If you're seriously hoping to become a famous actor you're going to be dealing with much more than that!

ElizaLaLa · 12/12/2020 11:02

Then I'd block and see if they make another account.

Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 11:03

@HaveeeeYouMetTed I know, I was just wondering if it constituted being a police matter even though there have been no threats, I definitely don’t want to waste police time or anything like that!

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyTowels7 · 12/12/2020 11:04

@Rainbowshine good idea, the only reason my page is public is because of my links to casting videos otherwise I’d definitely make it much more private

OP posts:
MotherExtraordinaire · 12/12/2020 11:57

I think that if you have your life wide open like this, then you can only expect a certain amount of unwanted comments/attention.
Not right, but part and parcel of sharing is everything.
I'm not sure that I see any tangible link with your acting hobby and sharing information about your personal life. The lines are blurred and I'd differentiate between the two and use separate mediums for family and private life.

NekoShiro · 12/12/2020 12:07

No this isn't a police matter. Even if they were threatening to come kill you the police would just log it and say to block them, there's not much they can actually do. Why don't you want to block the account? Block them and then when they make a new account block them again, delete the YouTube comments, they'll get bored of having to make new accounts eventually, it's a sad part of online life.