Secret FaceTime calls with MIL

[Dopeyduck]

I’m probably being unreasonable here but I just find the situation odd.

I’m going to call my DP’s mother by MIL, we’re not married but to keep it easy to follow / type.

Following making an arrangement to see MIL for a walk outside DP remarked that DS (1) ‘probably won’t remember her’ so I said ‘he definitely won’t remember her, he hasn’t seen her since the day we brought him home from hospital as a newborn’.

DP then says oh but he’s seen her on FaceTime. This shocked me as she has never ever called or spoken with DS. I questioned DP and it turns out that he’s FaceTimed her ‘a couple or a few times whilst I’ve been out and he’s looking after DS’

I find this odd as he has always done it when I’m out and hasn’t ever mentioned it. I don’t have any issues with them FaceTiming or DS being involved etc just feels strange to have kept it from me. It’s normally the sort of thing we would mention.

Is this odd?

It wouldn't occur to me that I should be told about the conversations. It's a perfectly normal thing to do. He probably did it once when he was on his own with your DC, it worked out nicely, so it became part of his routines when he was doing the parenting alone.

Totally normal, totally understandable that it didn't occur to him to mention it. He calls his mum. No big deal.

My DH WhatsApp video calls his parents with the children. It’s such a non-event he wouldn’t mention it, it doesn’t mean it’s a secret. If you follow the logic that everything he does when you’re out that he doesn’t then inform you about becomes a “secret”, I bet he’s doing all sorts of secret things like secretly getting dressed or secretly taking a shower or secretly going to the toilet...

Nah that’s not strange. My husband does it all the time - and I do it all the time with the kids. Separate parents - separate phone calls. Normal,

[quote Dopeyduck]@MrsRogerLima controlling? Wow. I know mumsnet is sceptical of everything but this is a little far.[/quote]
Agreed, that’s a little far

I don't think it's weird at all. DH talks to his mum all the time with the kids and I'm completely oblivious.

I honestly don’t think it’s weird at all, my DH has FaceTimed his parents loads of times and I may only hear about it from the kids if they are telling me about it but I wouldn’t even think twice about him not telling me, it’s just a phone call, I’ve even FaceTimed his mum so the kids could see her and not thought to mention it, it might come up eventually as it did in your conversation but it’s really not a big deal.

I’m probably being unreasonable here

You absolutely are

but I just find the situation odd.

It isn't. Not remotely.

Seriously, you do sound a bit controlling. You seem to think that you should know everything he does when you're out (even if it only involves his own family). Do you not trust him?

I might have said ‘Oh really? You never mentioned it’, but it wouldn’t have been a big issue. I certainly wouldn’t be on Mumsnet wailing ‘But why the secrecy?’

I can't understand these responses at all.

I often don't think to mention speaking to family but if my DP says "how was your walk?" I can't imagine not saying "xxxx and we chatted to mum on the way round" at least once. Never, literally not once, adding that in is weird to me.

I would think it more odd if he felt the need to tell you.
Didn’t you think it a little strange that your Mil never asked for a photo or video of her grandchild?

I can't see anything odd or secretiveabout this at all. He face timed his Mum when you were out which kept the child amused for a short time and was nice for his Mum too. Unless something particularly interesting was said why would he even think to mention it. I don't report every phone call I make to my husband, why would he be interested?

I do think it's a bit odd that it's never come up in conversation at all. Surely the first FaceTime was at least noteworthy enough for DP to say 'oh by the way I FaceTimed Mum today with DS, she was thrilled to be able to see him' or some such mention of it.

DP speaks to his family by phone or FaceTime all the time (meanwhile for me it's once in a blue moon). Obviously he doesn't tell me each and every time but sometimes it'll be 'Oh DSis called earlier, she told me DNiece did [insert funny anecdote] ' or 'Spoke to Mum while you were out, she sends her love'.

I don't think you're mad or controlling OP.