Just about had enough of DH

[hadenoughbleurgh]

I don't know if it's me being over sensitive or him just being a dick basically.
Have DS1 and DS2 home, both in self isolation due to being exposed to Covid- no symptoms but we have been stuck in for the last week. DH works so I literally haven't been out in a week as there is no one else to have the kids. In the evenings I study, think post graduate professional exam. I have an exam on Monday which I have been studying for all week.
Things have been tough as I have been trying to home school, keep on top of the house/washing/cooking etc, keep the kids entertained and study as well.
A few things have pissed me off with DH over the last couple of days.
Example 1: I mentioned that I was thinking of popping out on Monday with my mum, as DH has a day off. It would be nice if he could watch the kids so I could go out and get the last of the Christmas bits and shopping in. He went funny, he clearly didn't want me to go, gave me a funny look before questioning exactly what I needed to get in. When I said as much he then got defensive and tried to say it was me being sensitive.
Today, I spoke to him on the phone whilst he was at work, said I was feeling really stressed about my exam and everything else. Fast forward he comes home, kids are washed, fed and house is clean and tidy. His dinner is in the oven (I'm not eating I just don't feel like it) and the first thing he said when he steps through the door is 'hi big tits.' Honestly, it just made me feel like absolute shit, I just wanted him to give me a hug, or make me a cup of tea or just say or do something kind. I just feel he has been showing such selfish behaviour the last few days- spending over £100 on himself this close to Christmas etc, I have honestly had enough. I'm trapped in this situation as I couldn't finish my professional course without him being here for the kids and I am 6 months away from being qualified after 6 years of study. Just feel so fed up, not sure if it's him or everything else. Sorry for the long rambling post.

Just made him a cup of tea and he said 'thank you' in a sort of shitty tone. I just sat down and he said, 'ignore me then' to which I said, what is there to say?? I just made you a cup of tea, and now he's sitting there not drinking it- honestly just feel like crying

Fast forward he comes home, kids are washed, fed and house is clean and tidy. His dinner is in the oven (I'm not eating I just don't feel like it) and the first thing he said when he steps through the door is 'hi big tits.'

What in the hell am I reading... Hi big tits?? That is fucking horrible, op. Demeaning and disgusting. I'm sure someone will come along to tell you you're being too sensitive and that it's "funny", but you're not being sensitive and it's not fucking funny. It's awful.

Why aren't you telling him how out of line he is?

@Aquamarine1029 honestly it just made me crumple inside. I felt just so worthless and low when he said that. I think I just felt like it summed up what he thought of me. But he will just say I am being sensitive.

Because I can't cope with a row right now. My kids are upstairs, one has sen and can't take the shouting. I have my exam, I can't afford to lose any time on having a row with him right now, and he knows it. If he leaves, I'm stuffed as I'm relying on his help- financial and with the kids- to finish my qualification.

Don't allow him to control what you say to him, op. He's gaslighting you. Tell him now you never want to hear that shit again.

the first thing he said when he steps through the door is 'hi big tits.'

How horrible. .

Only another six months until you qualify, you say? Congratulations on that when it comes. .

Six months... keep your head, you’re nearly home and dry. He sounds an absolute knob. So many of them are, alas.

Honestly it depends, I call my husband silly names and it means nothing, so this says more about your relationship. So if you love him and this is a recent change face up and gave it out. Tell him he is an idiot, give home chance to change. If it’s just you waking up to long term shit, Bide your time/get those ducks ready It’s 6 months, you can get your qualification then leave. You have options op, once you accept this, life will get better

I agree with @Bronzino. Grey rock him for the next six months and make a plan to get out of there.

You need to keep your mind on six months' time. Work out how many days it is until you can leave him, then every time he says something horrible just think of that number. You'll get through it. It wouldn't surprise me if he's just trying to sabotage your work at this point.

“Hi big tits”??? WTAF? You need to tell him how disrespectful that is and if he doesn’t have anything nice to say to shut his mouth? He sounds like a complete cretin.

Yep time to make a plan.

I’d have replied “hello knobhead” to his “big tits”, cos that’s what he sounds like, a selfish knobhead.

Ur not being sensitive. Your husband is an arse. I asked my husband what he thought. He said your husband is being an arse xxxxx

That made my stomach turn. He calls you cringe names and wont have the kids so you can leave the house? Sounds like you're trapped
It also sounds like you are a very intelligent and dedicated person with your studies and career, and I understand you'll need to stay for 6 months. So write down how you feel now, and put it in your bedside table
Read it every night. Also write how you want your life to be, and read that.

I hope you get out of there, I really do. You deserve better, and so do your children.

Yes I have just 6 months left- I finish the end of May 2021, when I finish I will have studied 7 years for this and I can't let it all go to waste now. Most people don't realise what he is like, they think he is charming and supportive. The truth is throughout these 7 years I have worked, cared for the kids, one with significant SEN and studied full time. Iv also taken care of the house, done all the cleaning, cooking etc. I don't even mind if I just feel appreciated, but I just felt so utterly awful when he said that to me. He isn't talking to me now, which is okay, I can take that. If he had of even said the remark to me whilst we were having a laugh, or in a different context it wouldn't have been so bad. It was just because it was the first thing he said to me when he knew I was so stressed and anxious. Thanks everyone for your comments.

That’s awful. I’m sorry, have a virtual hug from me

He’s an inconsiderate scumbag. You deserve better.

It sounds to me like you are super-stressed about your course, the universe and everything. Cut him some slack, and if he says something you don't like, try to explain it calmly without refusing to engage and then wondering why you feel so unloved.

@MusicTeacherSussex thank you, I think I needed to hear that. Thank you

'Hello, tiny todger' is the ONLY acceptable response here.

And yes, head down, grey rock. Hug your secret plans to yourself and feel a warm glow of control. His smug face won't know what's hit it.

And please, please come back and let us know how your exams went. We'll all be cheering you on.

Next time reply 'hi small cock'....see if that gets a reaction

@SRS29 xpost!! Great minds eh?

I, not sure I understand the context though. Do you have the sort of relationship where you call each other silly names and this was just the wrong time, or was it completely out of character for him?

'What's up, little dick', would have been my response. And I hope that's the last cup of tea you ever make for the nasty sod.

You're right, you cannot afford the time to have the row. Try and empty your head, and study and succeed your way out of this relationship.

Do what you feel you need to do, what you can do, in terms of housework, etc, and don't try to 'earn' his appreciation, because he sounds like a toxic void.

@Fortunefavours1 thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. I am so far on track for a good grade, and I just don't want to mess it up now.

@MrsGrindah no we don't really have that sort of relationship to be honest. Very occasionally one of us might say something similar, but it would be in completely different circumstances such as if we were in bed or away for the weekend. Certainly not when someone is stressed and tense. He didn't say it to me in a way of endearment, it wasn't met like that. I could tell straight away from his face.

@Sexnotgender thank you so much