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Original poster

Mum moved in, uproot toddler?!

47 replies

Blackhawk12 · 10/12/2020 22:23

This is not a post slating anyone.
My mum has split up with her boyfriend and has moved in with us until her house is ready. We are waiting to move house but will definitely be in January now. Only have 2 bedrooms, master and toddlers (18mo). When she's stopped overnight in the past she has bunked in with me whilst DH slept on sofa but I don't think this is a healthy thing longer term. So here options are air bed or sofa. She has suggested putting a single bed in toddler room and sharing with her and as much as I want mum to be comfortable I'm really weary that it's going to mess up toddler sleeping and I'll be the one up all night heavily pregnant trying to get her back to sleep. It's a shame it's happened now as were due to love into a 3 bed so she could have had spare room until her house was ready. What would you do? Should I risk it and put her in with toddler? Info - toddler goes to bed at around 7. Mum (not the quietest woman ever) would go in around 10ish.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 10/12/2020 22:35

Sofa, her bedtime does not coincide with toddler bedtime so them sharing a room is not appropriate.

Toastina · 10/12/2020 22:37

Sofa

user1493494961 · 10/12/2020 22:38

I also think she should have the sofa.

balzamico · 10/12/2020 22:39

Either sofa or she deals with toddler- wouldn't that work?

Screwcorona · 10/12/2020 22:41

Sofa or airbed

YellowEllis · 10/12/2020 22:44

@balzamico

Either sofa or she deals with toddler- wouldn't that work?
Regardless of who deals with them it's not really fair on the toddler to be woken up and put out of routine. Definitely sofa OP
SnackSizeRaisin · 10/12/2020 22:47

You could let her try Sharing with toddler for a couple of nights to see if it would work. That wouldn't mess up toddler sleep in the long term even if it wakes her up at 10pm. Unless you think it would be too hard to get her out again.

DeRigueurMortis · 10/12/2020 22:52

In your situation I'd be inclined to put the toddler in my bedroom and give your mum the other room (I'd just move their mattress on the floor for them to sleep on).

The reason being it would drive me mad that the living space was dominated by DM eg if she wants an early night do you all have to go to bed? Where would she store her clothes etc? I'd also want a degree of privacy for me/DH by giving DM a space to retreat to.

If the toddler is your room it's easier to work out how you and DH can be quiet going to bed and keep toddler in a routine (night lights, getting pj's on before DS goes to bed and clothes out ready for the morning.

todayIdrankmilk · 10/12/2020 23:00

Sofa/ sofa bed. I had to share a bedroom with toddler dd once- never again

Tossing , turning , coughing, throwing toys, talking in her sleep etc toddlers are not peaceful sleepers!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2020 23:03

She really can't be quiet enough to get into the baby's room without waking them up? Confused

lanthanum · 10/12/2020 23:04

As SnackSize says, her sharing with the toddler might work - depends on how quiet she can be and how well the toddler sleeps. How would she feel about getting into pjs when toddler goes to bed so she can slip in easily later? (Many siblings share easily with that system; usually the younger one does not wake when the older one goes in.)

I agree with DeRigeur too - privacy might be easier if your mum has some space, so toddler in your room might be better than mum in the living room.

INeedNewShoes · 10/12/2020 23:21

I slept on a mattress on the floor in my niece's room for a couple of months when she was 3. She and I were close and I would never have done anything that risked waking her up though. I would get ready for bed in the bathroom and then just creep in, get into 'bed' and go straight to sleep - never turn the light on etc. It meant I was there to put her back into bed when she was hanging half out of it which seemed to happen a lot!

My SIL was heavily pregnant. Now that I'm a parent myself I look back in horror at me outstaying my welcome and think my SIL was an absolute saint to have me staying in this situation!

FinallyFluid · 10/12/2020 23:21

Sofa

It needs to feel transient, it really does.

Alexandernevermind · 10/12/2020 23:25

Premier Inn - you are struggling for space and can't live like that for a month!

Barmyfarmy · 10/12/2020 23:37

Sofa or maybe single bed in living room? It'd be tight quarters but maybe better for all of you? Or as PPs have said, put toddler in with you and MIL in toddler room.

AlwaysLatte · 11/12/2020 00:11

I hate it when people are sleeping in the living room, it's so disruptive.... I'd put the toddler in my bedroom and let DM have the toddler's room, especially since it's temporary.

GlowingOrb · 11/12/2020 03:21

I’d want her out of the living room. So bed in toddlers room or put toddler in your room.

mdinbc · 11/12/2020 03:38

I think mum can sleep with toddler. She should have the common sense to be quiet about going to bed and not wake toddler. Also little ones are usually quite heavy sleepers so won't notice gran coming in. perhaps give mum a night light near the mattress so she doesn't have to turn on the main light when she goes to bed.

I would much rather that than having to vacate the sofa and tv early so mum can have the living room. Then the whole family would have to sneak around in the morning if mum was still sleeping.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 11/12/2020 03:39

For that length of time, I'd avoid the living room if possible
Try either Mother with toddler, move toddler into your room if it isn't working.

HikeForward · 11/12/2020 07:01

I’m guessing the sofa is in the lounge so she’d have no privacy?

I’d let her sleep in toddler’s room, under the condition that if she wakes toddler she settles her. Make it clear you’re not getting up! Toddler may actually sleep better with granny in her room (mine did, when my mum stayed! My mum settled her if she woke, got up with her in the mornings etc. I think DD found it reassuring to have another adult in her room. We were in a 2-bed at the time, DD’s room had a cot and a single bed. I wouldn’t dream of making my mum sleep in the lounge, she’s a private person and would be mortified if DH saw her asleep. Plus lounge was open plan with the kitchen so he’d walk through at 6am every day to get to the kettle/toaster then back and forth to get ready for work!

user1493413286 · 11/12/2020 07:03

I would try her in the toddlers room although my DD once asleep isn’t woken easily

KatherineJaneway · 11/12/2020 07:05

Toddler in my room, Mum would have the toddler's room.

Hellotheresweet · 11/12/2020 07:06

Trial.

If she proves she can be quiet and doesn’t ilia to toddler - win win

If there’s disruption - sofa and she will surely accept it without fuss

IndecentFeminist · 11/12/2020 07:06

Toddler in with you, mum has room

Hellotheresweet · 11/12/2020 07:06

Oh actually no. I would not have my mum on the sofa.

Toddler in with me and mum in toddler room

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