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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum moved in, uproot toddler?!

47 replies

Blackhawk12 · 10/12/2020 22:23

This is not a post slating anyone.
My mum has split up with her boyfriend and has moved in with us until her house is ready. We are waiting to move house but will definitely be in January now. Only have 2 bedrooms, master and toddlers (18mo). When she's stopped overnight in the past she has bunked in with me whilst DH slept on sofa but I don't think this is a healthy thing longer term. So here options are air bed or sofa. She has suggested putting a single bed in toddler room and sharing with her and as much as I want mum to be comfortable I'm really weary that it's going to mess up toddler sleeping and I'll be the one up all night heavily pregnant trying to get her back to sleep. It's a shame it's happened now as were due to love into a 3 bed so she could have had spare room until her house was ready. What would you do? Should I risk it and put her in with toddler? Info - toddler goes to bed at around 7. Mum (not the quietest woman ever) would go in around 10ish.

OP posts:

bobbiester · 11/12/2020 07:08

Hotel

Clymene · 11/12/2020 07:09

Really, you can't trust your mother not to wake up your toddler when she goes to bed?

Lougle · 11/12/2020 07:18

I'd not see my mother sleep in the lounge if there is a room that can be used. I'd move my toddler into our room and give her the other room. She's 18 months, not 4 years old. She's a baby.

Keratinsmooth · 11/12/2020 07:24

I don’t think I would put toddler in with me because I would struggle to get her into her own room again after

vanillandhoney · 11/12/2020 07:27

I wouldn't have my mother sleeping on a sofa if there was a bedroom available.

iano · 11/12/2020 07:37

Our toddler is in our room as we're doing some work. He doesn't wake up when we go to bed. Just try it...

Tumbleweed101 · 11/12/2020 07:44

My toddlers would have loved sharing with my mum. Mum would have dealt with the toddlers too if they woke up.

SpudsandGravy · 11/12/2020 09:19

I regularly go over to stay with elderly relative, and a couple of weeks ago I bought an air bed from Amazon for £60. It's absolutely brilliant. I'd say get one of those and put it downstairs in the sitting room.

They only take 90 seconds to inflate and deflate, btw, as they incorporate an electric pump, so easy to take down and put away during the day.

FPS123 · 11/12/2020 09:23

I’d put toddler in my room and mum in toddler’s room. I wouldn’t want to be creeping round mum in the living room.

Sprig1 · 11/12/2020 09:27

Can the toddler go in with you?

Plonque · 11/12/2020 09:30

@Clymene

Really, you can't trust your mother not to wake up your toddler when she goes to bed?

IME, any movement in dc rooms caused waking up. If they're used to a quiet room even having someone turning over in bed nearby and all the rustling etc is quite enough to cause sleep disruption.

Sofa, OP. If nothing else you don't want visitors to get too comfortable! I know she's your mum but you also don't want her staying a moment longer than needed in your situation, I'm guessing. Even you don't think so - I bet your partner does.

Ilovesugar · 11/12/2020 09:43

Why not try mum in with toddler but make it clear that if it affects their sleep you need a plan b. No harm in trying as long as you are clear with the expectations of what will happen if it affects their sleep

Moo678 · 11/12/2020 13:35

I went into my 2.5 yr olds room last night to check she wasn't cold. I opened the door which creaked loudly, put a blanket over her, accidentally shone the torch on my phone in her face and then kicked a plastic toy across the floor before standing on the squeaky floorboard and closing the creaky door again. She didn't stir. I would try her sleeping in the toddler room - I honestly think it's pretty hard to wake them up once they are asleep and surely she can do the early mornings as a thank you for having her to stay!

Original poster

Blackhawk12 · 11/12/2020 13:54

@SpudsandGravy

They only take 90 seconds to inflate and deflate, btw, as they incorporate an electric pump, so easy to take down and put away during the day.

Hey, yeah that's what we've currently done

I agree they're brilliant. Very mixed answers. Think I'm going to see how we get on, I've cleared a wardrobe for her and if she doesn't get on with airbed/sofa or wants to try sleeping in same room as toddler then we'll attempt it. Definitely not having toddler in our room we wake each other up constantly, tried it when on holiday, horrendous! Thanks all

OP posts:

Original poster

Blackhawk12 · 11/12/2020 13:55

Yes, he loves my mum dearly but we both know the next month is going to be hard work Thanks

OP posts:

flaviaritt · 11/12/2020 14:00

I would definitely have toddler in my bed and give mum the toddler room. I hate people sleeping on sofas (disruptive, not particularly clean, bad for the sofa?.

44PumpLane · 11/12/2020 14:02

My twins are loud sleepers so I find it's tough, as an adult, to get much sleep in the same room as them.

They are sound asleep once they fall asleep but from about 1am are susceptible to noise and often wake up..... If your toddler woke up to find your mother in the room and got used to that over a period of a month I think you'd have issues when she was no longer there.

I'd suggest an airbed in the lounge that gets packed away each morning. We do the same when staying with friends in London (pre 2020 I mean) and if you get an electric inflate/deflate one it's a matter of minutes to be fully tidied away.

Your mum could use the toddlers room for privacy for getting dressed after showers etc

Belindabelle · 11/12/2020 14:29

What if you or your partner want to stay up late and watch a film but your mum wants to go to bed at 10pm. Especially as the holidays are coming up. Sleeping in the sitting room would be ok for a few nights but not for any longer.

IndecentFeminist · 11/12/2020 16:23

Can't have toddler in your room as they wake you up, but ok to wake your mum up?

I'd love their bed into yours, your mum has own room.

grassisjeweled · 11/12/2020 16:25

It needs to feel transient, it really does.

True

liveitwell · 11/12/2020 16:27

Mum on airbed in lounge.

Definitely not in with toddler for the reasons you gave.

afrikat · 11/12/2020 16:29

Honestly I would put her in with toddler. That's a long time to be on the sofa

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