Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone else never been 'fancied'

49 replies

ILoveSummerTime4 · 10/12/2020 19:28

That's me. I can hand on heart say a man has never actually 'fancied' me in my life.

The only attention I have ever got from men has been from old perverts old enough to be my father or possibly grandfather. Or strangers on foreign holidays (you know the type) And not the sort of attention you would want either.

No one has ever said I'm pretty. I am married, but we met online so it was not a love story sight thing. And even back then, when I was younger and slimmer, he used to say I was 'funny' but never hot, sexy etc.

I am nearing 30 so I suppose my good days are behind me now. It doesn't help that I am trapped in a sexless marriage.

I've never felt sexy and desired. I'm not the only one who has felt like this am I?

OP posts:
willsantausesantatize · 10/12/2020 19:32

I don't think anyone ever fancied me either! I've never been good looking and all my dh used to say was that I am ' attractive' ( but that was 30 odd years ago)
I had boyfriends but always dumped after a few dates. Not photogenic at all.
No hope now I'm old , but I don't care now! Lol
I'm sure your lovely op.

why2020 · 10/12/2020 19:35

OP how are the good days behind you if you are only 'nearly 30'

Trailing1 · 10/12/2020 19:37

I've always been a plain jane, I can honestly say I am not good looking. In fact i'm still surprised that DH was ever interested, however I have made peace with my appearance.
In my college/university days I was always sidelined as just a friend or "you're like a sister to me".

Divebar · 10/12/2020 19:43

I am nearing 30 so I suppose my good days are behind me now

Yes best go and order your headstone. I’m 50.... I’m amazed I can drag myself through the day.

Firstly - there’s no way of knowing who does or has fancied you. You’re assuming that you would know. I’m sure that along the way men have fancied you but were probably not in a position to do anything about it. Different people are going to be attracted to different things but what is always attractive is confidence and a nice, genuine smile. When you’re upbeat and friendly people will gravitate to you. Women do not peak in their 20s although I understand why you think that (we live in a youth obsessed society) Your best years are probably your 30s and 40s but you’ve got to go and grab them by the balls ( so to speak). I’m aiming to make my 50s my best years. You need to find the confidence to do that and maybe leave the sexless relationship behind. Good luck Flowers

WildRosie · 10/12/2020 19:54

I was once left a note (while I wasn't looking) by a girl asking for a date. I'd never met her before and had no idea who she was. Apparently, she had blonde curly hair and blue eyes. I ignored it and got on with my life. This was 32 years ago and, as far as I know, is the closest I have come to arousing any kind of interest in the opposite sex. If there have been other incidents along the way, I have missed them completely. Such is lifeWink.

2020iscancelled · 10/12/2020 20:23

Well firstly you are only a baby in my eyes. 30 is young. So no, your best days are not long gone. Many, many women say they feel more attractive, confident and sexy in their 30s, 40s and beyond...

I had a thought that maybe you give off a vibe or not seeing value in being sexy and being “wanted” or fancied.... perhaps your vibe is that you are sassy and strong and funny...those things are very sexy but perhaps the men you’ve had in your life have never picked up on the fact you’d like to be acknowledged as a sexual being....

I’m not saying this is your fault or anything! But men have never called me pretty or delicate or wanted to protect me (they certainly don’t need to!) but I’ve never been treated as the delicate beautiful flower.... I am a strong and confident woman so although I’ve had some amazing sexual moments and compliments, they’ve always centred around my confidence and sass and not my prettiness or anything like that....

Being in a sexless marriage can’t be easy, most people need and want intimacy. It must make you feel quite alone at times.

I don’t really know what to advise, it depends if you’re actually happy? But there is no reason you can’t feel sexy on your own terms. Sexiness is not to do with appearance, it’s about your self love, connection to your own body, understanding of what you desire and enjoy....

I’m sorry you feel disappointed in this side of your life. I don’t think you have to though, there must be ways to empower your sexuality

willsantausesantatize · 10/12/2020 20:26

Two friends( who don't know each other ) sent me old photos of me when I was 21 and 30 this week! I looked awful in both !
I'm so pleased social media wasn't a thing in my day. I shudder at old photos of myself. I was never photogenic at all.

doadeer · 10/12/2020 20:27

How do you know?! Have you never thought someone was lovely but never told them.

I'm 30 and still feel young! Our best days aren't behind us!!!

willsantausesantatize · 10/12/2020 20:29

Yes op, your 30s is still very young!

KiKiDeluxe · 10/12/2020 20:31

How would you know? You may have been admired from afar

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 10/12/2020 20:37

Yep. Nobody has ever seemed to have the slightest bit of interest, had a couple of one night stands but they were purely sex, and think the blokes concerned would have shagged anyone anyway, so I doubt they actually cared...
Mind you I am fat, plain, unsociable and boring, so I don't help myself...

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 10/12/2020 20:42

You absolutely would have and still do have secret admirers (especially if you get to meet lots of people the more you meet the more there will be)

Ok some people have that instant attraction (it’s not always looks) that attracts many people, then there is that chemistry that we all feel at times (sometimes it’s one sided are all the men/women you have fancied exceptionally good looking) then there is the slower attraction once you get to know some one

I think your view on attraction is based on how you feel about yourself (and obviously I think you are very wrong Wink )

And 30 certainly not passed it

WinterWhore · 10/12/2020 20:49

Your not even 30 so please tell me how the good old days are behind you? I'm 29 in January and I cant wait for my 30s.

Mummadeeze · 10/12/2020 20:49

It sounds like you are suffering from low self esteem and this is probably being made worse by being in an unhappy (?) relationship. You are SO young, if you find your mojo, you have years ahead of you to feel desired and attractive. In fact I think it is possible at any age if you have the right attitude. Start working on your confidence and maybe your grooming, get in the gym, spoil yourself, learn to love who you are.

BigBaublesGalore · 10/12/2020 20:56

Serious question, are you intelligent?

joystir59 · 10/12/2020 20:57

Being 'fancied' isn't all that. I was predated at 14 and had the worst of male 'fancying' from that age until I turned grey and invisible in my fifties.

SonjaMorgan · 10/12/2020 20:59

I have never been attractive. My mother never told me I was pretty but would regularly describe my sibling in that way. I came to accept the way I look and I make up for it in other areas (I hope).

Girlzroolz · 10/12/2020 21:02

I was madly fanciable in my youth. I had a high libido and took full advantage. A smorgasbord of boyfriends, lovers, approaches from strangers.

Now, at 50, with ten years of sexless marriage behind me, I think of those days with happy nostalgia. It was mainly my confidence that made me fanciable, I believe. I knew myself to be a juicy, fabulous, sexy woman and that convinced others to think the same.

I’ll never forgive my husband for slowly convincing me I was unattractive and not worth male attention. Took a long time, but he’s managed it.

I’m planning on reigniting my juicy fabulousness, no matter what. I have sexy friends in their 60’s and 70’s who inspire me! Hope you find your inner sexy too, OP.

Baileyscheesecake · 10/12/2020 21:27

I’m 58 and consider myself quite ugly looking but I’ve had two marriage proposals in the last 6 years. You’ve got a whole lifetime ahead of you! Men like confident women who are fun to be with. Fake it til you make it!!! Do you have children? If not why are you staying in a sexless relationship at your age? Get out there and start living the life you want.

dayswithaY · 10/12/2020 21:28

Of course people have fancied you! They just haven't told you.

DDIJ · 10/12/2020 21:34

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2020 21:38

I've certainly never turned a head, and I've always acquired partners by stealth, where they got to like me and the attraction grew from that. I would have loved to walk into a room and have men tripping over themselves to talk to me, but alas that was not my destiny!

willsantausesantatize · 10/12/2020 21:39

I'd love to be drop dead gorgeous for a day ( younger thinner etc) just to see what it's like !

SickToDeathOfThis · 10/12/2020 22:12

I’m way sexier at 40 than I’ve ever been. Confidence as well as objectively making the most of what I’ve got (I’m not a model by any means, just taking care of myself)

MRC20 · 10/12/2020 22:14

You have no way of knowing you've never been fancied. I have no doubt you have been xx

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread