Has anyone else never been 'fancied'

[ILoveSummerTime4]

That's me. I can hand on heart say a man has never actually 'fancied' me in my life.

The only attention I have ever got from men has been from old perverts old enough to be my father or possibly grandfather. Or strangers on foreign holidays (you know the type) And not the sort of attention you would want either.

No one has ever said I'm pretty. I am married, but we met online so it was not a love story sight thing. And even back then, when I was younger and slimmer, he used to say I was 'funny' but never hot, sexy etc.

I am nearing 30 so I suppose my good days are behind me now. It doesn't help that I am trapped in a sexless marriage.

I've never felt sexy and desired. I'm not the only one who has felt like this am I?

I've been fancied / letched over a lot. It's not all it's cracked up to be and the men I date seem to be permanently confused about whether they should take me seriously or just use me for sex. If someone were to actually look me in the eye and say "I love you" then that would be something worth having. Even my ex-h never did that.

I guess that your admirers have been a bit too secret

Of course people have fancied you. The proportion of people who actually tell someone they fancy them is tiny. Most of these people won't have let on.

Your looks are a very small proportion of what makes you attractive. People are attractive based on their confidence. You may think that's bullshit but I absolutely guarantee you its not.

And you're still very young. I'm nearly 20 years older than you and I don't think I'm past it -- not by any stretch.

In the nicest possible way, its your mindset which you need to change.

Nearing 30 means you’re hitting your prime!!

Maybe love yourself a little bit more and others will love you too xx

Oh don’t be ridiculous. Of course people have fancied you. You are married ffs! You are projecting your own feelings about yourself onto other people.

I have a similar but different issue. Always described as beautiful, lovely figure etc, but didn't get asked out on any dates and didn't have a boyfriend until I met DH online in my 30s. I feel like I wasted my best days.

Being fancied isn't necessarily about looks a boyfriend of mine at Uni was no looker really looked like he'd grow up to be a Tory MP, but he was funny, intelligent, charismatic, charming and had that ability to make you feel like the only person in the room, so definitely fanciable (also a fuckwit as it turned out).

You and your husband got together for a reason, there must've been an attraction there for him or he'd still be online looking.

Your current situation is really not helping your self image. FWIW I definitely looked better at 30 than I did at 21 you've got a lot of life left and you need to think about whether you want to be in a sexless marriage or if its fixable

I'm the same, apart from DH and the random perving from passing creeps that all women get, I don't think anyone has ever fancied me. I used to get called ugly a lot in primary school, so assumed from a young age that I wasn't one of the blessed few.

I don't mind though, I'm quite confident with men, I like them, I enjoy their company, I admire the beautiful ones, but beyond that I don't give a shit what they think or whether they want to fuck me, as in it doesn't even cross my mind because it's never, ever been part of how I relate to the opposite sex.

On the other hand, I mostly like how I look. I like my eyes and I have nice skin,good legs. I was a bit fat at the start of this year but I lost 30lbs and getting dressed and putting on my makeup is a joy.

So I suppose two people have fancied me, DH and myself

Holds hand up. I have had men want to have sex with me, this is not a high bar. My long term relationships have been with a man much older who in hindsight couldn't get anyone else. Plus a man younger who was a raging narc using women left right and centre.

The women who are unbelieving are ridiculous.

me... my first bf only dated me for a dare with his bf, and my second bf i had to bribe to date me.. my husband says he fancies me.

I certainly haven't the experience that a lot of women describe of men always coming on to them and harrassing them. Can't say I'm sorry about that. A handful of guys have ever approached me or chatted me up. TBF, I spent a lot of time more or less unaware of whether guys liked me in that way - I was always mates with blokes so for a long time they'd have needed a flashing neon sign to communicate to me that they found me attractive. So, OP, chances are guys have fancied you, but you didn't see it.

I haven't experience the sense of becoming invisible to men in middle age because I never seemed to be visible to them in the first place!

That said I know a few guys (including DH, obviously) have found me beautiful, which I find kind of surprising, but I guess I'm just an acquired taste.

I feel like this too. Not ugly, not pretty, nothing to grab attention really. I know it's not all about looks, I just assume my personality must be pretty off-putting 😅

I do think confidence makes a difference, but it's hard to feel confident when you don't feel you have reason to. The audacity to expect anyone to find me attractive, when all the evidence suggests otherwise...

I'm literally ugly I really doubt anyone has objectively fancied me.

I have a big ole head, no amount of botox is going to ameliorate that. Its not a favoured trait in women.

My friends daughter is 19 and young and very beautiful but she wants Botox and boob surgery and pays loads for hair extensions etc.
Nobody is ever happy with their looks really and I suppose social media has made this worse.

I had a friend who was really beautiful in the way that is popular - tall, blonde, great figure etc. Men would not leave her alone in a way that felt like she owed it to them because she was appearing in public in her beauty. She hated it. I didn't believe her at first but the more time I spent with her the more I could see what she meant. Like all men owned her because she was good looking. Horrible.

On the other hand, I felt like you when I was 30 (but certainly not married!!) and in retrospect it was nonsense. I just never got that kind of attention but men did fancy me I just didn't understand the cues if it wasn't that kind of tongue rolled out panting.

I'm not good looking at all, but I've had my moments. They've all been in my 30s. I'm a redhead, which wasn't the thing to be when I was at school. I grew up being told that I was ugly by kids at school. Ugly and stupid, no one would ever want me. I believed them, and accepted being single for life.

I met my ex husband at college, and I fancied him like crazy for some reason. I followed him around, and he told me that I was his best friend. Eventually, we got together as a couple, and I was so grateful that some one actually wanted me that I accepted all sorts of awful, abusive shit.

Not sure what my point is, but my life is so much better now at 35 than when I was younger. Your best years are not behind you.

I'm early 30s but personally find that the women I am most drawn to (I'm straight but you know what I mean) are women in their 40s 🤷‍♀️ I'm not sure why! Maybe an aura of confidence and also I actually find those lines around the eyes look almost glamorous

Nobody is ever happy with their looks really and I suppose social media has made this worse. I am. I feel gorgeous and I treat myself that way - good food, exercise, lovely clothes (often from charity shops but excellent quality). I am 50.
Change your mindset. You are exactly perfect. As we all are. In my twenties and for part of my thirties I worried about not being beautiful/sexy/radiant enough until several personal tragedies happened and I realised I had wasted those years on the wrong things.
OP - free yourself of this notion that beauty is skin deep and allow yourself to flourish. If it is possible leave your sexless relationship. If not, find your passion in pursuits that light your spark.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but I just want to say that I found my 30s were so much better than my 20s. There’s so much striving and comparison going on on your 20s, but the 30s is a much more settled time with less pressure all round. You may well be coming into a much easier phase of life.

Jesus Christ the depressing posts on here about people been “past it“ I think this is a winner - late 20s . Ffs

Sorry op you sound down and so not trying to be mean but seriously woman ! If your relationship is rubbish you need to work on that / end it

Am sure people have fancied you , your husband for one !! Do things to make yourself feel better and stop worrying !

I'm 54 and have never been pretty or even good looking.
The people who have tended to fancy me are the ones that have taken the time to get to know me, friends of friends, work colleagues etc.
I don't have a sparkling personality but I laugh a lot and I think I'm better for knowing 😉

Omg you're still in your 20s! I read something that said women are at their most sexually attractive at 31 and I think there's some truth in that.

You've got years of sex and fun ahead of you - to be saying your best days are behind you in your 20s is MADNESS

OP I think you may have posted recently about being in a sexless marriage and being trapped. You are obviously desperately unhappy. People on here are going to say the same thing to you. You are still so young! You are not stuck , there must be a way out of it. I would bet lots of people fancy you but as your self esteem is shot you won't believe it.
Make your 30s the best time of your life by starting fresh.