Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect a polite birthday message?

49 replies

Whyistheteacold · 10/12/2020 18:17

I suspect I am being oversensitive... 🙄 It's my birthday today, and not a single person I work with said anything at all. The women on my team are all very friendly with eachother inside and outside of work, and for some reason I have never really felt 'in' with them. On birthdays, maternity leave, new job etc we always put £5 in each to get presents and a card, which of course I have always put money in. One of the other women went on maternity leave just after we went into lockdown. We had a zoom babyshower for her, and our manager took her a bundle of presents which we all put in money towards. A few months later, I went on maternity leave and.... Nothing. I wouldn't have expected anything if I hadn't put in £5 every time it was an event/celebration for someone else. I didn't say anything of course, just felt a bit put out. We are in a group WhatsApp, and they always ask the other woman how she is getting on during her maternity leave, and it would be so lovely for her to join team meeting and so on. But since I have been on maternity leave not a single one of them have spoken to me. And today, the straw on the camel's back I suppose, not a single one said happy birthday 🙄 I feel upset to be honest, but I also feel petty for being upset about such a small thing. I get that I'm probably not their cup of tea, and they are colleagues rather than friends, but AIBU to expect just a polite happy birthday anyway?

OP posts:
Whyistheteacold · 10/12/2020 18:27

Also... Congratulations to anyone who managed to read all of that 😂

OP posts:
Winniewonka · 10/12/2020 18:37

Happy Birthday!CakeFlowers Next time they ask for a contribution towards an event say cheerfully "Oh, are we still doing that? I thought we had given up as my last two celebrations weren't acknowledged"

Strangedayindeed · 10/12/2020 18:38

Happy birthday

PuffyChuff · 10/12/2020 18:42

Happy birthday!
Say what Wjinniewonka said
I wouldn't give them a penny more
I hope you enjoy the rest of your day

Whyistheteacold · 10/12/2020 18:43

Thank you both! @Winniewonka that's not a bad idea to be honest, I could save up my £5 pounds each time and get myself something nice at the end of the year... 😂

OP posts:
Spelunking · 10/12/2020 18:45

Fuck ‘em. Put the group on mute and enjoy the rest of your birthday. Cake

Skyshale · 10/12/2020 18:48

Happy Birthday OP!

Really fantastic advice from @Winniewonka - I would absolutely do this. You shouldn't be expected to chip in for everyone else if they can't be bothered with you!

Hope you have a lovely day despite your rubbish workmates x

Wiglio · 10/12/2020 18:48

Happy birthday OP
I hope you stop contributing to the present collections 💐

Ohtherewearethen · 10/12/2020 18:50

I would definitely question it if they ask for a contribution again. Not sure how I'd word it but I'd let them know how rude they are being. Not necessarily for not including you to the extent of others in group chats, etc, but for expecting you to contribute to other people's whip-rounds. Not sure how to do it without them thinking you are being awkward though, it sounds like they're that type of group.

ScrapThatThen · 10/12/2020 18:51

Definitely post 'happy birthday me' on the WhatsApp. Cliquey bunch.

TeddyBeans · 10/12/2020 18:51

Happiest of birthdays lovely 🥳🥳

These women have shown their true colours, don't put yourself out for them anymore.

And congrats on your little one too ❤️❤️

Wigglegiggle0520 · 10/12/2020 18:52

That’s awful OP. They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Make no more contributions and spend the money on yourself.

Happy birthday FlowersCakeWine

MrsTWH · 10/12/2020 18:55

Is your manager on the WhatsApp group? They should be ensuring everybody is treated equally. That’s rubbish, OP. Happy birthday!

OrigamiOwl · 10/12/2020 19:00

@Winniewonka

Happy Birthday!CakeFlowers Next time they ask for a contribution towards an event say cheerfully "Oh, are we still doing that? I thought we had given up as my last two celebrations weren't acknowledged"
Exactly this... Stop contributing to their collections.
GinandGingerBeer · 10/12/2020 19:01

Happy Birthday 🎈
They're bloody horrible.
Send them all Christmas cards with a shitload of glitter in. Heaps of the stuff.
They'll not forget you then, they'll think of you for a very long time Grin

Whyistheteacold · 10/12/2020 19:04

@ScrapThatThen 😂😂 it's very tempting! Fighting my inner pettyness

@MrsTWH yes my manager is in the group too, but to be honest she is probably the most cliquey one!

Thank all of you so much for your good advice and lovely comments, genuinely I feel quite touched. And I have a lot to be grateful for. My DD is now three months old, and clearly wanted to be the first person to wish me happy birthday so she woke me up at 5am 😂 and I have a toffee pavlova to look forwards to.

OP posts:
Whyistheteacold · 10/12/2020 19:05

@GinandGingerBeer

Happy Birthday 🎈 They're bloody horrible. Send them all Christmas cards with a shitload of glitter in. Heaps of the stuff. They'll not forget you then, they'll think of you for a very long time Grin
😂 Oh my god, what an excellent idea. I need to dig my craft kit out. Sequins too I think
OP posts:
LuckyNumberThirteen · 10/12/2020 19:09

Happy birthday!

Have there been any events between your maternity leave and your birthday that they've not asked you to contribute to? If so, that'll be their excuse.

SockDrawer · 10/12/2020 19:09

Happy Birthday!

Bloody love a pavlova! Enjoy!

livefornaps · 10/12/2020 19:11

That's terrible! Everybody should be treated the same for presents. Just don't acknowledge any more requests for cash. I would rather spend a tenner on cake for myself. Hope you treated yourself to a nice day. I always think people who tend to be all clique-clique at work tend to be pretty unimaginative anyway.

Whattheworldneedsnowislove · 10/12/2020 19:28

Oh you poor thing, you must feel invisible there. How can a group celebrate one birth and completely overlook another. What an odd lot.

Anyway I hope you had a lovely birthday, I am thinking of you and sending lots of birthday wishes your way. Have lots of cuddles with your 3 month old DD - it really is a lovely age and enjoy your pavlova.

FangsForTheMemory · 10/12/2020 19:33

I had a similar situation in a team I used to work in. We all used to go out for lunch on anyone's birthday. For my birthday I suggested a restaurant we'd been to before, that I thought everyone liked, and . . . got an email saying 'why don't we celebrate your birthday and Bloggins's together, in a month's time?' I didn't reply and when I was asked in person what I thought about the idea I said I didn't really feel that would be my birthday lunch. I dropped out of all the birthday stuff after that.

LongDistanceClaret · 10/12/2020 19:38

These are mean-spirited heartless (and probably joyless) people. Be glad you’re nothing like them. Happy Birthday!

Whyistheteacold · 10/12/2020 19:44

@LuckyNumberThirteen yes there was another birthday inbetween 🙄 because I'm on maternity leave I didn't think they would get me a present/card etc but I was surprised that no one even said happy birthday.

@Whattheworldneedsnowislove invisible is a good word for it. I haven't been happy there for a while, I think maternity leave might be a good time for me to start thinking about a career change! And thank you for your kind comments.

@FangsForTheMemory it's crap isn't it? I hope you have a better team now 🌼

OP posts:
Elouera · 10/12/2020 19:45

Sorry, I'm confused. Is there a calender with everyones birthdays written on it at work? If not, how would your colleagues even know its your birthday? So you are still on mat leave and not physically in the office anymore?

Its awful that no one organised a little farewell mat leave gift for you. Unless birthdays are written down, I'd have no clue who in my team was having one though. I hope you have a nice day anyways x