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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I realise I am being petty but...

35 replies

IGetIt · 10/12/2020 15:25

AIBU to hate it when DH keeps comparing my pregnancy with his ex?

I'm not entirely sure why it bothers me but it does.

Every time I mention something it's 'oh when X was pregnant X Y Z, when X was in labour etc etc'...

And so on.

The stupid thing is, I don't even mind his ex, we get on fine! I don't know why it's bothering me all of a sudden but I feel like telling him I don't want to hear it every time he does it!

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 10/12/2020 15:28

Yes it’s insensitive and you need to tell him!
Although he’s luhh kg rly just sharing his experiences to make you feel better.

FelicityPike · 10/12/2020 15:28

Probably*

Mycircusmymonkey · 10/12/2020 15:30

I thinks it’s less that he’s comparing you to his ex and sounds more like he’s acting like a know it all?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2020 15:32

I don't know why it's bothering me all of a sudden but I feel like telling him I don't want to hear it every time he does it!

Then you should tell him, calmly and politely. He's not a mind reader. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you compared him in any way against your former boyfriends.

Original poster
IGetIt · 10/12/2020 15:34

@Mycircusmymonkey

I thinks it’s less that he’s comparing you to his ex and sounds more like he’s acting like a know it all?
Maybe yes. He has said things like 'as someone who's seen it...' when talking about labour options which gave me the rage slightly, although again I don't know if that's me being unreasonable or not 🤣

I probably should mention it you're right. I just feel like I'm being a bit pathetic. As PP said, he just thinks he's drawing on past experience I guess.

OP posts:
GetOffYourHighHorse · 10/12/2020 15:34

Is he thick?! Who tf chats about the exes pregnancy Confused.

Tell him you're not remotely interested in her pregnancy. Ugh it's just so weird.

Original poster
IGetIt · 10/12/2020 15:36

Oh thank god, I thought I was going to be told to get a grip and sent running. I feel less stupid with every post, thank you!

OP posts:
Screwcorona · 10/12/2020 15:40

As pp said it sounds like hes drawing from his experience and probably isnt thinking of it as comparing you. Let him know and hopefully he wont bring her up

Macncheeseballs · 10/12/2020 15:57

Next time you're dtd, compare his technique to your ex

M0rT · 10/12/2020 16:00

Start doing it with other things, when "other man you know" does that he does it this way... with the implication that is the better way....
Could be used for anything, driving, cooking, cleaning, choosing tv programs!
Amuse yourself by seeing how long until he notices Wink

Original poster
IGetIt · 10/12/2020 16:00

@Macncheeseballs

Next time you're dtd, compare his technique to your ex
😂😂😂
OP posts:
katy1213 · 10/12/2020 16:02

It does rather draw attention to the fact that he didn't stick around to raise the result.

Original poster
IGetIt · 10/12/2020 16:06

@katy1213

It does rather draw attention to the fact that he didn't stick around to raise the result.
Yikes that's a bit of an assumption... We have my DSC 50:50, he's is a very involved Dad. That's not what the thread is about.
OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 10/12/2020 16:06

If you think of it as him comparing the pregnancy of his other child it might help you to put it into perspective. Obv he would have been as excited about that baby as he is about this one and he's got that experience to refer to

caringcarer · 10/12/2020 16:07

If this is your first child you want to share it together but it is not his first child and every time he goes on about his ex he reminds you this is his second child.

ShitOnIt00 · 10/12/2020 16:10

He is probably trying to be reassuring but is doing it very clumsily! I’d just tell him, nicely, that you’d actually rather not know all the details of ex’s experiences.

countrygirl99 · 10/12/2020 16:14

Well, none of his matesxhave been pregnant so this was his only experience of pregnancy. He probably thinks he is being supportive but has misjudged.

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2020 16:18

@IGetIt

Oh thank god, I thought I was going to be told to get a grip and sent running. I feel less stupid with every post, thank you!
Not stupid.

He needs to shut up. Everybody's experience is different and he's only seen it from the outside anyway

Mix56 · 10/12/2020 16:30

I wouldn't want to hear it, I would say, "I would like useful snippets, I know you have seen it before, but every woman is different, & I feel the rage every time you compare me to X. It may be hormones, or it may be you are being an insufferable insensitive dick ?"

Hahaha88 · 10/12/2020 16:37

Honestly I think you're perhaps being a bit hormonal. If this isn't his first experience of a pregnancy it's natural he'd talk about the other, just like you would if you had a baby with a previous partner. If it's really bothering you then tell him, but I think he's down nothing wrong imo. But apparently I'm alone in thinking this way. And fwiw I am pregnant myself

YoniAndGuy · 10/12/2020 16:40

'Please don't be one of those men who think that having once seen a labour in action they have the faintest idea of the actual experience. Also, this is my pregnancy, and my labour, please stop referring to your ex every time the subject comes up or I will find a birth partner who won't'

Barmyfarmy · 10/12/2020 17:01

Tell him every pregnancy is different and that you shouldn't be basing information of ex's pregnancy and that he should put a sock in it! Definitely with you on this OP, get him to quit it now or he may never stop!

Conkergame · 10/12/2020 17:02

OP he probably thinks he’s being helpful, or just wants to talk about his own past experiences, as is natural. Just tell him you don’t want to hear it - what woman (or man!) wants to be compared to their partner’s ex?!

Snally82 · 10/12/2020 17:03

I’m in this situation but we discussed it straight away, and he has reigned it way back to be sensitive.

funinthesun19 · 10/12/2020 17:08

Next time you're dtd, compare his technique to your ex

Grin Perfect!

Seriously though op, this sounds so bloody irritating. This is your pregnancy, not some extension of his ex’s pregnancy!
I get he’s drawing on previous experiences, but he needs to let you enjoy your own pregnancy instead of relating everything back to the ex and her pregnancy.

Pregnancy is a very unique, emotional and personal thing for every woman going through it. Men just don’t feel this like we do. So the last thing we want is a running commentary about what his ex wife did as that was HER pregnancy. Not even his. Hers.

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