Sharing details of how much office contributed to funeral fund?

[CitizenClem]

A colleague from another office died. There was a collection for his funeral, and the person organizing the collection has just sent an email saying how much everyone contributed. I was towards the bottom and now I feel terribly ashamed.

AIBU to think you don't share how much everyone contributed?

You’re absolutely right OP, that’s terrible (I’d also say £30 was incredibly generous, especially considering that you didn’t even know the person!).

At my work, whoever organises a collection tends to send an email round, saying “thanks everyone, we raised £xyz”, but it wouldn’t be itemised and ranked by order of who gave most!

How incredibly crass.

Perhaps they had to share it for some sort of transparency? If not then I agree it's very bad form.

Was it the top two hundred quidder that pushed it it to be published, do you think? cos unless it was the deceased best friend or the CEO, I'd think they were the dickhead and I'd be embarrassed at them.

That's outrageous. I'd let HR know. It is potentially very undermining for colleague relationships. The person responsible needs a bit of training, quite urgently.

Really odd; maybe someone who gave £200 was morning but still v odd.
You’ve done nothing wrong and no one will think anything of your £20 donation. Let it go and chalk it up to the person organising either being inexperienced/arsy or upset and not thinking properly.

Very bad to do that, and you don't have to feel ashamed at all. You wouldn't have to feel ashamed,if you never contributed at all, as it's a personal issue.

^ moaning, autocorrected to morning.

Please dont feel ashamed Op, its not about giving what you can afford, its about giving what you want or feel is right for you. £30 is over and above in my opinion, you also have your own family and friends to take care of.
Do raise this with a manager at work so it doesnt happen again

Strange. Did they say the people who donated £0?!

@Notthe9oclocknewsathon

^ moaning, autocorrected to morning.

Mourning

WTAF! Why? What was their reason for sharing this?

One of the things I'm not enjoying about WFH is the electronic contributions to birthdays etc. where you can put your name beside your donation or leave 'anonymous'. Bit it's not so anonymous when everyone else puts their name 🙄

Wow, that's really inappropriate. I think £30 is a decent amount for a work colleague who isn't close, don't feel embarrassed just because some are wealthier or were closer to the family. The thought really is what matters.

I’m amazed people were that generous
I think £30 is very generous, I think most people I know would give anything from £1-£10.
Did the person who shared this give £200?

Honestly, if you work in a place where people go 'did you see Mary only gave £30 for Dick's funeral costs, no matter if she never met him that's only a drop' then you work in the weirdest place I've ever heard of.

MASSIVELY inappropriate thing to do. Absolutely mention it to HR, who should then bring it up with the perpetrator without mentioning your name.

Basically shaming people who have less money/competing causes/are less connected to the recipient. None of which can be helped.

You have nothing to be ashamed of - if they were getting a wreath, would you have contributed £30? I wouldn't have.

The organiser should have sent an email such as "thanks for everyone's donations, we have £xxxx total to give to John's family, I'll be hand delivering it tomorrow".

What a twat!

I think you were extremely generous to be fair

Where did the member or staff who shared the list rate on it? Have you asked them why they shared it?

We used to pass round an envelope for a colle ruin (whatever the reason, birthday, new baby, whatever). Always used to make me laugh when we emptied it out and there were coppers in there and the amount was something like £37.14.

I mean, sure empty you wallet/purse of all your change, but no one one ever shamed anyone for putting pennies in there.

£30 is a lot of money!

*A collection

Well done for contributing it was very kind. A complete dick move sending an email with a breakdown of donations I'd be livid.

I'm feeling calmer about it now, but yes, totally amazed it was considered a legitimate thing to do.

Please don't feel bad OP.

Agree with other PPs, wrong on all levels and they should've just out the cumulative value.

I'm just going to add one last piece of context. The office in question is overseas, (I'm in the UK), so many of these colleagues know the deceased personally, whereas I've never met them.

The culture may well be different to encourage generosity, but I know in the UK, it would be considered incredibly rude to share like this.

They should have just said the headline amount. Not everyone can afford the same amount. You shouldn’t be made to feel bad when you’ve done a kind thing.

Totally wrong and £30 was a generous donation.