Mary was a virgin.
Sorry, but just No. Joseph was a good looking man. Something else must have happened.
He was a humble man, with a pure and strong body from all that carpentry. Fit from hacking and hueing timber with his Adz, a gentle sweat glistening as he worked, Mary blushingly admired him that afternoon, 24 March 0001. That rhythmic working with his tool to create a thing of beauty between them. Starting gently, running his strong, yet safe hands over the edges, feeling the contours, just feeling how this wood, once living but now in slumber, could be brought back to life again, in his manner.
He worked his magic on his wood as Mary watched.
Mary drew him some water from the well, gently fragranced with herbs from the valleys and sweetened with a little butter made from the milk of their goat. She knew this would give him strength for the task ahead.
And soon she started to attract his attention.
As he gently gulped the water from the urn under the strong heat of the midday sun, she noticed the rippling of the taught muscles of his stomach, the carpenter's belt hanging down with the weight of his tool, in a V-shape in-front of him, revealing a little more than you would expect.
Even though it was way less than you want to imagine now.
As he looked at her, she caught sight of a bead of sweat roll down urgently into his weighty loin cloth, tracking a trace of his natural body hair. Like sap running to the roots only to rise again.
Their eyes were locked together in that way that only lovers can hold that look, knowing the inevitable is going to happen and only she has the power to invite him in. That deeply intimate thing where she opens up to receive his gift and he is powerless.
And she received his gift, then and there. On the floor of his workshop-cum-stable.
"What is it she asked?" perusing this curious three dimensional block in front of her.
"It is a meecrow-wah-vay " Joseph replied, though adding "I have yet to invent a plug".
After a minute or two he added wistfully "And elect-riz-itty though it is made from wood so won't power up anyway." Mary winked at the camera for she knew wood had its own special property.
"Joseph, I love it" Mary gasped. "You can 'Adz' some legs and I can use it as a butcher's block for my recipes in the meantime".
Delighted by her enthusiasm Joseph closed his workshop for the day and, after washing his hands in a deep bowl of water scented with myrrh and stuff, he ventured to sit by the hearth as Mary entertained their shepherd friends with her mysterious culinary skills. Chopping away at her new butcher's block, they were entranced as she "got a couple of fleshy pomegranates out", then worked her magic "with a knob of butter" before finally getting some cream into her "figgy pudding" after she had "rolled a sausage between her fingers".
Joseph slept well that night. Mary begat herself a book deal and forever more her royalties did floweth.