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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are some kids just ridiculously demanding?

51 replies

Hullabaloo9 · 09/12/2020 20:05

I'm writing this after yet another exhausting day with my lovely 4 yr old son. Hes my 3rd child and I dont remember either of my older ones being anything near as demanding.

From the moment he wakes it's full on. He will not play alone. He constantly wants me to play with him if we are at home. He only likes to play "talking toys" which is small world games. I would gladly spend lots of time playing actual games, drawing, making things, reading but no, he just wants small world play all the time. I do play his preferred games with him but have started using a half hour timer for when we switch to something else.

He will ask for something, perhaps a drink but while I'm getting it will bombard me with requests for other random things and perpetually ask me to "look Look LOOK!" So it takes forever to get the bloody drink. By then hes moved on to something else.

I find myself telling him "we will do this and then you must sit down and just leave me alone for 10 minutes". He never manages or just starts saying "do I have to just be alone and do nothing all the time". It makes me feel so guilty but he drives me up the wall.

Hes also lovely, kind and very funny. Pleasant company and easy going as long as he has your your full attention.

Is it just his personality or am I doing something wrong? I'm pretty sure I'm raising him as I did the others and they were not half as demanding. Anyone else have a kid like this? Did they grow out of it at all?

OP posts:
porcelaine · 09/12/2020 20:09

my dd is 6 and she is still a lot like this, she always has been really. I think it's a personality thing, she is very imaginative and sociable and she is an extrovert (I'm a total introvert so sometimes it can be tough!) It may help to lay down rules such as setting timers "we will play for 20 minutes til the timer goes off", she has actually never argued with this. and also channel some of that energy into doing things like he can help with chores, you can get the crafts out (I get specific craft sets for emergencies, there's some nice xmas ones on amazon by baker ross), he might not like it at first but if its that or nothing he might come to enjoy doing a more varied range of activities with you than just small world play. it will slowly get easier as he ages, I promise!

AnnnaBananna · 09/12/2020 20:09

Some kids are just like this. Mine for example. Very bright and wanting constant stimulation and interaction.

Puddlelane123 · 09/12/2020 20:12

One of my dc is like this, and at 5 remains very demanding in just the way you describe. It is unrelenting! I adore the bones of him but it is exhausting and at times I find it a bit draining. He was my first and I assumed it was normal until I spent time with friends and their dc who didnt make nearly so many demands. I think it is personality. He was the most demanding baby on the postnatal ward too!

AIMD · 09/12/2020 20:14

My son, my oldest child, is very much like this. Thought it has got better recently. My daughter is nothing like it. I think it’s partly just different personalities and needs.

I’ve read a lot about highly sensitive children (Orchid child) and I see my son as that. He’s just needs a lot of reassurance, is easily upset and craves one on one connection. My daughter literally couldn’t be anymore different.

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong...at all. Kids are different and different things work for different kids.

FYI I do the timer thing too with play as my son loves imaginative games but he will want me to play for hours, so I have to have a way to limit it. I also use a timer if I need my own time (eg while the timer is green mummy is reading and you need to find something to do. Maybe you could draw or build Lego?)

Gunpowder · 09/12/2020 20:17

DD1 is like this! She is curious, funny and imaginative (also an extrovert) but my god it’s relentless. I had three more children so now she mostly bothers them instead of me.

AIMD · 09/12/2020 20:18

@Puddlelane123 yes I thought it was normal (or maybe common is a better word) until being around other baby/toddlers.
My first was hard from the moment we came home due to issues feeding because of a tongue tie and has always needed a lot of my attention.

I’d love someone to come along who had a adult child who was like this as a kid. Be interesting to hear someone experience with a child up to adulthood.

Gobbycop · 09/12/2020 20:20

I'd love it.

Who wants a drip.

Original poster
Hullabaloo9 · 09/12/2020 20:21

Thanks for all your replies. It's nice to know hes not the only one. It reassuring to think that its just his personality, not my parenting. I always feel that parents with calm and independent children must think I'm too soft or babying him.

I am trying to widen our range of play and also trying to establish my bath time as sacred and not to be disturbed!.

I'm sure one day I will miss the times he wanted mummy's attention all the time. It's just so draining

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 09/12/2020 20:25

One of my DC was like this. They cannot stand to be alone and must always be with another person doing something fun. If they have to be alone, they are constantly in contact with a friend. It was very tiring when they were young and we at least could spread the attention out as they had me, my DH and two siblings to bounce between. This DC has grown up to be the one of the most extroverted adults I have ever seen...on par with my little brother who is much the same.

thenorthernluce · 09/12/2020 20:27

I have one over these (she’s 3.5) and it’s unrelenting, and has been so since day one. We took her to a Christmas show with one of her friends the other day and my husband was agog that her friend sat for the whole hour - he literally could not conceive of a child not bobbing up and down at all in that time.

Agree with @AIMD that it would be great to hear from someone who’s come out the other side or at least has pointers for us!

There’s a reason my daughter still doesn’t have a sibling...!

FolkyFoxFace · 09/12/2020 20:31

I was like this as a child. I always wanted to be doing something, and I wanted to be doing it with my Dad (single father) or my brother. Ideally both. I was relentless. Would follow my Dad out of the room if he went to make a cuppa, anything. I always had "plans".

My younger brother put up with a lot of imaginative games. My Dad made up funny stories and I'd take them to the next level. We'd have to draw the characters AND act out scenes!

Me and my Dad grew to be best friends when I was older. Never left his side until he died. My brother is my world.

I'm also a writer, and an introvert for the most part (although maybe I'm just a social grump), unless I'm around DH. Then I never shut up or stop.

I have no advice really, but we do at some point recognise we're annoying I promise. 😂 It's just hard to switch off!

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 09/12/2020 20:32

My DD was like this. Technology helped - gaming, especially mine craft - but that was when she was older and may well have grown out of it a little. She is still by far by FAR my most demanding child!

JamesMoriarty · 09/12/2020 20:33

My 8 year old is very like this.

Bogardicia · 09/12/2020 20:33

Yes I have one of these. Been the same since he was young, he’s 6 now. he’s extremely sociable which is lovely but the need for interaction with me is exhausting. Agree, would love hear from parents who’s child is a grown up now.

Puddlelane123 · 09/12/2020 20:36

Yes I should have phrased it better - I don’t think it is abnormal as such, more that it isn’t necessarily a given that all children are this demanding. As a first time parent I just assumed they were all like this, and it is only by having another child and spending time with dc of friends and my siblings that I realise that there is a spectrum of demandingness / need for constant interaction / engagement / play facilitation. It was a revelation to me (and still is) to see children of the same age just pottering about happily and being self sufficient for short periods.

porcelaine · 09/12/2020 20:37

oh yeah and I would add I dont know your feelings on screen time but a kids kindle saved my life when dd was about your sons age. she still has it and she will accept playing on it/reading the books for a while at least. they have a lot of educational stuff and she is also a techno whizz now with the touch screen and gaming strategy etc!

Original poster
Hullabaloo9 · 09/12/2020 20:39

I did get some relief by letting him try his brothers xbox (I know, not ideal at his age). He can play the lego games but he only likes it if I'm watching and we take turns frequently, to ensure my full concentration!!!

He also will literally hold things in my face if he doesn't feel I'm responding quickly enough. Drives me potty.

OP posts:
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/12/2020 20:42

As Gunpowder says, my DC1 was like that, but it was mitigated by DC2 once he was old enough to play with her (small gap) and luckily he adored her and was absolutely delighted to follow her lead til he was about 6 - luckily by then she had a solid circle of friends who wete always around.

Harder in covid times, harder with a youngest child!

DC1 is bright but not brighter than more self contained DC2 or more quirky DC3, who plays incredibly complex imaginitive aames alone - what DC1 is, is a "people person" who needs interaction and communication, and is very good indeed at those things, tending to charm everyone and excelling at languages too.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/12/2020 20:51

Bogardicia mine is 15. She's a delightful teen, the kind most parents only dream of, but she's still attention intensive and has never done the "typical teen" hiding in her room thing. She's always with us - at weekends she watches TV with DH and I and when we go to bed, she goes to bed. She gets up early for a teen too. She's in the kitchen if I'm there. If she's sad she follows me like a puppy. She's sad if I go to work when she's home (health care shifts). She is very hard working, responsible and independent though - arranges her own dentists appointments and college interviews for example, never needs nagging about school work, teachers refer to her as "exemplary", she had a pastoral care role for younger kids in school last year. She brilliant with DC3 - helps him with homework, plays with him like an ideal Au-Pair or babysitter might, endless patience. Other adults love her.

She's a better person than me I think - she wrote my Christmas cards for me this year, I wasn't going to bother...

EsmeCrowfoot · 09/12/2020 20:56

@Gobbycop

I'd love it.

Who wants a drip.

Personally I've never thought of any child as a 'drip', especially not at 4. Blimey.
AIMD · 09/12/2020 21:02

@FolkyFoxFace sounds just like my son is now. He spends hours drawing out games or characters and then wants me to act them out with him. He writes lots too. Maybe he’ll be a writer: I think (hope) my son stays close to me like you did your dad. Sounds like you had a beautiful relationship!

Yeahnahmum · 09/12/2020 21:04

Here is a tip: stop enabling this!!!!!

You are the biggest part of this problem op. Stop playing only the game he wants. Stoo playing with him all. The. Time. And stop getting him a drink of water because surely he can do that himself at age 4.

And stop calling him" pleasant company and easy going " because he isn't. At all.
A baby that is clingy and demanding makes sense. A 4yo doesnt. And considering when you plunk him in front of an xbox (which isway too young... but im sure yiu know that) he is fine?! Well that shows he CAN play allone.

But yeah. Change the way you are doing things op because this is a parenting problem more than a kid problem. Maybe he is much younger than his siblings and feels like an only child. But.. that is still no excuse. Anyway. Good luck

RandomUser18282 · 09/12/2020 21:12

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Apileofballyhoo · 09/12/2020 21:13

DS was like that. He's 12 now and reverted back to it at the end of lockdown. It all came flooding back to me! I think he was like that to about 7 intensively and then we used to have an hour or so of "special time" up to about 10 - that's what we went back to during lockdown but it was called playing with the teddies. It actually wasn't as bad as before because his storylines are quite funny and interesting now.

He's very imaginative and wants to be a writer.

I suspect if we'd had another child he might have played with them instead of with me.

RandomUser18282 · 09/12/2020 21:14

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

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