Or are some kids just ridiculously demanding?

[Hullabaloo9]

I'm writing this after yet another exhausting day with my lovely 4 yr old son. Hes my 3rd child and I dont remember either of my older ones being anything near as demanding.

From the moment he wakes it's full on. He will not play alone. He constantly wants me to play with him if we are at home. He only likes to play "talking toys" which is small world games. I would gladly spend lots of time playing actual games, drawing, making things, reading but no, he just wants small world play all the time. I do play his preferred games with him but have started using a half hour timer for when we switch to something else.

He will ask for something, perhaps a drink but while I'm getting it will bombard me with requests for other random things and perpetually ask me to "look Look LOOK!" So it takes forever to get the bloody drink. By then hes moved on to something else.

I find myself telling him "we will do this and then you must sit down and just leave me alone for 10 minutes". He never manages or just starts saying "do I have to just be alone and do nothing all the time". It makes me feel so guilty but he drives me up the wall.

Hes also lovely, kind and very funny. Pleasant company and easy going as long as he has your your full attention.

Is it just his personality or am I doing something wrong? I'm pretty sure I'm raising him as I did the others and they were not half as demanding. Anyone else have a kid like this? Did they grow out of it at all?

[quote AIMD]@FolkyFoxFace sounds just like my son is now. He spends hours drawing out games or characters and then wants me to act them out with him. He writes lots too. Maybe he’ll be a writer: I think (hope) my son stays close to me like you did your dad. Sounds like you had a beautiful relationship![/quote]
That's really sweet! I think often a lot of it can be being so excited by an idea that they want to share! It does calm down as they grow - I did a bit, and the excited/bossy puppy dog behaviour turned more into wanting to nurture a close relationship and friendship. It's lovely that he's so creative and open with you. I'm sure he'll carry on!

My son is just like this. Has never been able to play alone and I find the imaginative games very draining! He wakes up early and is go go go all day. The snack demands also drive me potty. I bought him a games console so I could get some quiet time but he will only play 2 player with me

My son is the same. He’s 7 now. He got a lot better in the first lockdown when he was at home whilst I worked solidly so he had to learn to occupy himself. I have been honest in recent years that as a 42 year old woman, I don’t like Batman or pretending to be Batman and that his friends are better people to play those games

Mine was like this! He is still v v attention seeking but he also likes to make up stories and acts them out and he will do this alone for aaaaages which has basically solved my problem.

But yes age 2,3,4 were hard. Try to find imaginative creative story type stuff your son can do alone then start him off and after ten min pop off to do something and see if he can continue without you. Don’t do that everytime tho obvs cos that would just be mean.

(Also imaginative play where you can lie down is good. He’s the doctor/archaeologist and you’re the patient/fossil etc).

Also playdates playdates playdates. Find kids who want to join in his imaginative world, some will some won’t.

I have started to explain this too. I am 41, I dont want to be a dinosaur. I spent a considerable amount of the summer being a dinosaur and I've reached my limit.

It's now random addition questions that he doesn't really want the answer to, he just asks so he can talk and get my attention.

Am I indulging him too much and making him like this? Do any of you also worry this is the case?

@Hullabaloo9 I don’t think you’re indulging him, but I do think it’s ok to have boundaries. It’s ok to say no sometimes so long as there are times you give him attention and do one to one.

Sounds like your starting to do that though with the timer and bath.

Mine is like that (age 7). We recently discovered she has ADHD, which has been helpful, as now we know why she does some of it.

I am exhausted most of the time. She is hilariously funny, creative and sharp though.

My 16 year old was like this. She is also a real extrovert - always wanting to meet up with friends. Can't concentrate for toffee either but to be expected as she's borderline adhd

That sounds utterly relentless.

I think @Yeahnahmumeah
ha a point.

At 4 he is definitely old enough to be told NO, and go and play by yourself for a while.

Giving him constant attention on demand and never saying No , you need to entertain yourself for a while, is not doing him any favours. No matter how cute he is.

He needs to learn that he is not entitled to demand your constant attention and he's not too young to learn a bit of consideration.

This will help him come school time.

You sound like a wonderful mother.

My 5yo son is like this. He is very extroverted and needs to be around people all the time, and I’m an introverted single mum so I find it too intense at times. I use the timer trick too - it really works. Also I just say No to playing if I have other things to do, such as cooking, he will eventually wander off and play by himself. When I’m at breaking point, I tell him I’m “on strike” which means I sit and have a cup of tea and refuse every request for play/food/drink etc etc. It’s surprising that even though I’ve never really explained the word strike, he seems to instinctively understand what it means 🤣 and leaves me in peace for 10 mins.

My people!!!
Mine is go go go and having been home in isolation too I’m a bit broken because I hate myself for the No, not not, I’m going work etc boundaries which turn into WHAT.... it’s relentless...
I asked school and they find him a dream, bright and a year ahead. Basically needs a task all day and he picks stuff up fast- I was the opposite
So now I know he can calm it for ‘authority’ I’ve taken a different approach and have the tasks stacked up, also using online learning games that make him think like abc mouse and eggs, plus the real winner is exercise- basically wear him out, keep the snacks going to avoid the full on meltdowns and then bed early before the witching window happens. If he’s on form and stays up late it always always goes tits up and one day I will learn...
He’s an amazing child I’m just glad I didn’t have him when I was older because he’s exhausting enough now...

My 9 year old is like this, minus the games. He just wants 100% verbal interaction all the time and has been this way always. And not the type of talking where he can rabbit on in a stream of consciousness and you can switch off with an occasional mmm, really. Intense back and forth discussions. Constant demands for responses and questions which is tiresome because he always disputes my answers.

My younger two are not like this at all. It is exhausting. He will probably be a barrister. In the meantime, he’s a pest.

Very similar to my 9yo. That kid has the kind of social energy I couldn’t even dream of. He would happily have company all day long with no need for time alone to recharge. Totally different to the rest of us. At 4yo we play dated anywhere and everywhere with anyone. If I hadn’t been able to arrange a play date (rare) I would take him to soft play and release him. Within 5 mins he would have befriended a stranger and I would be in peace.
He lives for his friends now and can’t wait to be allowed out with his mates alone

Thanks everyone. It's really good to know that lots of other children are like this and it gets easier.

I also do accept some liability for how he is. I do indeed say no when I have to do housework or cooking or whatever, and he does accept this and wait, always really near, watching eagerly for the moment I have finished. I dont want to give the impression that i just play all day and do whatever he wants as I dont, but the pressure is always there.

My dd is very much like this. She can be on her own if she's watching tv but otherwise prefers that I play with her or at least be in the same room while she plays. She can play by herself but only if it's her idea, and not for hours. She still wants me to stay with her while she goes to sleep and frequently says she doesn't like being alone. We noticed that her behaviour went downhill in lockdown, with just us and her older sisters but the minute she was around other children when holiday childcare was reopened she improved greatly. I think she needs a lot of interaction. But it really is tiring!

I have twins (and a baby) and one twin is exactly like your son OP and the other is an easygoing, quiet child who is happy to play alone. I truly believe it is a personal trait. Sympathising with you here as it’s bloody exhausting!

My 8 yo is like this. We lavished attention upon him as a baby (precious firstborn) and wonder if that's why!

When I see my friend's DC the same age who will go and play in their room by themselves or just be able to relax together while calmly playing a game, or doing their own thing, I always feel a bit jealous!

He's not very good at being calm. There's always some drama, he's very sensitive. I did suspect ADHD but now not so sure. It's exhausting, regardless.

"we will do this and then you must sit down and just leave me alone for 10 minutes".
You're not really selling this to him. What's in it for him? It sounds like he is being told to sit and do nothing for 10 minutes. He doesn't know how to do that. However, he can learn.

Get him started on something that he enjoys then let him know that in 2 minutes you are going to go and put the kettle on then come straight back. Tell him you will be 30 seconds and make sure he has something to do for those 30 seconds. Remind him before you go. Come back 30 seconds later and praise him for playing so well.
Over time, you can increase the time you are away from him - gradually. He needs to learn that he is ok when you aren't right next to him.

Try not to feel harassed by his demands. It sounds like he has so many things coming into his head and he doesn't know how to hold onto them so they all come tumbling out at the same time.
Slow down and respond to one thing at a time, so if he asks for a drink, just focus on getting the drink so you're not getting pulled in different directions.

I have a 4 and 6 year old and when they are together I get left alone totally they are always playing together , sitting together if fighting together but they leave me be

When 6 year old is at school the 4 year old wants my constant attention

But when his brother is around they occupy each other

Mine is 9 now and I still only get a break from her if she's on a screen, with a friend or at her dad's. She never goes to her room to play, she follows me round the house asking if we can bake, do crafts, anything that involves me doing it with her. She's never played with toys in the normal sense, never played with dolls or lego unless I initiate the game and basically do it all. Has very limited imagination, is very serious and emotional. But she can bake and ice a cake from scratch completely on her own ( I have to be in the room or she'll just follow me out) can make a basic lunch (cheese on toast, pasta), is very responsible, saves all her pocket money, never spends anything, walks her younger brother to school (short distance, he's only 5), is very aware of the emotions of her friends. I definitely feel she'll be the "agony aunt" friend when she's older although I worry about her strong emotions. She's basically like a mini adult and always has been. Friends have always commented on how sensible she is, that she doesn't make up stories, has a wide vocabulary, always remembers instructions from the teacher, even in reception. I've wondered if she has ADHD at times because of how different she is from other children but we just roll with it for now. Her sleep has finally got better but has always been a problem as she hates being on her own so has to have 2 night lights and a story CD on to go to sleep!

I have a DD like this, no advice, sorry. I am reading all of the responses for myself too. Hang in there. I had four cups of luke-warm tea yesterday

I have one like this, though it is improving a lot as she gets older. She's very into craft now so she will entertain herself for long stretches with fimo or painting etc. But she always has to be doing something! She is also, and always has been, absolutely marvellous company - funny, cheerful and bright, so I completely agree that they can be both relentless and utterly charming at the same time!

Mine really liked watching tv with me. That way, she got my time and I got to chill

He will probably be a barrister. In the meantime, he’s a pest.

DYING LAUGHING.

I can already tell that my 15 month old will be like this. The attention demands, the need to “wear him out”: everything sounds absolutely familiar.

Mine has always been like this (now nearly 6) - I think it's partly his natural personality and partly guilt driven by me as he's an only child so I've over compensated.

What really drives me mad is when he asks questions and then challenges the answers given!