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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent this?

43 replies

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:05

I've name changed for this. This is my first thread on AIBU, and know I may get shredded.

I'm an NHS nurse. I don't want to go into detail about the nature of the job in case colleagues are reading, but it's not ward based or directly involving covid patients. It's a community post but i have face to face contact daily with patients.

One of my colleagues is a support worker. I really like her and we get on well which makes My dilemma more difficult as I hate myself for thinking like this.

She's had health issues recently and in lockdown 1.0 was shielding and was WFH doing admin type work from home. My role changed during lockdown 1.0 and as many of colleagues in other teams were shielding I was asked to do home visits to administer medication. I loved this as I like the face to face contact. I worked daily in this role till lockdown ended, since then I've not been doing meds but carrying out assessments at base and patients home. I work pt 4 days a week (so does she) and have been wfh 1 day a week writing up and in the base 3 days a week.

My colleague came back 1 day a week between the lockdown, since lockdown 2.0 she's been shielding again. In August she went abroad to see her elderly mum for a month. I understood why, her dad died a year ago and her mum's elderly, but i wondered if it was wise given she'd been shielding for months.

Today we had secret Santa and my colleague was in for it. My Trust has a scheme where if you're not sick for a year, the following year you get 2 days extra annual leave. The last time I was off sick was early Feb, and I asked one of my seniorsnwhethermthis was a rolling year or April-march ( so did I qualify in Feb or end of March). It's April-March btw.

Anyway my colleague joined in and it turns out this also runs for those shielding.

I'm not going to say anything, like I said I do really like her, but underneath I kind of resent it a bit. It's hard to get I'll if you're WFH, and not coming into contact with anyone. I was in daily contact and travel in by public transport, so increasing my contact with others. As well as that she saved time and money on the commute.

I don't think this is about her specifically, I just feel unappreciated I suppose. Personally I think everyone should get 2 days extra leave if they've not had time off sick, but if they've done it and not been shielding maybe we should get 3.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/12/2020 20:11

I think the whole idea of time off because you're fortunate enough to not be sick, is an awful one.

Jesus, people get upset over school attendance certificates but this scheme takes the piss.

And yes YABU. Just be grateful you have your health.

BonnieDundee · 09/12/2020 20:13

I dont think YABU. Especially as shes.been abroad and.came in for secret Santa. I'd feel pissed off as well

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 09/12/2020 20:13

Gosh. That's a mad policy, very discriminatory I'd say. But not what you asked - yes I'd say YABU because she's had to be shielding, which sucks, and how much leave she gets has nothing to do with how much you get, they're just not related.

Comparison is the thief of joy, just enjoy yours.

Dundundunnn · 09/12/2020 20:16

YABU

overoptimism · 09/12/2020 20:17

So many things I dislike about this post that I don't know where to start.

You sound deeply unhappy. Stop thinking about this and count your blessings you're well.

IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn · 09/12/2020 20:17

I think she was taking the piss 'shielding' and then fucking off abroad for a month!

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/12/2020 20:18

It’s hard to get ill if you’re WFH and you are otherwise healthy. You are forgetting that your friend is probably more likely to get ill even WFH compared to you because she has serious chronic health conditions that put her on the extremely clinically vulnerable shielding list.

I do agree that a work policy that rewards no sick days with extra annual leave is terrible. It also indirectly discriminates against anyone with a chronic health condition/disability who are unlikely to ever get through an entire year never falling ill no matter what they do or how hard they try.

Hayeahnobut · 09/12/2020 20:19

It's likely that disability related absence would not count as absence for the purposes of this incentive, which is why they're also not counting shielding absence/ work from home.

EsmeCrowfoot · 09/12/2020 20:21

What an awful, ableist policy. That's really insulting actually, it implies that when people take time off sick they're probably just swinging the lead.

YakkityYakYakYak · 09/12/2020 20:22

I honestly don’t see what your problem is. You both didn’t have any time off, so both got the reward, but you think you should have got something more than her because you didn’t have to shield. I’m sure shielding is not particularly fun, so I’m not sure why you’re so resentful of her.

These schemes are ridiculous anyway, you should reward people for good performance, not punish them for their ill health.

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2020 20:22

@IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn

I think she was taking the piss 'shielding' and then fucking off abroad for a month!
Did you not read the part where she went to visit her grieving mother? Hmm

If she got a shielding letter like many others did during March/April for example, she's hardly going to refuse to do it on the basis her mother might need her in August.

Original poster
SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:23

I knew people would think I'm unreasonable, I know I am really, and I should appreciate I've got the immune system of an ox :)(Is that even a saying? But I can't even catch a bleeding cold me, let alone covid!)

Like I said though, I do hate myself for thinking like this honest especially as I do really like her, and wouldn't dream of taking it further, and I do appreciate I've come through the pandemic unscathed, still in work and still in reasonable health, and not lost anyone to it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/12/2020 20:24

But I can't even catch a bleeding cold me, let alone covid!

Your posts are like the dreadful gift that unfortunately keeps on giving.

IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn · 09/12/2020 20:25

@WorraLiberty lots of people haven't been able to visit grieving relatives or even attend their own relatives fucking funeral!

Original poster
SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:25

Her father had died a year ago, it wasn't a recent thing and not covid related. She'd been there since. But like I said I understood why she went.

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 09/12/2020 20:26

Op is peeved that she took all the chances and her colleague getting equal benefit, took no chances and actually saved money. No it’s not fair, and If I were the colleague I wouldn’t expect it. But, if that’s what work givers then I’d take it too.

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2020 20:27

[quote IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn]@WorraLiberty lots of people haven't been able to visit grieving relatives or even attend their own relatives fucking funeral! [/quote]
What's that got to do with the price of fish? Confused

This woman was fortunately able to.

It doesn't mean she was 'taking the piss by fucking off abroad'.

Original poster
SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:27

@WorraLiberty my bad, sorry, I realise that may sound tactless, it was meant to show how strong my immunity was.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 09/12/2020 20:27

I understand your resentment. You're only human and it's been a tough year for you. It would still be better, as you recognise yourself, to try and shake it off. Remind yourself of all the disadvantages to the way she's been living, as pp have said.

I agree though that rewarding people for not taking time off sick is unfair. Plus surely it just incentivises mildly ill people coming in anyway and passing their illness to others - the last thing you want from NHS staff.

IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn · 09/12/2020 20:28

@WorraLiberty of course she was taking the piss!

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2020 20:30

How was she taking the piss?

Most people who had shielding letters were not allowed to go to work.

Original poster
SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:32

I have said numerous times I hate thinking like this and know I'm unreasonable. We can't all have lovely thoughts all the time. It's stayed inside my head. I'm not going to say anything to anybody about it at work and was never planning to.

OP posts:
IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn · 09/12/2020 20:32

@WorraLiberty well she was hardly shielding at airports or on a plane was she? Shielding when it suited her more like!

Original poster
SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:36

She was away in August so not at a time she was shielding, so if she hadn't been on leave would have expected to come into base at least once a week.

OP posts:
Kitfish · 09/12/2020 20:38

You think that's bad. My firm runs a policy which uses a thing called the Bradford factor. You acrrue points exponentially everytime you take a sick day. 1 sick day = 1 point, 2 separate sick days = 8 points, 3 = 27 points. Get to 100 points in a year (=5 separate sick days in a year) and you can get disciplinary action/a written warning etc. Also your Bradford factor is listed on an online board where the managers can see it. Makes me terrified of taking time off sick no matter how bad I'm feeling. And I'm one of the managers.

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