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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent this?

43 replies

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:05

I've name changed for this. This is my first thread on AIBU, and know I may get shredded.

I'm an NHS nurse. I don't want to go into detail about the nature of the job in case colleagues are reading, but it's not ward based or directly involving covid patients. It's a community post but i have face to face contact daily with patients.

One of my colleagues is a support worker. I really like her and we get on well which makes My dilemma more difficult as I hate myself for thinking like this.

She's had health issues recently and in lockdown 1.0 was shielding and was WFH doing admin type work from home. My role changed during lockdown 1.0 and as many of colleagues in other teams were shielding I was asked to do home visits to administer medication. I loved this as I like the face to face contact. I worked daily in this role till lockdown ended, since then I've not been doing meds but carrying out assessments at base and patients home. I work pt 4 days a week (so does she) and have been wfh 1 day a week writing up and in the base 3 days a week.

My colleague came back 1 day a week between the lockdown, since lockdown 2.0 she's been shielding again. In August she went abroad to see her elderly mum for a month. I understood why, her dad died a year ago and her mum's elderly, but i wondered if it was wise given she'd been shielding for months.

Today we had secret Santa and my colleague was in for it. My Trust has a scheme where if you're not sick for a year, the following year you get 2 days extra annual leave. The last time I was off sick was early Feb, and I asked one of my seniorsnwhethermthis was a rolling year or April-march ( so did I qualify in Feb or end of March). It's April-March btw.

Anyway my colleague joined in and it turns out this also runs for those shielding.

I'm not going to say anything, like I said I do really like her, but underneath I kind of resent it a bit. It's hard to get I'll if you're WFH, and not coming into contact with anyone. I was in daily contact and travel in by public transport, so increasing my contact with others. As well as that she saved time and money on the commute.

I don't think this is about her specifically, I just feel unappreciated I suppose. Personally I think everyone should get 2 days extra leave if they've not had time off sick, but if they've done it and not been shielding maybe we should get 3.

OP posts:

Original poster

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:39

Don't worry, though, I will get over it and be grateful if this is the worst thing thats happneed to me this year, I'm very lucky. :)

OP posts:

IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn · 09/12/2020 20:40

@Kitfish my friend works for a retailer that gives staff a warning for any days of sickness. Even isolating due to covid results in warnings apparently!

Cakles2010 · 09/12/2020 20:40

I work in HR and this post has made me realise why I always see/read about tribunal cases from NHS trusts and councils...rewarding based on sickness is not common these days as pps have highlighted can be highly discriminatory. Yanbu I've seen far too many people this year in my company using the pandemic to their advantage and simply not wanting to return to work stating they are shielding with no proof of why. I've also sadly seen that the vast majority with a serious condition do not want to be cooped up at home and their Mh is suffering because they are already ill and no longer have the same quality of life they used to enjoy.

Original poster

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 20:40

My place uses the Bradford score too.....but not in full view of all staff!

OP posts:

Sleepdeprived42long · 09/12/2020 20:41

If you know you are being unreasonable then I think you’ve answered your own question!

Georgieporgie29 · 09/12/2020 20:43

Not taking the piss, shielding when she was told to shield maybe? The same as everyone else that stayed in when they were told to in lockdown part 1. Then we were all ‘released’ a little bit and she took advantage of that.

This has been a shitty year for lots of people and if I had the opportunity to visit my mum in the middle of all this then I would.

Quite frankly I think the policy of extra holidays for taking no sick days is ridiculous and discriminatory and look how it’s making you judge other people who have done nothing wrong.

Cakles2010 · 09/12/2020 20:43

@Kitfish

You think that's bad. My firm runs a policy which uses a thing called the Bradford factor. You acrrue points exponentially everytime you take a sick day. 1 sick day = 1 point, 2 separate sick days = 8 points, 3 = 27 points. Get to 100 points in a year (=5 separate sick days in a year) and you can get disciplinary action/a written warning etc. Also your Bradford factor is listed on an online board where the managers can see it. Makes me terrified of taking time off sick no matter how bad I'm feeling. And I'm one of the managers.

This is quite common place but old fashioned...it has its pros and cons but can be seen as a fairer/less harsh method of monitoring absence than 3strikes and a sanction for example. Putting on a board however for all to see is questionable to say the least...

nocoolnamesleft · 09/12/2020 20:46

Rewarding people for being lucky enough not to get ill is distasteful.

Calmandmeasured1 · 09/12/2020 20:54

Well if you were off sick in February you won't qualify for the extra two days annual leave this year anyway.

Why would you resent someone who could not go in to work because the Govt told her not to due to her being clinically extremely vulnerable? To be frank, you sound jealous which is a very unattractive trait.

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/12/2020 21:00

@Kitfish

That’s horrible and should be outlawed. For example, this year I had a bad case of strep throat and literally couldn’t get out of bed for a week and was too unwell to work for two weeks straight. I would be fuming if those 10days off in a row resulted in two disciplinary actions! It’s hardly my fault or my choice that I fell ill.

Original poster

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 21:00

@Calmandmeasured1 if I'm not off sick by the end of March, I will qualify for 2021/23, as from April 20-March 21 I would not have taken sick leave. That's what I was clarifying with my senior.

Ok people. I've taken it all on board and thank you for opinions.

OP posts:

Original poster

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 21:01

2021/22 even.

I agree though it encourages presenteeism.

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 09/12/2020 21:03

YANBU. Take 2 days off sick to compensate.

StylishMummy · 09/12/2020 21:06

Her having these benefits is not detracting from what you get, you sound incredibly jealous. Who the hell are you to say she shouldn't see her mum because she was shielding? What a nasty post!

Original poster

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 21:18

I'm not jealous. I've been glad to carry on working, I think I'd be bored shitless not getting to work during the lockdown, as it was the only place I could go! If my mum was alive I'd have gone to see her in my leave....but at the time the guidelines were not to travel abroad. As I've said (endless times) I totally understood why, I just felt it was bad timing she visited during a pandemic when we were being advised against it. As I've also said, her father had died several months before, and she seen her mum since then.

I've already said I've accepted I'm wrong. But I suppose this is AIBU!

OP posts:

Original poster

SantasLittleElfontheShelf · 09/12/2020 21:24

And as has been pointed out we're getting the same benefit. Nothing was going to be said, and I know I'm unreasonable, and that tbh I don't think I could WFH for more than once or twice a week.

OP posts:

Ayupmeduck · 09/12/2020 21:31

I think what your colleague did or didn't do is irrelevant really. It sounds a flawed unfair system and I would direct my energy on taking it up with my union or HR.

Voice0fReason · 09/12/2020 22:27

I've seen far too many people this year in my company using the pandemic to their advantage and simply not wanting to return to work stating they are shielding with no proof of why
Everyone who was shielding has a letter to confirm that.
We've been written to several times, the most recent letter coming last week, explaining what we should and shouldn't be doing.
You don't need to know the reason why someone is shielding, but they can provide proof that they are in the shielding group.

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