Please help I am going insane

[BastardCancerBastardCovid]

My mum has ovarian cancer, apparently either stage 3 or 4, as it has spread to other organs. I live in the US, she's at home. She wants to see me. I want to go. DP is terrified for me to fly home and take a bus or train to my mum's house because of covid. I have type 1 diabetes. We have been very cautious all year, avoiding public transport and bars etc, only doing food shopping/ pharmacy/ hospital appintments. We are almost arguing. The main issue is, if I test positive when I'm there then where will I go? Who will look after me? So I understand these fears but I have no answers. I can quarantine with a friend on arrival.

I feel like I am going mad. I need to make a decision, one way or another, very soon. How do I choose the right option? What is the best thing to do?

What would you do in this situation?

Your friend will help if you become ill. And the NHS will help if you need medical help if you become ill. Wear a mask, sanitise/wash your hands regularly to reduce the risks, but I really don't think that, should you catch it, your friend would throw you out on the street. So you'll be as safe as is possible.

Just go to her. You want to, she wants you to, the laws in force at present allow you to. Your partner doesn't have to like it, but not going because they don't want you to could damage your relationship far, far more than saying 'I understand your worries, I wouldn't go for any other reason, but I have to do this' can.

(By the way, I'm vulnerable and use public transport every day. I didn't catch it from the bus; the school I work in had significantly more to do with it)

Go and see your Mum.
Sorry to hear your news

Thank you. My friend absolutely wouldn't chuck me out but I feel so guilty for exposing her if I do catch it in transit because she is hoping to spend Christmas with her parents, and one of them is vulnerable.

So if I expose her to covid I could fuck up her whole family Christmas

She wouldn't offer if she wasn't prepared to take that chance.

So sorry to hear about your situation. Just go to her. Be sensible and wear a good quality mask (not those flimsy paper things!) and wash your hands and avoid touching handrails etc unless you really need to. Public transport isn't crowded and it's not as if you'll be running around on buses/trains all day. For what it's worth, I've been using public transport throughout, no problems.

Go to your mum , I think you will regret it if you don’t . Follow all the mask , distancing and anti bacterial rules and I’m sure you’ll be fine.

@katy1213

So sorry to hear about your situation. Just go to her. Be sensible and wear a good quality mask (not those flimsy paper things!) and wash your hands and avoid touching handrails etc unless you really need to. Public transport isn't crowded and it's not as if you'll be running around on buses/trains all day. For what it's worth, I've been using public transport throughout, no problems.

Agree with this ^^ I’m very sorry about your mum, take care op.

Absolutely go. You’re not going to get a second chance.
Also I don’t know where in the UK you’re going but in the south west for example the danger of catching anything is very limited.

Go! Your friend wouldn't offer if they weren't happy with the risks

Absolutely go!

Definitely go

Just go. You and your DP seem to have convinced yourselves you're definitely going to catch covid the minute you step out the door. It's not like that. Take care and be sensible. You have to see your mum.

Definitely, absolutely, go and see your mum.

You’re not going to get a second chance.

This is a brutal way of putting it. I know ovarian cancer has a shit outlook but treatments are coming on all the time, outlooks are better now than they were even 5 years ago.

I really need my mum not to die, I really need to hang on to some hope that there is hope for her and some options will be available to her. Yes, I know not everyone is suitable for different possible treatment or surgery.

Is there a reason you cannot stay with your Mum or where your Mum lives if she is hospital ?

Can you afford to stay in a hotel for a few days first? I know quarantine is 14 days, but most people who catch the virus seem to show symptoms much sooner?

Definitely see your Mum thought.

She's at home, and I want to quarantine to make sure to avoid infecting her so not going there first.

Also check your health insurance, because the NHS may well bill you if you did need treatment.

Yes, I will take out a separate travel insurance policy that specifically says it covers covid because not all of them are doing so.

Get some FFP3 masks and go. Hopefully your DM will be starting treatment soon and it will mean a lot to her if she can see you then.
I have stage 4 breast cancer and am stable on maintenance treatment and well enough to work.
But when I was first diagnosed I was terrified both of the disease and treatment and really needed my family around me.

You need to go, if I were your friend I would risk it in a heartbeat for you.

I understand and share your DP’s concerns but can he honestly say you’re any safer where you currently live?

By and large people are taking covid seriously or at least abiding by restrictions here and it’s weird but it doesn’t look like planes are particularly risky. At least I haven’t heard of any major outbreaks linked to planes. It’s worth researching how risky it is. I’ve read that the way the seats are set up plus other restrictions are actually pretty safe.

What are airports doing at the moment at security? I can't go through either of the scanners as I have two attached medical devices so I always (pre pandemic we flew a lot) get a pat down. Will they still be ok with doing this?

I really cannot have these medical devices break, I can't go through the scanners.

I would imagine you’d still get a pat down in your case. Give the airport/airline a call and find out.