Christmas present from partner

[Christmasjingle24]

I asked my partner for a rough budget this Christmas first Christmas together. He said we don’t need a budget I made a few suggestions of things I wanted or needed and so did he. I’ve brought quite a lot for him and today brought a few more bits. We where talking about Christmas and he said that I’ve definitely gone and got more than he has from the clues he’s given me he’s got me some jewellery something I’ve never asked for or hardly wear. the pieces I do have are all from my grandparents I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I know I probably won’t wear it. Also all my jewellery matches I’m not sure what do to do. I also hate surprises due to an ex and have made it clear how much I hate them I’m also terrible at hiding how I feel but I don’t want to offend him

Hard work Princess, much?

What about the presents you've bought him ? Have you told him what they are or are you saying you can buy surprise ones but others mustn't do the same for you ?

I don’t no what he’s got me but he’s hinted he wrote me a list of things he would like I did the same and stuck to the list although I did get him some of his favourite chocolates that weren’t on the list

Some men are shit at presents OP. My DH gets it wrong everytime despite all my efforts. Just remind yourself that this present is not in any way a symbol for your relationship, but is rather a symbol of a clueless panicky man trying to please by doing something he is rubbish at 🤷‍♀️

(Not saying all men are bad at presents - my dad is great - but some are atrocious at it poor things)

It sounds like you have over bought for him and are setting him up for failure if he hasn’t matched that. I would see a list as being a list I could choose from, so that the element of surprise remains - and absolutely not something where I would buy most of what was on the list.

@HappyDays10101

It sounds like you have over bought for him and are setting him up for failure if he hasn’t matched that. I would see a list as being a list I could choose from, so that the element of surprise remains - and absolutely not something where I would buy most of what was on the list.

This

His list was very low think things like socks pants some posh coffee etc I had really buy most of the list I wasn’t going to just buy him some socks or pants

Not sure why you didn't agree to not do presents if you really don't like surprises. Appreciate your anxiety, so why not just say let's do something nice rather than spend money on presents. He probably wants to give you something nice, especially as you have told him you have spent loads.

I feel quite sorry for the guy tbh - he loses out on the pleasure of giving a gift he has picked out for you. Sounds like you may have jumped into a new relationship too soon if your previous relationship is still affecting you to this extent

We agreed on a list of things for each other that’s what we agreed to do I said I didn’t want jewellery made it very clear he’s clearly now gone of the list and got me jewellery it’s like he hasn’t listened

His lost was "quite low" because that's what most adults do for Christmas OP.

You sound extraordinarily materialistic - aren't you embarrassed to be lije this? Even when I was dating a Swiss millionaire, I didnt demand presents - I got given a lot of stuff, which I actually found quite embarrassing as I can buy my own, but I didnt have a childish strop because of something not being quite right.

Your behaviour is really quite bad. I feel really embarrassed for you. Unless you are both actually children?

How am I materialistic his list included expensive perfume clothes etc mine had an m and s dressing gown some slippers a candle etc

But it was low for what I wanted to spend I really wasn’t going to just get him pain coffee perfume and some
Expensive pants

If you want 'an m and s dressing gown some slippers a candle' why don't you just go and buy them now?

I really don't understand what it achieves to put them on a Christmas list and telling your partner to go buy them for you as Christmas presents, especially when you're both spending the same amount so its not like there's a financial gain to be made.

If he's doing under duress, which it sounds like it is, no matter what you think he 'agreed' (let me guess, he just said 'yes dear' when you started prattling on about Christmas at a time he thought was far too soon), then there's no thought, effort or sentiment in it on his part.

Why dont you just buy your own gift then. You're maki g this really stressful and convoluted. If you cant "handle" surprises, so to therapy and talk to someone about it, dont punish your partner for your baggage.

This is so depressing and soulless. No surprises. No jewellery. Must not deviate from set list! I honestly dont get it. How to turn a fun moment of choosing something for someone into a chore, like paying your water bill. Just ask him for his credit card details, buy your own stuff and be done with it then. What's the point in going through the charade of gift giving when it's so completely straitjacketed?

He asked for the list idea he asked me to write him one it was his idea

This all sounds extremely unhealthy OP. You're not even a year into this, I'm not sure why anyone needed to write shopping lists of desired items at all, let alone there be all this drama over it. A small token gift from each of you, or just no gifts at all if it's not something you enjoy, would have been fine and very normal for two adults in your position. If he's subtly pointed out that you're overspending on him whilst acting strangely over what he's got for you then perhaps you should listen.

You can't control everything and your ex's mistakes are not something that your new partner is responsible for. Of course he should be mindful but your wants here seem pretty specifically tied into your own problems and are probably quite difficult to understand when there seem to be quite a few mixed messages and 'rules' from you. It seems like you've tried to control it by doing these lists and are now upset that that hasn't worked. That isn't the point of a xmas gift. It also doesn't really matter if he gets you something you don't like, surely? He may not actually want what you've bought him but presumably will be polite

Why not speak to him, explain you would rather not do gifts and return yours too to avoid this dragging on. I'd also consider counselling to deal with the impact of your previous relationship if you haven't already. It seems very raw for you.

He asked for the list idea he asked me to write him one it was his idea

Yes, but I expect he thought you would write something like a cd or dvd or a hat and scarf!

You know that character in the Roald Dahl books? Violet Elizabeth was it? You do realise you're coming across like that?

Good on you though if you are actually dating a Russian sugar daddy, because thats the only behaviour that would be entirely appropriate.

Is it really beyond you to welcome some jewellery if bought it as a present? Smile, say thanks very much, its lovely and put it away and bring it out on a special occasion? Its really a lovely gift. Not my thing either but a boyfriend did buy me a very good necklace and I cherish it to this day, because I'd never normally think of buying myself jewellery and because of the effort to please me that went into it. Even if it does usually sit in a drawer!

I don’t get why you think I’m being spoiled he asked me for a list he actually asked me a few times then asked me what I wouldn’t like I told him he’s then got me something I wouldn’t like it’s like your partner going to the shop asking what chocolate you like and you saying anything but galaxy and he gets you galaxy

Because, OP, when adults are asked what they want for Christmas/birthday, its good manners to put quite small gifts.

I suspect what you put was unobtainable for either expense or difficulty and he's picked jewellery as a compromise.

it’s like your partner going to the shop asking what chocolate you like and you saying anything but galaxy and he gets you galaxy

I actually think you are taking the P now and you are indeed 12 years old. No adult would have a tantrum just because they got bought the wrong chocolate bar.

8/10 OP you had me going for a while!

@GreenlandTheMovie I asked for pyjamas dressing gown slippers a candle any of those things would be been easily brought I don’t see that as big gifts

Jeez why even bother with gifts?

/off topic You seriously asked for a DRESSING GOWN and SLIPPERS when you havent even been going out for a year?! Dont do that OP!

I always wear a dressing gown and slippers due to my illness I’m often cold at home

Why is everyone sticking the boot in?

He asked for a list.
OP put low cost, easily obtainable items on said list.
OP stuck to his list.
OP specifically asked NOT to be given jewellery and gave good reasons.
He has (probably) bought jewellery.
OP feels not listened to and is upset for this reason.

Why does that make OP spoiled?