'Was it planned'

[HeyDW96]

Is it okay for people's first question when they find out you're expecting to be 'was it planned?'

I actually find this question extremely irritating and intruding! I get it from work colleagues (who aren't friends) a lot! I didn't mind my family asking too much but I don't really want to share the conception circumstances of our first child with people I merely work with.

Am I the only one that wouldn't ask someone this!?

I was asked this by a work colleague when I so happily announced my pregnancy. Can only think it's because my husband and I weren't married at the time, but we had been a couple and lived together for 8 years and had been engaged for nearly all that time, this was common knowledge. It really stung as, little did he know, it was my third pregnancy, I sadly lost the previous two. People need to think before opening their mouths!

Currently pregnant with my 3rd. I think every single person I’ve told I’m pregnant has asked me if it was planned (it wasn’t planned but still..) it’s a very strange question.
I don’t remember getting asked with my last two pregnancies maybe it’s because it’s number 3. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Dinosauraddict

I was only asked this once (also by someone at work who I didn't know very well) my response was 'no, it's the outcome of a lot of expensive infertility treatment' - that shut them up!

Did it?

Didn't it just open up a conversation about thier friends/relatives who've also used ivf?

If someone asks you that ask them if they were planned. Rude question!

My df joked had I worked out what caused it yet when I announced dc number 4.. Funny joke df..
Unlike when he seriously questioned why ds's eyes were open at birth. He was adamant they didn't open for weeks.. Mm no df that's kittens...
He is my actual biological df...
No wonder dm left him.

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

My df joked had I worked out what caused it yet when I announced dc number 4.. Funny joke df.. Unlike when he seriously questioned why ds's eyes were open at birth. He was adamant they didn't open for weeks.. Mm no df that's kittens... He is my actual biological df... No wonder dm left him.

LOL

My middle and youngest are 12 years apart and people always assume they have different dad's. They almost seem disappointed when I say they have the same dad.

My 2 youngest both look like dh. He isn't the oldest ones df but people do occasionally ask if I am sure?!?!

I once asked my closest friend this but it was because in the fortnight before her telling me the news she’d been messaging saying she was feeling sorry for herself and crap and when she told me there was zero excitement in her voice, so I wondered if she was ok with the news. I really did think she was indicating she hadn’t wanted a baby. I wouldn’t ask anybody else in casual conversation.

It seems to be something only asked if unmarried women, which is kinda worse in a way. No one asked me this except my mum, and she was "subtle" about it (or tried to be).

I was asked a lot as I had split for ds dad

It didn’t bother me what bothered me was the remarks about trapping him

This happened to me and really upset me. I’m not naturally maternal and i feel pregnant quite soon after I got married and so I guess that’s why people asked. I hadn’t told people we were trying and so I put it down to that. But it did make me feel rubbish!

One of my colleagues asked me this. I think it's rude, and I also think my colleague has some other issues going on.

Better than what I got!

A few people went "you? Your pregnant I didn't think you wanted kids"

Not sure how I came across but motherly it wasn't I suppose.

Everyone gets this. I was in my thirties, well established career, married for several years, owned our home etc and still got asked. It was ridiculous! I am still totally bemused as to why anyone would ask that regardless of their knowledge of the woman's circumstances.

See also:

'When are you going to have kids?' New relationship, very young, not living together, still studying etc.

'Are you not thinking of starting a family? Is everything ok?' Several years into marriage with failed pregnancies behind us.

'When are you going to have another?' right after giving birth.

'Don't you miss spending time with DC?' After returning to work.

Now I must be considered too old for pregnancy questions so I get 'do you regret only having one?'

I bet men never get asked this stuff

I agree @Throwntothewolves

As a women you are seen as fair game to ask anything about anything. All your childcare/staying at home is open for judgement.